Page 17 | To think they should sack her?

Yellowdove · 2022-09-13T18:13:53+00:00

Colleague in work seems to lie a lot about her home/ family life that are easily proven to be untrue. However, she is really good at her job and has never lied about a work related issue (as far as we know). My point is how can we trust her if she lies about such pointless stuff in such a compulsive way?! HR seems to be saying as a it isn’t a work issue there’s nothing we can do. But how is it not a work issue?

gogohmm · 14/09/2022 06:20

Are you 100% sure there's not mistaken identity here. It sounds pretty bizarre to lie so much

InsomniacVampire · 14/09/2022 06:21

To sum up OP, your aunt gossips about your client, you bloody spy on them on social media, and you think your colleague is the problem.

Yes, it's not cool that she is lying, but your "I am scared for elderly customers"- I am scared for your aunt's vurnerable clients/kids she is taking care of!!!

IAMNOTTHEONE2022 · 14/09/2022 06:29

The lying is not okay. Keep an eye on it. But if it hasn't spilled out into work scenarios, then all you can do is make a mental note.

It isn't normal. But I think you have to now take a step back and get on with it.

Her lies will be her undoing.

vroom321 · 14/09/2022 06:41

I don't understand why you are getting these replies OP.

I'd be concerned too. I hate liars.

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 06:47

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 14/09/2022 06:02

This thread is bizarre.

How many of the people criticising the OP believe that calling Boris Johnson out for lying is unfair? Nobody?

The woman is a compulsive liar. That means that nothing she says can be believed.

Also, while lying about the number of children she has could be seen as some kind of fantacy, I wonder how anyone on here would feel if they found out that their mother had told people she had children of the other sex rather than that she’d had you. Disappointed? Rejected? As if they were a disappointment to their mother?

As for claiming that she’s in a same sex relationship and claiming victim status and being discriminated against, that is incredibly offensive and makes a mockery of people who really are victimised because of their sexuality.

I can imagine the responses if a poster said “i have found out that my DH has been telling his colleagues he is in a same sex relationship, and that we have twin girls rather than my ds,” not one single person on here would say “it’s just silly harmless stuff, his colleagues are in the wrong for making an issue of this.”

AAnd I know people who have been friends with people in HR. And they have always benefited from it in terms of e.g. being given more allowance for things others would never get away with.

While I don’t think they can sack her, if I were her line manager it would certainly make me think twice about what kind of work I was giving her, and to that end I would have to speak to HR because I do think that being a compulsive liar makes you a risk to people who are vulnerable.

Your post is bizarre.

Whats Boris for to do with anything? Is Ops colleague Liz Truss?

How the colleagues kids might feel in the future, isn’t Ops business.

if a poster posted about her husband lying, that would be a personal issue that impacted the op directly. I would say the colleagues were weird, for asking their dh to sack them, if they also admitted it had no impact on his work.

The op isn’t impacted directly because they are colleagues. The colleague isn’t lying about Op. It doesnt directly impact op, other than she is choosing to get involved.

No one said having friends in HR doesn’t help people. But it’s really odd, to lie about your marriage when your best friend works in HR. It’s really odd to go to Hr knowing they are best friends and asking HR to sack someone. You have no right to tell HR to sack someone. You can take a problem to them, but your opinion on how it should be dealt isn’t part of that.

The ops behaviour is so odd, that I believe she has something incorrect. She has crossed wires somewhere. The colleague can’t be sacked. And the Op should stop investigating her personal life. If it impacts the work, then she can take that back to HR.

WhatIsThisMad · 14/09/2022 06:48

Since when is it ok to gossip about colleagues based on third hand info, and then take this gossip to HR to get someone sacked.

Surely if you are confused about info a colleague gives, such as them having twins when you thought they just had one child, you'd ask them? 'oh! I thought you had a boy?' Why would you automatically assume someone is a compulsive liar without even asking them for their version of events?

Just feels so two faced to report a colleague to HR when you haven't even asked them about what you think are lies.

You also haven't answered the following:

-Is your aunt still friends with this colleague? Because if she is, and she's simultany gossiping about her, that's horrible. If she's not, has she been upfront.and told her why?

-are you acting like you like this person at work? Have you told them you've reported them to HR? If you are avtiving nice to this colpegaue while gossiping about them, going behind their back to HR, and not even asking them.about your assumptions, then again that is pretty horrible

CallMeNutribullet · 14/09/2022 06:52

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J0y · 14/09/2022 07:05

Well this thread finally explains how the female Walter mityy I know gets away with constant lying. I'm so glad I never raised it with anybody. I'd have been blamed.
I think if somebody extrovert comes along and creates a jovial atmosphere, people around them will turn a blind eye quite forcefully

Doyoumind · 14/09/2022 07:13

milkyaqua · 14/09/2022 02:31

Well, exactly. Yet 94% think you are being unreasonable to be concerned! The hive mind is a strange thing, a contrary, thing, just following the initial replies that reprimand you for being concerned. Trust is important, and a pattern of lying is indicative that someone is not worthy of one's trust. I don't care what her problem is, she should not be in a position of trust. YANBU.

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No 94% of people think OP is unreasonable to think this woman should be sacked, not that it's ok to lie. You can't sack someone for lying about their personal life.

dalisdrippingclock · 14/09/2022 07:14

Yellowdove · 13/09/2022 19:33

And also I didn’t realise childminders where part of some kind of secret service. They are obviously bound by iron clad confidentiality agreements I wasn’t aware of. 🙄

Childminders should registered with OFSTED and subject to GDPR rules like any business.

OldAndTubby · 14/09/2022 07:17

J0y · 14/09/2022 07:05

Well this thread finally explains how the female Walter mityy I know gets away with constant lying. I'm so glad I never raised it with anybody. I'd have been blamed.
I think if somebody extrovert comes along and creates a jovial atmosphere, people around them will turn a blind eye quite forcefully

Most people know if someone's lying. Perhaps other people don't care about it and value this persons other traits. Or maybe it bothers them but they don't say anything and just get on with their life.

You don't have to like the Walter Mitty you know, that's ok. What are they 'getting away' with? Who did you think you should have raised it with? You would have been blamed if you'd raised it behind their back to an HR department when it wasn't impacting their work. You wouldn't have been blamed if you had asked water Mitty about it. You don't need to be that person's friend, just stay away from them. If they lie about work matters, that's when to raise.

girlmom21 · 14/09/2022 07:19

girlmom21 · 13/09/2022 20:17

Why don't you say "oh who was that girl you were leaving my aunts house with then? Where were your boys?"

Let her know you know who she is without reporting anyone or getting anyone sacked or any nasty gossiping.

OP I know you responded to this comment but I'm quoting it so you can see what I'm referring back to if you're still reading as there have been a lot of posts.

I understand why you didn't say anything at the time. My suggestion is why don't you say this the next time.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 14/09/2022 07:20

Andromachehadabadday · 14/09/2022 06:47

Your post is bizarre.

Whats Boris for to do with anything? Is Ops colleague Liz Truss?

How the colleagues kids might feel in the future, isn’t Ops business.

if a poster posted about her husband lying, that would be a personal issue that impacted the op directly. I would say the colleagues were weird, for asking their dh to sack them, if they also admitted it had no impact on his work.

The op isn’t impacted directly because they are colleagues. The colleague isn’t lying about Op. It doesnt directly impact op, other than she is choosing to get involved.

No one said having friends in HR doesn’t help people. But it’s really odd, to lie about your marriage when your best friend works in HR. It’s really odd to go to Hr knowing they are best friends and asking HR to sack someone. You have no right to tell HR to sack someone. You can take a problem to them, but your opinion on how it should be dealt isn’t part of that.

The ops behaviour is so odd, that I believe she has something incorrect. She has crossed wires somewhere. The colleague can’t be sacked. And the Op should stop investigating her personal life. If it impacts the work, then she can take that back to HR.

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does it only matter if someone is a liar if it affects you personally then?

To that end, are people who report trolls on here wrong because someone else’s fantacy about their fictional relationship or fictional children doesn’t affect other posters personally?

And that is just it, this person has fictional children and a fictional relationship based on her fictional or perhaps fantasised sexuality.

Obviously you can’t be sacked for being a compulsive liar but you certainly can’t be trusted either. Who the hell would want to be friends with someone who lied to that degree. What lies will she have told her friends I wonder. Because this won’t be all she has lied about.

I know of someone who has lied about his mother’s death. Has then gone on to lie about an inheritance he didn’t get. It hasn’t actually affected the person he originally lied to, but then it’s come out that his whole life has been a lie. He’s had jobs he didn’t, has about 5 women on the go, has lied to them all about his grief to extort money from them. And yet on the face of it to the outsider he lied about his mother’s death which to all intents and purposes is nobody’s business unless it affects them personally.

We judge people based on their actions.

If you’re a compulsive liar then people are going to find out. And if someone finds out that you’re a compulsive liar then if they tell others you have only yourself to blame.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 14/09/2022 07:25

Doyoumind · 14/09/2022 07:13

No 94% of people think OP is unreasonable to think this woman should be sacked, not that it's ok to lie. You can't sack someone for lying about their personal life.

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Very few of the posts mention the suggestion the person be sacked though. In fact the majority of posts on this thread have focused on the person being a liar and how it’s none of the OP’s business if she’s invented a fictional life, and that she is somehow a victim whereas the OP is being a busy body even though this person isn’t actually who she says she is.

Most of the posters have clearly completely overlooked the suggestion she be sacked. So actually yes, I think that the majority of yabu votes is that the OP is unreasonable to take exception/be incredulous at the fact that someone make up a completely fictitious life and claim victim status on that basis.

MsMoody · 14/09/2022 07:28

Tell her who your aunt is and see what happens.

OldAndTubby · 14/09/2022 07:30

And that is just it, this person has fictional children and a fictional relationship based on her fictional or perhaps fantasised sexuality.

but we don't know this and nor does the OP. She thinks she does, and based on what she thinks she knows, she's gone to HR (which is odd knowing he is the this persons best mate). Most people would surely just say 'oh you have twin girls! I thought you had a boy?' not go running off to HR. The OP doesn't know this person at all. There could be all manner of explanations for the confusion between gf and husband, or number of children (step families, divorce, DV...)

If someone thought I was lying about something, I'd far rather than approached me directly and asked me, than went running to my best mate in HR to get me sacked (though if my best mate worked.in.HR, I'm pretty sure they'd b fuming at the nonsense on my behalf)

Herejustforthisone · 14/09/2022 07:54

How old are you, OP? You’re on a bit of a witch hunt.

You’ve mentioned your concerns to HR now, that’s all you can do. Leave it. And if she’s a good carer, it doesn’t make much difference.

Novum · 14/09/2022 07:54

The op isn’t impacted directly because they are colleagues. The colleague isn’t lying about Op. It doesnt directly impact op, other than she is choosing to get involved.

OP is impacted because it's an occupation that heavily depends on trust. Colleagues need to be able to trust each other. For obvious reasons this person can't be trusted.

giveovernate · 14/09/2022 07:59

@GhostFromTheOtherSide the title is the AIBU, that's what people vote on!

No the person should not be sacked, as HR have confirmed. But the OP is unhappy with that so she's taken to
MN for them to play jury, it's backfired, because they agree with HR. Unsurprisingly!

People that are good at their job are hide to find,

Let's hope for OPs sake that the other HR isn't a MN user. Could make for an interesting turn of events!

milkyaqua · 14/09/2022 07:59

Doyoumind · 14/09/2022 07:13

No 94% of people think OP is unreasonable to think this woman should be sacked, not that it's ok to lie. You can't sack someone for lying about their personal life.

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Some sample responses:

How is it a work issue? What makes it your business?

It isn't a work issue because it isn't affecting their work.

If her work isn't impacted in any way then no.

#JusticeForSociopaths!

I fail to see how people imagine this hard line between lying at work about major factors of your life (your sexuality, your spouse, your offspring) and still being somehow a trustworthy person to have working in a position of sensitivity, as if the two are unconnected. They are not.

giveovernate · 14/09/2022 08:04

Novum · 14/09/2022 07:54

The op isn’t impacted directly because they are colleagues. The colleague isn’t lying about Op. It doesnt directly impact op, other than she is choosing to get involved.

OP is impacted because it's an occupation that heavily depends on trust. Colleagues need to be able to trust each other. For obvious reasons this person can't be trusted.

She's not impacted, she's worried, she's dealt with that by informing HR. She needs to move on and as she said the person is good at their job.

Bangolads · 14/09/2022 08:06

You want to sack someone because you find them creepy? You’re being ridiculous and a little bit scary.

Stripedbag101 · 14/09/2022 08:09

i think these are caters for the elderly. So I assume visit peoples homes and help with personal care.

they need to be trusted not to be compassionate and deliver high quality care. They need to be trusted not to steal and not to discuss the people they are caring for.

while yes this lady might be lying about her personal life, I am sure there is no requirement in her contract to discuss her private life or be truthful about it. By no stretch of the imagination is this a sackable offence.

trying to argue she might lie in the future about a work related matter is crazy - you can’t sack someone because of what you think she might do.

OP was incredibly naive to think this was a matter that HR would act on. Yes keep your distance if you don’t think she is trustworthy - but don’t try and be the morality police for your colleagues.

Stripedbag101 · 14/09/2022 08:09

Trusted to be compassionate!!

giveovernate · 14/09/2022 08:10

Stripedbag101 · 14/09/2022 08:09

i think these are caters for the elderly. So I assume visit peoples homes and help with personal care.

they need to be trusted not to be compassionate and deliver high quality care. They need to be trusted not to steal and not to discuss the people they are caring for.

while yes this lady might be lying about her personal life, I am sure there is no requirement in her contract to discuss her private life or be truthful about it. By no stretch of the imagination is this a sackable offence.

trying to argue she might lie in the future about a work related matter is crazy - you can’t sack someone because of what you think she might do.

OP was incredibly naive to think this was a matter that HR would act on. Yes keep your distance if you don’t think she is trustworthy - but don’t try and be the morality police for your colleagues.

👏 👏 👏