AIBU to let my teenager wear this?

[imnotquitesure]

My 16 year old DD is going to a party and I have bought her this dress. I at first said it was inappropriate but I caved and bought it anyway. I said if it is not appropriate when it arrives I will send it back. She thinks this unfair and I shouldn't control what she wears at 16 because all her friends wear the same. AIBU?

Well truthfully you can’t really stop her.
and she’s not wrong, the majority of teenagers dress like 23 year olds going clubbing.
I know what you mean, it would make me uncomfortable too but honestly pick your battles.

I agree, most of my dds friends dress like this for parties.
I think it’s important to make sure she understands that she looks amazing and it will attract attention, some of it unwanted. You need to make sure she’s mature enough to handle it appropriately. I know that’s really not right, but unfortunately it’s the way it is!

Unless your 16 year old has had a boob job or is particularly big busted it's not going to look quite as full on on her as it does on the model.

It's just a strappy dress in reality.

Let her wear it while she has the body and confidence to, your a long time too old to wear it.

At 16 I think you just need to tell her what you think, be open with her about the possible consequences of wearing it, give her the tools as much as you can about how to deal with the attention she may receive and then leave it up to her to decide.

I think you have to support her no matter what.

I used to wear things like that at 16 onwards really as that's when I started going to proper parties. No harm in it and I'm sure she'll look fab. Just remember to make sure she knows that it's shit that the world is this way but she may get more unwanted attention wearing things like that. Just make sure she is equipped to deal with it.

I got up to lots that I shouldn't have when I was a teenager as many of us did, but because my mum didn't pick the small battles as the hills to die on, she gained my trust in my later teen years (when she's no longer able to tell me what to do, but I came to her for advice and asked her what I should do) due to the fact that I knew she wouldn't sweat the small stuff.

she's more like an adult than a child now op i think the time for controlling her clothes has gone by

As long as you have a conversation with her about why she wants to wear it in the first place and how shit it is that women are constantly objectified and society places value on their appearance - yeah, I'd let her.

As above posters have said - make sure she's equipped to deal with the attention she might get, and knows that that attention does not always come from a good place.

I wouldn't want my daughter to wear it. It's too sexualised and I'd worry she'd get in a position she couldn't handle.

You can't stop her at 16, really, can you. I find it weird young women want to dress like this, but I was into grunge at their age so what do I know?!

This is so true, that photo looks CGI-ed 😂

I think you are fighting a losing battle by trying to control what she wears. You've bought the dress now too.

If she looks awful in it, tell her (in a nice way), but ultimately it's her choice.

I agree - it is never the outfit's fault, it is always the perpetrator's fault.

It is a myth that a woman/girl is safe if they wear unrevealing clothing.

She thinks this unfair and I shouldn't control what she wears at 16

Well, you can if you're the one paying for the clothes I suppose.

But I don't think this will be that bad when it actually arrives. The model looks pretty photoshopped.

the main thing is she’s not going to look like the picture unless she has a very large chest, so it will probably just look like a skimpy blue dress. Let her wear what she wants and make her take a blazer or something incase she feels she wants to be more covered up later on

It depends what it looks like on her as it will vary greatly depending on her height and body shape. It will be a lot more revealing if she's tall and heavier than if short and petite.
I see a lot of teen girls on my late train dressed similarly, and they often can't handle the restrictions of their dresses, bending over, feet up and revealing more than they realise. So it also depends on how mature she is in her demeanor.
In your shoes I'd be steering her towards a less revealing version of the same thing. There are plenty of other options around that have the same look and colour, but not so low cut and minus the cut out, so its not like it's either that one or her looking totally out of place.

Who is paying for it?
She wants it - she pays. You get no say.
You pay - you say no.
It's an ugly dress tbh.

I wouldn’t want my daughter to wear it either. If she gets in to a difficult situation, which of course is not her fault nor the fault of what she’s wearing, I want her to be able to run fast. I’d also be worried she’d flash her pants or a boob might fly out because mine can be a bit clumsy 😄
Some men are revolting and may be stupid enough to think she’s asking for it, can she handle that attention?
Personally, I wouldn’t have bought it for mine, if she wants to wear it fine she can buy it herself.

It is true that if she gets hassle it won’t be her fault at all, but I think it’s crazy to send girls out like cannon fodder into an alcohol-fuelled hotbed of sexual assault (ie teen party) because they ‘should be able to dress however they want’. We all have to live in the real world and accept that young women are seen as prey in a way that young men aren’t. Anyway, I agree with pps that by 16 you are past the point where you can forbid clothing. You just need to make sure you’ve spelled out the possible consequences: unwanted attention; being perceived as available; being grabbed etc. Unfortunately all these are more likely wearing something like that dress.

Is she emotionally mature enough to be able to deal with the kind of attention that the dress might bring, both in the moment, and the emotional after effects?

Welcome to Mumsnet, OP. What a pervy first post.

Just be happy she has the confidence to wear such a thing and isn't hiding in hoodies and cutting her arms like so many 16 year olds. 😢

I agree with this. Of course no clothing is asking for it, but men are disgusting. If she walks outdoors in that, they will shout out of cars etc. I don't have a daughter and I grew up in the baggy jeans era so I have no idea how you persuade any girl not to wear what her friends do, but I just wouldn't have bought this, sorry.