Page 4 | AIBU to let my teenager wear this?

imnotquitesure · 2022-09-12T15:31:56+00:00

My 16 year old DD is going to a party and I have bought her this dress. I at first said it was inappropriate but I caved and bought it anyway. I said if it is not appropriate when it arrives I will send it back. She thinks this unfair and I shouldn't control what she wears at 16 because all her friends wear the same. AIBU?

Aubriella · 12/09/2022 18:27

Needmorelego · 12/09/2022 17:56

@Aubriella is that from the 'Target Prairie Dress' thing doing the internet rounds a couple of years back 😂
That was hilarious.

Got it in one!

Hawkins001 · 12/09/2022 18:28

imnotquitesure · 12/09/2022 17:03

She does not have her own money so can only buy clothes with my approval

On the flip side worse case of you had not brought the dress, her friends lend her x, and they buy the dress, she goes to friends wearing one outfit, then changes there into the dress.

IntegrityisDead · 12/09/2022 18:33

All girls in my wider family and they have all worn this type of clothing at that age - it is about fitting in - mostly to all-girl gatherings at each others' homes. That have all passed through this stage and are able to dress appropriately for work/play/hobbies. I fully expect the youngest, still 16, to pass through and be on the way to developing her own style by the time she finishes sixth form!!

For all those of you who think girls aren't aware that men/boys perv over a bit of skin - these are kids who have survived years of pe lessons wearing compulsory (vile) uniforms where their bodies are still commented on by any males in the vicinity - at least she thinks she likes this dress!!

FlissyPaps · 12/09/2022 18:40

We shouldn’t be telling females what or not what to wear but teaching males how to respect females

maddiemookins16mum · 12/09/2022 18:41

13, I’d say no. 16, she’s a young adult. She chooses what she wears.

Jota67 · 12/09/2022 18:41

I think the dress is fairly typical for her age and all the girls wear stuff like that from Boohoo PLT etc.
My daughter and her friends all wear strappy dresses to parties . It's just that age ....
I would let her wear what she likes as her style will develop and improve. Let her enjoy. She is not doing any harm and I presume it's not an expensive dress .

Softplayhooray · 12/09/2022 18:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I agree with this - and it doesn't feel victim blaming at all. Nobody is saying anybody is asking for anything - more that it's a scary world, there are predators everywhere who might target your daughter (which is revolting) and she needs to be aware that might happen so she can protect herself. It's a bloody awful world we live in but it's the reality. Of course women get targeted no matter what they wear but I remember myself getting more nasty attention if you want to call it that when I was younger and wore really revealing outfits. It shouldn't happen but it does and I think it's worse than in our day because of all the disgusting misogynistic internet content.

pictish · 12/09/2022 18:49

Horrible dress…wouldn’t be seen dead in it myself, but in the spirit of being pro choice, if that’s what she wants. 🤷‍♀️

I do balk at the fanny skimming, ultra tight, tasteless dresses that are de rigueur on young women and girls now. They’re so nasty. As is all the fake tan and caked on make-up and false eyelashes. Gross. But it’s the fashion and most of them want to be the same.

nomoreflyingfucks · 12/09/2022 18:49

Wont she be cold?

pigsDOfly · 12/09/2022 18:50

ChampagneLassie · 12/09/2022 17:30

Lots of 16 year old have large boobs! It's not like boobs only grow at 18! 🤣

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Yes, I realise that but the model has an obvious boob job or it's been photoshopped that's what I meant.

I did say 'a boob job or is particularly big busted'

If she's spilling out of it, of course it will look inappropriate at that age, or any age come to that.

Witchcraftandhokum · 12/09/2022 18:51

savehannah

Just be happy she has the confidence to wear such a thing and isn't hiding in hoodies and cutting her arms like so many 16 year olds

You do realise they are not the only two options?

canyouextrapol · 12/09/2022 18:52

I think it's horrible. Would hate if it my child went out in it, but she wouldn't want to luckily

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 12/09/2022 18:53

Why do so many people say "you can't stop her"?

Of course you can. She's a child.She can wear, do and go only when OP says she can. That's called parenting.

OP, if you think it's inappropriate, say no. It really is that simple

WonderingWanda · 12/09/2022 18:54

I used to wear dreadfully inappropriate things aged 16 but had become a little bit more self conscious by 18.

Stravaig · 12/09/2022 18:59

Your first parental instinct was right, OP! It is vile. Very 'How much, love?'

Loics · 12/09/2022 19:02

It looks cheap and tacky, but at 16 it's her choice. We all need outfits to look back and cringe at, I suppose!

IhMrsPr · 12/09/2022 19:02

Only if she promised to wear an overcoat with it.

namechangetheworld · 12/09/2022 19:03

Agree with PPs that you need to step up and do some actual parenting to your child. That dress screams desperation, and if she's going to a club or pub many disgusting men will see her as easy prey. They shouldn't, but they will. I wouldn't be letting my sixteen year old put herself in that situation.

FlissyPaps · 12/09/2022 19:03

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 12/09/2022 18:53

Why do so many people say "you can't stop her"?

Of course you can. She's a child.She can wear, do and go only when OP says she can. That's called parenting.

OP, if you think it's inappropriate, say no. It really is that simple

Then you run this risks of:

DD missing out on the party. Causing tension with her mum.
DD leaving the house in a more Mumsnet appropriate outfit and changing into the one she wants at the party/her friends house/in some random public place.
Wearing something else she doesn’t want to wear and feeling like the odd one out and getting teased if all her friends wear something similar to the blue dress.

A 16 year old isn’t a small child. They are old enough for a job, a national insurance number, consent to lawful intercourse, buy a lottery ticket, get married, leave home, join the army.

A 16 year old should be able to choose and wear their own clothes.

dalisdrippingclock · 12/09/2022 19:07

Notanotherwindow · 12/09/2022 17:52

It's perfectly appropriate as long as she is standing on a street corner in Amsterdam.

Please just don't do this. I sincerely hope that you are not a parent of daughters.

Redbone · 12/09/2022 19:08

If she were my 16 daughter she definitely would not be wearing that! Fortunately I have only boys.

BlodynGwyn · 12/09/2022 19:10

I'm an old fuddy duddy, but I'd have to see her in it first. If she looked nice, flattered her body, I'd be ok with it. If she had rolls of fat exposed, or something, I'd tell her it didn't suit/fit her and why. I grew up when the mini skirt became fashionable and we tell each other if we didn't have the legs for it. Most women didn't care though and that's why the maxi dress became popular soon after.

I guess you call it body shaming now.

FlissyPaps · 12/09/2022 19:13

BlodynGwyn · 12/09/2022 19:10

I'm an old fuddy duddy, but I'd have to see her in it first. If she looked nice, flattered her body, I'd be ok with it. If she had rolls of fat exposed, or something, I'd tell her it didn't suit/fit her and why. I grew up when the mini skirt became fashionable and we tell each other if we didn't have the legs for it. Most women didn't care though and that's why the maxi dress became popular soon after.

I guess you call it body shaming now.

What a vile comment

thenewduchessoflapland · 12/09/2022 19:13

ICanHideButICantRun · 12/09/2022 16:46

I wouldn't want my daughter to wear it. It's too sexualised and I'd worry she'd get in a position she couldn't handle.

A female shouldn't have to adjust the way she dresses because a male can't control themselves;talk about giving in to the patriarchy;how about we all make sure we teach our sons what consent is.

Kissingfrogs25 · 12/09/2022 19:15

FlissyPaps · 12/09/2022 19:03

Then you run this risks of:

DD missing out on the party. Causing tension with her mum.
DD leaving the house in a more Mumsnet appropriate outfit and changing into the one she wants at the party/her friends house/in some random public place.
Wearing something else she doesn’t want to wear and feeling like the odd one out and getting teased if all her friends wear something similar to the blue dress.

A 16 year old isn’t a small child. They are old enough for a job, a national insurance number, consent to lawful intercourse, buy a lottery ticket, get married, leave home, join the army.

A 16 year old should be able to choose and wear their own clothes.

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what the hell?!

There is no reason why she would miss the party

She can't change if op drops her off at the party

Raising the bar slightly should not see her friends ditching her on masse, are you really going to raise such an insecure child that she feels she has to wear stripper dresses just so her friends are not mean to her?! Are you serious? Where did mutual respect go and everyone rocking their own style?? My dds wear oversized clothes/some times mini skirts/sometimes army combats and army gear/sometimes mens clothes as they are fluid that day. No one is going to say you are not showing enough breast/fanny/leg. Why would they? Please don't raise your children to give in so easily to peer pressure if that is present in their lives. Will the same friends demand she takes drugs, has sex and jumps off a cliff for their benefit.

Really flissypaps we are trying to raise assertive, strong and respected women.
Your gushing about all the things she can do in a stripper dress is stating the obvious. The neediness of having to dress in that to please others is the exactly what I am trying to avoid with my teens! Jesus wept.