AIBU to let my teenager wear this?

[imnotquitesure]

My 16 year old DD is going to a party and I have bought her this dress. I at first said it was inappropriate but I caved and bought it anyway. I said if it is not appropriate when it arrives I will send it back. She thinks this unfair and I shouldn't control what she wears at 16 because all her friends wear the same. AIBU?

Wow, 16YOs really do have appalling taste, don’t they?

There’s a reason you don’t see dresses like that on people over the age of 19, and it’s only partly to do with whether or not you have the figure to carry it off.

This was I thought.



You have to live in the real world though. There are a lot of pervy men who would love to see 16 year olds dressed like that. That is the reality. Of course girls and women shouldn't have to think like that, but that is how it is. I agree the way to change it is to bring up men to respect women. But I'm guessing that isn't going to happen before the OP's daughter wears this dress.

It’s an ugly dress. For a mature woman not a young girl. Urg.

Inappropriate for a party with her peers - no. What are your concerns exactly?

No a female shouldn’t have to adjust the way she dresses, but the very sad reality is this dress is much more likely to get harassing comments than jeans and a t shirt would. I wouldn’t want my 16 year old to trailblazer the patriarchy without understanding what she’s doing and being equipped and confident enough to handle it.
Definitely agree let’s teach our sons about consent and respect, but from my experience it isn’t going to be a 16 year old boy who she can’t handle but an older man.

@Kissingfrogs25 There is no reason why she would miss the party

She can't change if op drops her off at the party

Don’t be naive. Of course she can change if she gets dropped off at the party. She could take it hidden in a bag, arrange for a friend to bring one for her. Wear in underneath clothes she’s already got on. Teens aren’t daft.

Calling the dress a “stripper dress” is vile. It really shows your internalised misogyny.

Women can still be assertive, strong and respected whilst wearing whatever clothes they want to.

Do whatever you want with your teens. But don’t judge other parents who do different to you.

Have a look at the Shein, Boo Hoo and Pretty Little Thing websites. There's more conservative versions of that type of dress on there.

Looks more like a swimsuit than a dress tbh.

Agree with all of this. It looks cheap (cheaply made, not the person wearing it) and tacky but appreciate it's a teenage party and not London Fashion Week (thank God). My heart would sink a little but what I don't get is why you 'caved' and got it but said you'd see what it looked like. I think the picture is pretty clear, buying it but withholding it (unless it is seriously misleading in the pic) is a bit of a mixed message.

Just had a look on PLT blue dresses there's a few that are less revealing than that.
(There are also a few even more so, so you may come away thinking you got off lightly with the first one!)😂

A female shouldn't have to adjust the way she dresses because a male can't control themselves;talk about giving in to the patriarchy;how about we all make sure we teach our sons what consent is.

But you can't control how other people's sons behave, can you? I think she should be allowed to have fun and feel good but this dress really isn't appropriate at 16, year 11, in my mind. She could just as easily wear a similar body con dress without being so low cut etc and still fit in with her mates.

Like others said, you can actually say no to your child and come to a compromise where both are happy.

As for giving in to the patriarchy, that very much goes both ways. Enforcing a modest dress code and girls having to wear revealing clothes are both 'giving into the patriarchy'.

Well, you chose to buy it. Did you think you were reasonable to do so? What other people think, really is neither here nor there.

The dress is awful but it's very typical of what young girls are now wearing out. In fairness, she picked a nice colour.

If this is the type of thing she wants to wear she'll find a way, she'll borrow on, find a way to buy it, change in a friend's or the toilets or even shop lift.

How does she respond to bribery? As in if you like her choices, you'll buy two. If you don't, you'll only buy one.

Or if she wasn't one you don't like, she has to skip the next night out or has to do extra chores.

What about compromise? My mum used to have a rule, skimpy on top, covered on the bottom or vice versa. Never both.

Fir me, it would also be a case of pick my battles. If she's good in school, limits drinking, no drugs etc... more latitude on dresses if that's the only issue etc.

My DD was groped in a club this weekend whilst wearing jeans and a T shirt. Nothings revealing. It’s the groomers that’s are the issue , not the wearer of the clothes.

That dress really is minging!!

Gropers not groomers

She is old enough to have a job so old enough to dress how she wants.

I would certainly not buy my daughter a dress like that. I wouldn’t feel safe for her if she went out in it. When she starts earning her own money and living on her own she can buy what she wants but I wouldn’t buy it for her

That's just plain trashy, surely there are better options than that?

The dress looks cheap and tacky imo and the wearer would also look tacky and awful whether they're 16 or 36.

I wouldn't have bought it for a 16 year old. I'm not a prude but nor am I a fan of dresses that make you look like an extra from Pretty Woman.

Some really judgemental people on this thread who clearly don't know teenagers!!!

Wow. I'm so glad I have boys!

One thing you have done is done is raise a daughter with a lot of confidence because there is no in hell I would have worn that at 16!

I agree it's a bit tacky but if that's what she wanted...