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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my teenager wear this?

240 replies

imnotquitesure · 12/09/2022 16:31

My 16 year old DD is going to a party and I have bought her this dress. I at first said it was inappropriate but I caved and bought it anyway. I said if it is not appropriate when it arrives I will send it back. She thinks this unfair and I shouldn't control what she wears at 16 because all her friends wear the same. AIBU?

OP posts:
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Original poster
imnotquitesure · 12/09/2022 17:03

She does not have her own money so can only buy clothes with my approval

OP posts:
Floomobal · 12/09/2022 17:05

You can’t stop her wearing things, but you’re under no obligation to buy them

waterrat · 12/09/2022 17:08

Now I am too old to wear stuff like that - I say enjoy your hot bod while you can.

carefullycourageous · 12/09/2022 17:13

Floomobal · 12/09/2022 17:05

You can’t stop her wearing things, but you’re under no obligation to buy them

I agree with this too.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/09/2022 17:14

My 20yo DD would say "You'll need a very clean vest under that"
Its what my Dad always said to me Wink

Watchthesunrise · 12/09/2022 17:19

If she doesn't have her own money by 16 you've got bigger life skills lessons to teach her than how to choose appropriate clothing that suits an occasion.
#catsbumface

Twinsmummy1812 · 12/09/2022 17:22

God I’m getting old…I would be horrified if my daughter (18) wanted to wear this, it’s the tackiest thing I’ve ever seen. Neither her nor her friends wore anything like this at their school ball, there were a wide range of outfits and they all looked lovely. Some had low backs or cleavages or had short skirts or splits, but not all at once. This is so chavvy, can’t you have a word? Belongs with orange tans and massive fake eyelashes that just look cheap and nasty. Feeling the need to wear as tight, short and little as possible smacks of low self esteem to me.

Or just accept that she is 16 and will wear what she wants and be proud of it. What do I know, I’m clearly much more of a prude or prim than I realised.

purfectpuss · 12/09/2022 17:26

Littlemissprosecco · 12/09/2022 16:37

I agree, most of my dds friends dress like this for parties.
I think it’s important to make sure she understands that she looks amazing and it will attract attention, some of it unwanted. You need to make sure she’s mature enough to handle it appropriately. I know that’s really not right, but unfortunately it’s the way it is!

How do you know she will look amazing in it? She might look look like a bag of spuds for all you know!

Rooiboss · 12/09/2022 17:27

No way, that’s an outfit for an adult not a bloody 16 year old!

TolkiensFallow · 12/09/2022 17:27

It’s a horrible dress. Really looks very cheap.

imnotthatkindofmum · 12/09/2022 17:28

pigsDOfly · 12/09/2022 16:38

Unless your 16 year old has had a boob job or is particularly big busted it's not going to look quite as full on on her as it does on the model.

It's just a strappy dress in reality.

Quite a lot of 16 year old girls do have bodies like grown women. They're not all beanpoles!

MyneighbourisTotoro · 12/09/2022 17:29

You can’t stop her wearing it and I hate they we even have to have conversations about it as it feels like it’s victim blaming but have you had a conversation with her to warn her about boys/men and how they may change their behaviour towards her due to how she dresses? If she feels comfortable and confident that she can handle unwanted attention appropriately then there’s no issues but she really needs to understand these things if she wants to dress like an adult.

purfectpuss · 12/09/2022 17:30

In theory she should be able to wear what she wants without attracting unwanted attention, however, reality is very different- we don't live in an ideal world. And you don't get 16 year old boys going out in revealing sexy outfits!

ChampagneLassie · 12/09/2022 17:30

pigsDOfly · 12/09/2022 16:38

Unless your 16 year old has had a boob job or is particularly big busted it's not going to look quite as full on on her as it does on the model.

It's just a strappy dress in reality.

Lots of 16 year old have large boobs! It's not like boobs only grow at 18! 🤣

Hillrunning · 12/09/2022 17:33

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 12/09/2022 17:14

My 20yo DD would say "You'll need a very clean vest under that"
Its what my Dad always said to me Wink

What does this mean?

averageavocado · 12/09/2022 17:34

thats photoshopped to shit - no way its going to look like that

PugInTheHouse · 12/09/2022 17:35

She's 16 not 12. You shouldn't be controlling what she wears. People seem to baby their DCs so much on here. It looks pretty normal for16 yo girls to wear TBH.

waterlego · 12/09/2022 17:36

I wouldn’t buy it for my DD but I also wouldn’t actually prevent her from wearing it if she bought it for herself. Thankfully, my DD is into more relaxed/indie sort of styles so is always in flares and skinny ribs at the moment (which is exactly what I was wearing in the 90s 😂)

My nieces are into this style of dress. They are all very tall and willowy and they look very striking in their dresses but all of them spend the whole evening repeatedly tugging the hemline down and the neckline up. I don’t understand why they wear something that they’re obviously not comfortable in, but they’re teenagers so 🤷🏼‍♀️

waterlego · 12/09/2022 17:39

@Twinsmummy1812, agree with much of what you’ve said!

BlueyandDingo · 12/09/2022 17:40

Suggest she buys a similar dress with no cut through the middle? The dress probably won't look like that in real life.

Kissingfrogs25 · 12/09/2022 17:40

Honestly? I would be disappointed if my dd decided to wear this.

Original poster
imnotquitesure · 12/09/2022 17:46

@Kissingfrogs25 why would you be disappointed?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 12/09/2022 17:46

I would want to have a serious conversation about why women feel compelled to wear clothing like this when men show up to parties wearing comfortable attire, but I would let her make her own decision.

Kissingfrogs25 · 12/09/2022 17:47

It would be fine if the middle wasn't cut out, the combination of the very low top, skin tight with the hole around the cleavage is going to look grim on anyone.

I would have sat down and looked together, and found one that was figure hugging (if that was what she wanted) in the same colour with a longer length and no cut outs, so much more elegant and put together. I am definitely guiding my teenagers with a less is more approach which is true in reality. Set the tone from the beginning. Talking about fashion and helping them make good decisions is good parenting. Over taking their style is not, but you can combine the two with sensitivity.

HoliMooli · 12/09/2022 17:47

I wouldn’t be happy with my dd wearing it at 16 but, also, I wouldn’t really be able to stop her. Lots of my friends 16 year olds are wearing tight bodycon dresses like that. I’m not sure I would buy it for her though.

Also lol at the person suggesting she’d have to have a boob job to look like that! I was a C-cup by 14 and a D at 16. I’m now an H. At 16, I could’ve easily passed as in my twenties. All the girls in my family had big boobs by 16