for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

[dogsdander]

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

Agree.

They aren't the only dogs in the world; she and her parents will have to put more effort into managing her allergies regardless of what the OP does.

Can the girl wear a mask in the OP's home? Play outdoors primarily? Or can OP provide the free childcare at her brother's house?

Hopefully the problem will resolve itself as she grows up but I would think ill of anyone who asked me to dump my pets for their convenience.

Wow you have a bee in your bonnet.

I have dogs. If my nephews or nieces were allergic, would I rehome them? Like hell I would. My dogs are my family and the only people I would ever consider rehoming them would be my kids ( they would have to be severely sick for me to consider that). It's not just about cuddles and walkies. You are suggesting that because they are blood relatives they trump the love one has for their pets? They should give up their pets even when their own child loves them to accommodate a cousin? You are absolutely mental to suggest that and if you were my family I would be thanking God if you chose to go NC with me.

Family is everything
Live. Laugh. Love

“The dogs would be equally happy if rehomed” - I think this statement reveals you don’t know a lot about dogs but they absolutely suffer from rehoming (just as humans would suffer from being ripped away from their closest relationships). It’s about your responsibility to this animal you’ve chosen to take on, not puppy cuddles and walkies.

Yes animals are living beings with feelings but the fact remains they would be equally happy with another family as they are with OPs family. However, the cost to Gemma’s happiness of being excluded from her family for however long these dogs are alive- the rest of the years of her childhood at least- is greater than the temporary stress to two new dogs of being rehomed. It’s not like the dogs have lived with OP for years, it’s been 6 months. They’re not that attached to OPs family at this point. Rehoming the dogs is the kindest solution to all involved.

*The message it gives is that a human family member’s health (potentially life) is more important than getting puppy cuddles and going on walkies. That sometimes we need to make sacrifices for the good of our family.

The dogs would be equally happy if rehomed with another human family- they’re not going to suffer if rehomed. So it’s not like it’s a choice between Gemma suffering or the dogs suffering.

The message you would be giving by saying fuck off, I’m keeping the dogs is that Gemma’s life and love is less important to you than puppy cuddles and walkies. That dogs are more fun to be around than her. That you don’t care about her safety or happiness at all, it’s all about you and your desires.*

And again, doesn't the feelings of the actual child who lives in the house matter? The message that he would be getting is that a cousin is more important than him.
There are ways of managing the girl's allergies and exposure to animals. That should not come at the cost of another child's happiness.
I personally do put my dog above people and I'm very open about the fact that the only people welcome in my house are those who accept that my dog is here and he is always more important.
However, in this case the OP"S own child is more important than a niece.

They’re not that attached to OPs family at this point. Rehoming the dogs is the kindest solution to all involved.

Is it bollocks.

In my opinion, the OP is under obligation to rehome the dogs she’s had for a mere 6 months, if she cares about family at all. There’s been a family dynamic for years of all the cousins at her home and the it’s the central family gathering place. This dynamic has been broken with the very recent introduction of two dogs. It’s no one’s fault that Gemma is severely allergic. No one chooses to have a severe allergy, it’s not like Gemma can “choose” to not be allergic. But choosing to keep the dogs and destroy that family dynamic where all the cousins were growing up and playing together would be selfish imho. Absolutely selfish.

But, Discoverreads, the OP is under absolutely no obligation at all to keep their home the ‘family gathering place’. The rest of the family have just as much obligation to keep the family dynamic of the cousins hanging out together as the OP does. They can ALL make a change if they ALL value this. It’s not the OP’s sacred duty to keep their home animal-free so that the cousins can all hang out.

My dogs are a part of my family.
In fact, I prefer my dogs to some of my family!
Nothing and no one would make me give them up.
Anyone who doesn't like it can stay well away from my door. They're not welcome.

Quite! If there’s a problem then Gemma’s parents need to be the hosts! They’re excluding their daughter by not stepping up to offer these play dates .

As a child with autism, dyspraxia and mental health issues, nothing would have been more detrimental to my wellbeing than to have my pets rehomed. There'd be nothing kind about it. Thankfully my family understood the value of pets.

I have dogs. I just don’t worship them. You obviously don’t know much about dogs if you think that after 6months they’re going to be utterly devoted to you and suffer agony if they are rehomed. They’re not that complex.

And even if you think the dogs would suffer as much as Gemma would, why is the dog being prioritised over Gemma? She’s being “ripped away” from her relationships with her cousins and aunts and uncles. And unlike dogs, who can, let’s be real here, be happy with any decent family, Gemma can’t. She only has one family, and that family needs to do right by her.

No way would I get rid of my dog. I cannot believe he asked that of you.

I hope your niece doesn’t grow up as entitled as her father, I wouldn’t be getting rid of my dogs and neither would I be ripping my carpets up or changing my furniture, he needs to remember that it’s your house and maybe get someone else to provide free babysitting, he seems to think that he’s doing you a favour, is he always ridiculous?

Hell no, they need to make other arrangements. You can’t do that to your son. Your brother is a cheeky twat for even asking, plus he is taking you for a mug for even suggesting it.

What about the heartbreak OP and her family have to go through? Why is it OPs responsibility? Maybe her DB should step up and stop using his sister for free childcare and offer to have the cousins at his own house! Unfortunately they will have to find a way to manage Gemma’s allergy as she if she is very severe then she is going to have problems at school and any social events where people are pets owners.

I feel very sorry for Gemma… but no I wouldn’t be getting rid of my dog. It just means Gemma’s parents need to pull their finger out and host at theirs more. Surely?

Why can’t Gemma’s family do more to ensure their own child doesn’t miss out on playtime with her cousins by hosting all the children herself?

It wouldn’t be the same for Gemma as going to the ‘fun house’, but her parents could do enough that she doesn’t miss out on very much and her disappointment would be minimal. Especially compared to how heartbreaking it would be for your son to have to give up his beloved pets and the stress it would cause the dogs.

I have dogs.

Are they taxidermied? Considering your complete lack of understanding dogs and non existent regard for their welfare I can only assume that they must be.

I've dealt with severe mental issues in a dog before, in part caused by being rehomed twice in just a few months. It can cause very real harm and that's not to mention the impact on the OP and her son.

Obviously don't get rid of your dogs. (Tell your brother they are not possessions to be disposed of!)

Could the allergic child wear a filtration mask of some kind when she visits?

Though you may have dogs, you clearly have no understanding of them, nor care much for them if you're happy to give them up to accommodate someone who doesn't even live in your home!
Gemma's dad sounds as barking as the dogs he wants rehoming!

YANBU . Don’t get rid of your dogs. Could all of the children have a fun space at GPs? Obviously not every day. Or as pp have suggested have a dog free room for the DC to play in.

The feelings of the child, the OPs son, in the joy of having a pet dog do matter. They just don’t matter as much as the health and safety of his cousin Gemma.

There are ways of managing the girl's allergies and exposure to animals.
Apparently that’s a dead end, she can’t be exposed. It’s a severe allergy and despite seeking medical advice no medication exists to negate her allergy

That should not come at the cost of another child's happiness. pffft a child can get over not having a pet dog alot easier than a child with a dog induced asthma attack being blue lighted to hospital can breathe. Children can be perfectly happy in a pet free home. Pets are luxuries. And added happiness always comes behind health and safety.

However, in this case the OP"S own child is more important than a niece.
Yes the OPs own childs enjoyment of a pet is more important than her nieces health, companionship, and potentially life. That’s really ducked up set of values imho, the kind of values that result in OPs child growing up with a me first, I’m alright Jack so fuck you attitude.

This is why we think pets are disposable.

sad for Gemma, but she is not ops child!
why should op get rid of HER animals, that she loves, her kids ( her actually family) for a child that doesn’t even live with her!

bonkers!

the reason why we treat pets as if they are nothing.

no I would not get rid of, my pets are my family.

Once again, why is the nieces feelings more important than ops and HER actual kids?