for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

[dogsdander]

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

The feelings of the child, the OPs son, in the joy of having a pet dog do matter. They just don’t matter as much as the health and safety of his cousin Gemma.

And thus the obvious solution is not that the OP’s son lose his pets, but that Gemma is kept safe by not being in contact with the pets and that everyone meets elsewhere than OP’s house.

Like I said, I don’t worship dogs. I understand them very well, it’s you who are anthropomorphising them. Yes, I would rehome my dogs if a human family member were severely allergic to them because I value the health, safety and happiness of a human family member above the causing of temporary stress to a dog family member of finding them a new family. Especially if I’d only had those dogs for six months. It’s not like these are 12yr old dogs I’d had since they were weaned and have known no other home. These are new dogs that have barely settled. That makes a huge difference.

Gosh. I can't stand dogs and even I think YANBU. I can't believe they asked that of you!!

Again, you deliberately misread.

It's not about the nieces FEELINGS. It's about not risking her life!!

You know that’s not a practical solution. OP can’t afford and probably can’t transport 9 children on days out activities that fully replace the time spent at her home. Anything along those lines would weekend events and be few and far between.

YANBU. No way on this earth would I get rid of my pets. They are part of my family.

Arranging to do things outside of OPs home and having OPs DB have the cousins at his house for once solves that issue.
The niece is no longer excluded and no longer at risk.

What you are providing for your nephews and nieces sounds wonderful, OP. They're really lucky, and having read your posts I can see how Gemma would be devastated not to every be part of it again. I can also understand how sad her parents would be to know that her allergy will now exclude her from what's obviously such a lovely atosphere in your home.

But your sibling can''t ask you to get rid of the dog. He just can't. The best you can do is provide activities outside the house that she can join in with. In the meantime I really hope that the doctors can get the allergy under control.

They can go to the park of one of the other parents houses or DB can pay as the niece is his child and therefore his responsibility.

Oh, I see. You’re just being goady (unless you’re actually not grasping the situation.)

The feelings of the child, the OPs son, in the joy of having a pet dog do matter. They just don’t matter as much as the health and safety of his cousin Gemma.

Bit Gemma can be kept perfectly safe and healthy in her own home. There’s no need for her to go to her Aunts house except that she wants to, but we can’t always have what we want and she’s old enough to understand why.

pffft a child can get over not having a pet dog alot easier than a child with a dog induced asthma attack being blue lighted to hospital can breathe. Children can be perfectly happy in a pet free home.

Then why can’t Gemma be perfectly happy in her own pet free home? Can’t you see the massive contradiction you’ve made there? And again, there’s no need for any child to be put in the position of having a dog induced asthma attack and being blue lighted to hospital because OP isn’t going round to her nieces home and forcing her dogs on them.

You hadn't had the dogs 6 months when Gemma first had an allergic reaction, though, had you? Not if she was coming round twice a week. But you spent months faffing around with measures that were blindingly obviously very unlikely to do any good. So now you have dragged it out to 6 months you can say you can't rehome them because you've had them 6 months. Delightfully ableist to exclude a child for a potentially life threatening medical condition.

Definitely don't get rid off your dogs, OP!

Do you have a garden? Can everyone spend one afternoon (you said it's a few hours) a week in the garden instead of inside the house. If you wanted to, you could get some kind of gazebo thing for when it gets wet.
Might that work?

Wow some people are so entitled

Let's change a scenario. Gemmas dad gets a job on the other side of the country or even different country and they move. Yes it's hypothetical but it can happen. Would it be OK for Gemma to then loose contact with cousins? Would anyone even consider that or would it be irrelevant as other issues would tramp gemmas feelings?

Sounds like someone said above, they are pissed off about loosing free childcare and are demanding the OP gets rid of the dogs. Gemma can still see her cousins at her own home our other cousins homes or even outdoors.

Gemma has parents to make sure Gemma is not left out.
They have options like
Always meet outside.
Have all the nephews and nieces over to their house.
Find a drug that works on the allergy.
Pay for OP to change her entire house furnishings, that petal stuff for the dogs.

If Gemma parents wanted to they could become the fun house. There is nothing preventing them doing any or all these or something else I haven't thought of to help Gemma stay in close contact with niblings.
The very last persons problem this allergy is, is OPs.
Gemma's life will be more curtailed by this allergy anyway unless decent drugs can be found, this too is not OPs problem to solve.

There are some utter piss takers on this thread!!

Yes Gemma can be excluded like a fucking leper and kept away from her cousins. They can all continue to have fun and grow up together while she is conveniently excluded in favour of a couple of dogs. That’s going to do wonders for her self esteem and mental health to know that the company of two dogs is soooo much better than having her around to her family. She will understand perfectly why she is home alone.

@Discovereads you really do lack compete and utter empathy for a child who has obviously grown to love his pets.
If a child living in the house had severe allergies then rehoming is understandable, but this is a child who visits and who could be seen elsewhere.
I don't actually have children, but I can understand how the OP's son would feel. Losing a leg through death can be hard enough for a child to come to terms with, but what you, and other people are suggesting is a blatant message to that child that he matters less than this other child who, whilst obviously suffering from a serious allergy, can be kept away from the dogs, visited in her own pet free home, have meet ups in parks and other family members houses.

If you do have dogs then you really don't understand that they are not disposable at the whim of someone else's demands. They are living, breathing, sentient creatures that form tight bonds with their families. And yes, after 6 months those bonds are very much there and, it would appear, reciprocated by the people who these dogs live with.

I don't think anything anyone will say to you will change your mind and frankly, I don't care to do so. I have my own very low opinion of you, and people like you, who view animals as commodities and I am very glad our paths will never cross.

Gemma's life will be more curtailed by this allergy anyway unless decent drugs can be found, this too is not OPs problem to solve.

Oh yes, it’s obviously far too much to expect your own sister to help keep your daughter safe and happy by not keeping dogs she just got six months ago!

And you’d be a delightfully shit dog owner if you were prepared to give up on your pets within a few weeks without trying everything possible for the sake of a child who only comes over for a couple of hours once or twice a week.

She only has one family, and that family needs to do right by her.

Yes her parents. Who can facilitate the meet ups at their house.

@thesurrealist
If you do have dogs then you really don't understand that they are not disposable at the whim of someone else's demands

A life threatening allergy is not a “whim”! It’s not a “demand” but a reasonable accommodation for a real disability. Nor is it a small thing to be excluded for the rest of your childhood from the cousin meet-ups that will continue without you. You accuse me of lacking empathy and yet you have no understanding or empathy for the niece at all.

Yes, it’s not a small thing to get over the loss of a pet, but come on, they’ve only had the dogs for six months. It’s a much easier thing to get over the loss of a new pet (when it’s not even dying but going to a different home it will be equally happy in) than an life threatening allergy that cannot be gotten over or being excluded from growing up with the same opportunities to play with your cousins that they get.

I do feel for Gemma but your brother could facilitate play dates. If you did get rid of your dogs could your son end up resenting Gemma? In a few years as the cousins grow older they might prefer to hang out with their friends and then would the OP be allowed to get a dog?

My children are autistic and often can’t attend some things. One has coeliac disease so can’t eat out. So we do miss out on a lot of things but that’s life.

If your brother wants to maintain his daughter’s relationship with her cousin’s maybe he needs to put in some graft to ensure that happens. I can understand him being upset if you knew she had an allergy before you got the dogs but he’s now at the expense of your son, asking you to rehome your pets.

It doesn't matter, its not OPs problem. The problem are Gemmas parents whom can easily organise playdates with cousins at their own home !

OPs becomes sick and cannot have cousins anymore - gemma doesn't come around anymore

OP moves - as above

OP downgrades house / work longer hours / gets fed up with all kids - as above

There are many reasons for which Gemma might not be coming around theirs anymore and nothing to do with allergy. Would you still tell the OP she is unreasonable????

The only unreasonable people here are Gemmas parents.

Discovereads How long has OP had the dogs now? I don't think you've mentioned it?