for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

[dogsdander]

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

It's not the kindest solution to the OP, the dogs, her husband or her child.

It's the kindest solution for 1 person - the niece.

I would see the niece elsewhere- outside or at the other families homes. I would absolutely not rehome my pet for the sake of 1 person, who is not a member of the household, and can be visited and spent time with in other places.

I honestly love my pet more than most members of my own family.

Yes Gemma can be excluded like a fucking leper and kept away from her cousins

Or, her own parents could step up and start hosting the cousins perhaps?

She will understand perfectly why she is home alone.

Or, she will grow up to understand that an allergy doesn’t mean that the world revolves around her or give her the power to expect other people to do things detrimental to them for her benefit. She will have happy healthy relationships with all her cousins and she’ll see them in her own home, or the other aunt and uncles home, or the grandparents home, or when they go out.

The point is, the other cousins are having that relationship facilitated, through OPs family. The niece used to be included but is now knowingly excluded. There’s no dressing this up as anything other than the family willingly letting the rest of the family have that special space and bonding that one child in the family is excluded from.

There have been ridiculous comments on this thread like ‘ it’s important she learns the world does not revolve around her’ But it’s not the world is it? It’s her own family. Children should learn that families Centre their equal inclusion as part of the family. They should learn that.

@Discovereads your posts are completely batshit.

Exactly.

😂😂

@thesurrealist
I have my own very low opinion of you, and people like you, who view animals as commodities and I am very glad our paths will never cross.

There’s a huge spectrum there and just because you think children are so subhuman that they are not persons, and are less important than a dog, that doesn’t mean I think dogs are commodities. Dogs are precious and fantastic companions that I do love dearly. I just happen to think children are more important than dogs. I don’t think that’s wrong. You sound like the type of person who when evacuating a burning building would leave a disabled child sitting in a stairwell because you’re carrying your dog to safety and not think twice about leaving that child behind to burn to death, because your dog matters more and it’s safety comes first.

My dog is absolutely part of the family and we wouldn’t get rid of her for anything - that’s said I can see how it’s hard on Gemma. The only real solids for her parents to keep looking for medication that works - or arrange to meet up with cousins together at soft play / park instead

You’re right.

But the ‘special place does not need to keep being OP’s house.

The whole family should reconfigure their collective behaviour to include the niece.

Not one member be forced to rehome animals to maintain a precious status quo.

All the adults need to modify their behaviour in the light of the niece’s allergy.

All of them. Not just the OP.

About time all the aunts and uncles stepped up to offer play date time at their houses too then isnt it

I'm quite aware of the seriousness of allergies.
I'm also quite aware that it is going to affect this child for the rest of her life, quite possibly. Her and her parents are going to have to make adjustments to ensure her safety - that means meeting people who have animals in places away from those peoples houses.

It does not mean that people with dogs should rehome their pets because a visitor to the house has an allergy. That's insane.

And you are being deliberately obtuse or hysterical. Probably both. Either way I can't be bothered to engage with you again. 🤦‍♀️

It makes no difference. A dog will build a bond with its owner within days if that owner is a decent owner.
Dogs, or any other animal aren't there to be disposed of at will. They're not toys!
Gemma doesn't even live at the ops house, the ops son does though.
Clearly your niece would be more important than your son and your dog! You would be happy to chuck your dog out with the rubbish it seems.

You must be joking, she’s not going to have happy healthy relationships with these family members. Why? Because dogs are more important than her. Because she “deserves” to be punished for having a severe allergy. Because as an adult even though her capitalist pig doesn’t give a shit about her employer would be required by law to accommodate her with a dog free workplace, her family who is supposed to give a shit about her won’t even do that much for her.

There won’t be “happy families” after this. It will cause a rift.

@DancingBudgie
A dog will build a bond with its owner within days if that owner is a decent owner.

Exactly, the dogs won’t even remember the OP or her son a year from now if rehomed with a decent family.

You must be joking, she’s not going to have happy healthy relationships with these family members. Why? Because dogs are more important than her. Because she “deserves” to be punished for having a severe allergy. Because as an adult even though her capitalist pig doesn’t give a shit about her employer would be required by law to accommodate her with a dog free workplace, her family who is supposed to give a shit about her won’t even do that much for her. There won’t be “happy families” after this. It will cause a rift.

Your posts are so absurd that I wouldn't be surprised if you were Gemma's mum.

the obvious solution is not that the OP’s son lose his pets, but that Gemma is kept safe by not being in contact with the pets and that everyone meets elsewhere than OP’s house.

Exactly. People on this thread are demanding that the OP gets rid of her dog and generally jumps through hoops to try to resolve her niece's problem, while her actual parents do nothing to facilitate other means of the cousins all getting together.

Yep. Batshit. Just 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦‍♀️

And you sound as barking as Gemma's dad!
Suddenly anyone who doesn't agree to put their dogs out with the rubbish is seeing kids as subhuman and would happily leave disabled kids to burn to death.
You need help and fast.

It’s about teaching your child that your actual human family matter more than a pet. And a rather new pet at that.

Bloody hell - stop being so dramatic, her life isn’t at risk if she doesn’t live there. She’s perfectly safe in her own home

I think you need a lie down, you're hysterical - and not in a good way

There have been ridiculous comments on this thread like ‘ it’s important she learns the world does not revolve around her’ But it’s not the world is it? It’s her own family. Children should learn that families Centre their equal inclusion as part of the family. They should learn that.

But how do you teach that to two children whose needs are directly opposite? Because there are two children to consider here, not just one. And only one of those children lives in the house in question.

How does OP successfully make Gemma feel like she matters without making her think that she has a right to anything she wants at the same time as teaching her own son that his feelings are of equal importance to Gemma’s, even though she’s only there for a few hours a week, at the same time as getting rid of the dogs he lives will full time and loves very much?

Has anyone suggested that they just meet somewhere else because its no longer convenient. Things change.

You're coming across as a bit unhinged tbh

Don't talk wet.
Love how you twist the narrative to suit your own twisted view.
A dog being constantly re-homed would end up with psychological problems that would make you seem sane.