Had to cancel & trying to reschedule Mum’s funeral

[RubyRhubarb]

I’ve had to cancel my mums funeral as it was on the 19th. Now completely in limbo about the new date. The funeral directors (who would have done the funeral on the 19th but the crematorium & wake venue are closing) have been very helpful but many slots for both are booked. I’m waiting to see if we can still get the crematoria, wake venue & vicar of choice (my mum was a regular church goer) in a fairly reasonable timescale, if not, then it’s back to the drawing board.

I’m devastated & angry. I’m so sad that my lovely mum has to wait even longer to be laid at rest.

I’d organised everything by early last week. Then I spent the weekend cancelling everything. Now I’ve got to recontact everyone again once we know the new date. It’s emotionally exhausting.

I thought by now this would gave all been done & I would just be able to focus on my mourning.

I know I won’t be the only one in this position. However I’ve worked in emergency planning & operational scenario planning. Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress.

Some kind of acknowledgment of this in one of the many speeches would have been nice. That would make it feel so much better.

But I guess the little people don’t matter enough to given even that small consideration & yes, I am bitter about this.

Thank you all so much for your lovely words, I really really appreciate them. I'm also very sorry for everyone else who has had disappointments because of all this.

The funeral directors have been fabulous & we are all working hard to try and get the same time, vicar, crematorium & venue. No firm news yet but hopefully we're getting there & should be able to hold it the same week.

We don't really want to change anything as it's all ideally located for our older relatives, some who are coming a long way. Also by having the cremation in the middle of the day, followed by the wake in a beautiful venue near by the crematorium, it means that most will be able to do the journey in one day, and not have to book hotels unless they want to.

It would be far from ideal having the wake at our house, (we have considered this) as we live in a very remote rural area, we're quite a drive from the crematorium & not near good transport links, so this would add a considerable amount of travel time for people. Plus our house has a lot of accessibility issues for our older & frail relatives.

I don't have any issue with the crematorium & wake venue being closed. I think they are in an impossible position. I think the official govt announcement & phrasing makes it difficult to stay open. However, I do think the Govt could have put one sentence at the end of their official notice saying something along the lines of -

"we understand this will cause some disruption & upheaval for individuals & organisations & recognise this. We are grateful for everyone's support in enabling people to pay their respects to Her Majesty"

I put the world recognise in rather than apologise as it seems that its difficult for the powers in charge to apologise at times!

However at least this would have made me feel (and those of us who have had to reschedule important events, commitments etc) have been noticed & thanked.

www.gov.uk/government/news/bank-holiday-announced-for-her-majesty-queen-elizabeth-iis-state-funeral-on-monday-19-september

Interesting to note that her father's funeral wasn't a bank holiday though....I know he didn't reign as long but he did reign over the period of WW2. However having the funeral over the weekend would have impacted on others (particularly weddings I would have thought) so either way, people's plans get disrupted.

Anyway, thanks again for everyone's loveliness and virtual hugs. I'll let you know when it is all sorted

That's awful. I'm so sorry for your loss.

You do not need this added stress.

I am so sorry, how upsetting for you. Many condolences on the loss of your mum. I hope you get another date to celebrate her life, very soon. I would feel angry too OP

Several people have suggested that it would have been better for the funeral to be at the weekend, rather than a week day, to avoid clashes with medical appointments, childcare issues etc. Whilst this is a very fair point, I was suggesting that a Saturday funeral would not be without problems either. Obviously events happen every day of the week but there are more large sporting fixtures, parties, concerts etc at the weekend, which many people (me included) might not be comfortable with attending on the day of the Queen's funeral. And although I am not suggesting that anyone should have to postpone their wedding, celebrating your wedding on the same day of the funeral might not feel as happy and celebratory an occasion as it might otherwise have been.

@SoftSheen I take your point. Sunday May have been less of an issue in that regard though.

Also, I think disruption to sporting events and concerts etc. is less brutal than some of the things that are happening due to a short notice BH on the Monday.

However, I appreciate that people will have differing perspectives.

I suspect it's rather a niche group of people who might find their wedding less happy due to it being on the same day as the funeral of a 96 year old who lived a long and full life, died with all her family around her and who they didn't know.

Sunday May have been less of an issue in that regard though.

It would be really rare to have a Church of England church funeral on a Sunday. As the Queen was of an older generation and a traditionalist, it would be very unlikely indeed to break this tradition for her own funeral.

Some people wouldn't find it ideal to find that they were destined to celebrate their long-planned wedding (or their friends') on such a day of national mourning. Everyone feels differently, but many, including me, feel very sad about the Queen's death. Clearly no-one should have to re-schedule either a wedding or a funeral though, and it is terrible that the OP has had to do this.

Yeah, Saturday would definitely have been worse for weddings; weekdays for work and funerals.; Sunday out for religious tradition reasons. No perfect option.

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for you that this happened. I hadn't even considered funerals. I so hope you are able to reschedule for the same week but you have my utmost sympathy for your loss and this impossible situation on top Xxx

As I said, I suspect it's rather a niche group who would find their own wedding day sadder because it happens to coincide with the queen's funeral, which is not the same thing as feeling some sadness about her death per se.

Also, finding it less than ideal is a different thing again to feeling sadness. I couldn't give a tiny shit about the funeral, but I would find it less than ideal to have my wedding at the same time for solely logistical and practical reasons.

It is a bit of a catch 22 though really, agree there would be people screwed over whatever happened.

What I struggle is with this idea of being “very sad” that a very elderly woman who led a fantastically filled life has passed in seemingly with minimal suffering

"and I'm sat in the office worrying about how on earth we're going to pay for it."
If you cannot afford to pay for 1 day your business is not viable

Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress

I disagree, I don't think they even considered it OP. It's a disgrace. it is outrageous that anyone would think it justifiable in any way to cancel a funeral - the staff could have been given a day in lieu at a later date when they don't have funerals booked in yet.

I am so sorry for you and everyone else in this situation.

The driving test thing really annoys me too - such a backlog and now they've just made it bigger. They could and should have had the funeral at a weekend to reduce disruption. I sincerely hope the coronation is at a weekend (but it won't be).

Exactly. It's the end of era and there's no problem with people reflecting on that.

But it's not a tragedy and she had a well lived life. The impact of her death will have lasting effects for some people and that's wrong on every level.

true - it would have been difficult for weddings. But the overall impact would have been much less I think. And the funeral is at 11, so is over by 12 and people could carry on with their day.

The FD will be reorganizing with the crem/vicar etc, but they have to liaise with the OP as the new date/time needs to fit in with them.

Op, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mum. And that you're having to rearrange what is already a distressing event.

Yes, I see no reason to assume this either.

And all appointments at surgery… rescheduled.

utter shit show

queen would be cross

Just an update....we've finally rebooked Mum's funeral, not a day or time we would have chosen, its very late in the day & so quite a few will have to book hotels now & a few people can no longer attend. However it was either that or wait a further fortnight.

Thanks everyone for your support & compassion. It's been very much appreciated

I hope everything goes as well as possible, and you get through Monday ok.

@RubyRhubarb
Glad you have managed to get something arranged.
Sorry you have had to go through this, hope it now all goes without any further issues.

So glad you've managed to get sorted although sorry you've had this much additional stress on top of losing your mum. No doubt you'll do her proud.

Very pleased it is sorted. A shame some people cannot attend however they will absolutely understand the situation

So sad for you and your family,please accept my condolences.It's of no help to you but this disruption isn't what the Queen would have wanted.