Had to cancel & trying to reschedule Mum’s funeral

[RubyRhubarb]

I’ve had to cancel my mums funeral as it was on the 19th. Now completely in limbo about the new date. The funeral directors (who would have done the funeral on the 19th but the crematorium & wake venue are closing) have been very helpful but many slots for both are booked. I’m waiting to see if we can still get the crematoria, wake venue & vicar of choice (my mum was a regular church goer) in a fairly reasonable timescale, if not, then it’s back to the drawing board.

I’m devastated & angry. I’m so sad that my lovely mum has to wait even longer to be laid at rest.

I’d organised everything by early last week. Then I spent the weekend cancelling everything. Now I’ve got to recontact everyone again once we know the new date. It’s emotionally exhausting.

I thought by now this would gave all been done & I would just be able to focus on my mourning.

I know I won’t be the only one in this position. However I’ve worked in emergency planning & operational scenario planning. Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress.

Some kind of acknowledgment of this in one of the many speeches would have been nice. That would make it feel so much better.

But I guess the little people don’t matter enough to given even that small consideration & yes, I am bitter about this.

I'm generally in favour of having a bank holiday for the Queen's funeral. However, I don't think anyone else's funeral should be postponed, or other essential functions such as urgent medical appointments. I do think it would be appropriate to cancel sporting events, concerts and any other kind of large celebratory event, as a mark of respect. Very sorry for the loss of your Mum

Sorry for your loss. I hope you get something arranged for your mum. It must be very upsetting for you.

I think the problem with having the funeral on a Saturday is that it would clash with many more weddings, sporting fixtures and concerts etc.

HM The Queen's funeral is on the 19th - a Monday. Not a Saturday.
Sporting fixtures have been cancelled/postponed/rescheduled.

Did I miss your point there. I'm actually not sure what your post was supposed to highlight.

Amen to that

I am so sincerely sorry that you are having to rearrange everything, OP. You have absolutely every right to be angry. This has actually upset me more than the queen passing away. Genuinely. Sending you a virtual hug in solidarity.

I don’t think that it would be disrespectful to the queen to hold someone else’s funeral on the same day. In fact, it would be quite fitting to hold your mum’s funeral on a day of mourning. I am surprised that the funeral directors have closed.

I was moaning that I had to close my shop and lose money. I won't now, because this puts it into perspective. So sorry for what you're going through

You have my every sympathy. It’s dreadful. But the funeral director should be doing all the rearranging, they cancelled it.

It wasn't the Funeral Director, it was the crematorium and the wake venue.

Agree with this wholeheartedly!

So sorry you're having to go through this extra pain

Just to note it's not the funeral directors decision the crematorium and all yge key players for a funeral will be not working.

... which would not need to be cancelled if not a public holiday
In the days of catch up tv, anyone who cant watch the funeral will be able to watch it later.

Football matches will be played at the weekend - FA has just sent out a message. I'm honestly flabbergasted that Monday is a BH - at the moment, the last thing anyone or any business needs is worse productivity. I'm self-employed and will be working on Monday, not least to avoid this endless one-sided coverage.
OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and shocked that you are being put through this. As a PP has said, which century are we in?

I'm sorry about your Mum, OP. Cancelling her funeral is inexcusable. If the funeral directors have to pay double-time to get the staff in then they should do that. They should honour the commitment made to you.

I'd be very angry indeed. We're doing direct cremations in our family, FDs should see the direction of travel there, these are becoming very much more commonplace than they were. Treating their paying customers like non-entities is disgraceful.

Are there any alternative FDs that you could use, disregard the first ones completely?

I work in a Funeral Directors, and would also like to clarify that cancellations are completely out of our hands.
Sending you condolences OP. I’m sorry for your loss, and sorry for this additional stress.

So sorry for your loss.
I don't know your circumstances or whether it would be practical or possible but thought I would share my experience. We lost 2 family members in lockdown. They had a very small funeral type service with the permitted numbers and they were then cremated privately without any family/friends attending....we then had an internment of the ashes and a wake shortly after when things had opened up and we were allowed to meet again. It was a bit unconventional, but a different way of doing things, which might work for you if your funeral service was going to be at a church or funeral home? Hope this doesn't upset or offend.

I am really sorry for your loss. I know it feels like a limbo inbetween the death and a funeral.

I hear you, I acknowledge your feelings. It is just very shit timing. But in no way does anything invalidate your extra pain.

I really hope everything turns out as well as it possibly can. I hope your mum is telling you to breath, have a cup of tea, sit down and just take of yourself. Your mum wouldn't want you to get stressed

ffs i don't know how many people have responded to say that the FD are willing to work, it's the crematorium (and wake venue) that isn't.

This. That’s so awful, OP

OK Frazzled, change that to the crematorium workers/other essential workers. The point remains the same. And FFS yourself.

Sending you every sympathy OP, I am so so sorry that you find yourself in this situation - it seems beyond ludicrous to me that the crematorium is closed.
Plenty of people have no choice but to work on Bank Holidays, and in view of the special circumstances and short notice of this one common decency and compassion for those having arranged a funeral on the same day should surely have dictated that they go ahead as arranged.
It’s not even as though those working will miss the opportunity to see the Queens funeral - if will be repeated as infinitum on TV.

Are those putting on the wake ‘essential workers’, though? We are presumably talking hospitality / catering staff.

The crematorium, absolutely- though if their contract states that they get Bank Holidays off, it would be hard to run.

Complete sympathy fir OP’s situation - terribly bad luck that makes an already difficult and emotionally draining life event so much harder to bear.

OP I am so sorry. I got a bit teary reading your OP. This seems very unjust.

just seen the government 'guidance' there is no legal obligation at all to give workers the day off
I think a public holiday at a week's notice is inappropriate. Should have just been at the weekend instead.