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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Had to cancel & trying to reschedule Mum’s funeral

150 replies

RubyRhubarb · 12/09/2022 12:59

I’ve had to cancel my mums funeral as it was on the 19th. Now completely in limbo about the new date. The funeral directors (who would have done the funeral on the 19th but the crematorium & wake venue are closing) have been very helpful but many slots for both are booked. I’m waiting to see if we can still get the crematoria, wake venue & vicar of choice (my mum was a regular church goer) in a fairly reasonable timescale, if not, then it’s back to the drawing board.

I’m devastated & angry. I’m so sad that my lovely mum has to wait even longer to be laid at rest.

I’d organised everything by early last week. Then I spent the weekend cancelling everything. Now I’ve got to recontact everyone again once we know the new date. It’s emotionally exhausting.

I thought by now this would gave all been done & I would just be able to focus on my mourning.

I know I won’t be the only one in this position. However I’ve worked in emergency planning & operational scenario planning. Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress.

Some kind of acknowledgment of this in one of the many speeches would have been nice. That would make it feel so much better.

But I guess the little people don’t matter enough to given even that small consideration & yes, I am bitter about this.

OP posts:
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 12/09/2022 14:33

freckles20 · 12/09/2022 14:19

As an aside I'm really disappointed that mainstream media isn't reporting. A balanced view wrt peoples thought and feelings about all this.

I accept they they must be respectful but ignoring the opinions of a large swathe of people, and the enormous difficulties that this is causing in some places means they are giving only one side of a story.

Yes, it isn't just disappointing but also quite worrying.

ChimbarasiKotapaxi · 12/09/2022 14:34

I am so sorry for your loss OP I can only imagine what it must be like to arrange everything twice I send my thoughts

Meirou90 · 12/09/2022 14:35

This is just one of many reasons why the Royals have no place in the modern world. Remind me what century we’re living in? It’s embarrassing. I’m so sorry for your loss.

anchorbuttercakes · 12/09/2022 14:35

I’m so very sorry, it’s fairly disgusting behaviour from the crematorium and venue.

freckles20 · 12/09/2022 14:42

I had assumed that it would be very unusual for The Queen's funeral to take place on a weekend day. Google suggests otherwise and apparently you can have a funeral on any day of the week if the venue and people involved have availability and are happy to go ahead. So it wouldn't even have been a big deal to have held it on the Sunday!

PortalooSunset · 12/09/2022 14:43

I'm so sorry. You're right, it really is horribly unfair. Flowers

freckles20 · 12/09/2022 14:44

Meirou90 · 12/09/2022 14:35

This is just one of many reasons why the Royals have no place in the modern world. Remind me what century we’re living in? It’s embarrassing. I’m so sorry for your loss.

I don't disagree, but surely ministers must have been involved with the decision too?

They must be really out of touch with ordinary people too. Although to be fair lots of people seem to be unaware that anyone lives different lives to themselves.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 12/09/2022 14:48

Honestly can't believe you have had to cancel your mums funeral because of the queens.

So nobody else can have their funeral that day?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

SaffyWall · 12/09/2022 14:53

Badger1970 · 12/09/2022 13:22

I'm a small business owner, OP, and had to listen to excited chatter this morning about their extra day off next week........ and I'm sat in the office worrying about how on earth we're going to pay for it.

There was no reason whatsoever for it not to be on the Saturday and whilst sad for the loss of HM The Queen, feel that it's just a step too far on top of the extra day for the Jubilee this year and no doubt the coronation of the King.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the impact of this on you.

I don't mean to derail this thread but as a (fellow) small business owner I'm in a similar position and had a look at the official guidance ...

Our contracts name the standard bank holidays and make no mention of 'extras' - I've chatted with all the staff this morning and said that I would still be working next Monday and if they want to work then to please come in and if they'd like to have a day at home then it should come of their (generous) holiday allowance. I was a bit nervous about how this would be taken but everyone thought it was totally reasonable.

www.gov.uk/government/news/bank-holiday-announced-for-her-majesty-queen-elizabeth-iis-state-funeral-on-monday-19-september

RubyRhubarb - I'm sorry for your loss and that you've been put in such a stressful and difficult position.

User47484739478474 · 12/09/2022 14:54

I'm so sorry op, this is awful. I was actually only wondering earlier about funerals that were already planned to go ahead on the 19th and I'm sad to read this. I don't have any advice but I can't begin to imagine how stressful it is at an already sad time! 💗

whynotwhatknot · 12/09/2022 14:56

i read somewhere in the plans she didnt want a bh for her funeral

could be made up though

FourChimneys · 12/09/2022 14:57

I'm so sorry for you, what a horrible and upsetting thing to happen.

Even a small acknowledgement from the RF about how disruptive it all is would help. But it's all Us Us Us.

An 11 year old I know had their school residential trip cancelled last year due to Covid. They are scheduled to go on Monday, so much excitement. The parents have just been told it is being cut short by one day. Not the same as a funeral at all but so disappointing for the children.

OP I hope you get your mum laid to rest very soon xx

whynotwhatknot · 12/09/2022 14:58

SaffyWall · 12/09/2022 14:53

I don't mean to derail this thread but as a (fellow) small business owner I'm in a similar position and had a look at the official guidance ...

Our contracts name the standard bank holidays and make no mention of 'extras' - I've chatted with all the staff this morning and said that I would still be working next Monday and if they want to work then to please come in and if they'd like to have a day at home then it should come of their (generous) holiday allowance. I was a bit nervous about how this would be taken but everyone thought it was totally reasonable.

www.gov.uk/government/news/bank-holiday-announced-for-her-majesty-queen-elizabeth-iis-state-funeral-on-monday-19-september

RubyRhubarb - I'm sorry for your loss and that you've been put in such a stressful and difficult position.

i think this is fair-not right that people should be worrying how to pay employees for this

Rosesandblossoms · 12/09/2022 15:00

As someone who buried my wonderful Mum a couple of months ago this made me sick to my stomach. This is a hard enough time without having to face this kind of disruption. I’m so very sorry for your loss OP.

TokyoTen · 12/09/2022 15:07

Oh that is shocking. I don't have any advice but it's awful you have to move it all and reorganise. I'm so sorry for you loss it is one of the hardest times and you have yo do that on top of everything else.

LuftBalloons · 12/09/2022 15:15

You have noticed the Queen, ya know…’longest reigning monarch’ and all that…THE queen and head of state has died?

yes we know she had died. It is sad and a big moment of change for the nation. But why not a funeral on Saturday or Sunday? That is still marking her life and her leaving of it, but not affecting others lives and livelihoods.

Most people in Britain earn a tiny fraction of the Windsor’s wealth. Most people can’t afford to lose a days pay for their work.

Musti · 12/09/2022 15:17

It’s disgraceful that you can’t hold your mum’s funeral because an old woman none of you has met has died. Absolutely ridiculous.

Twillow · 12/09/2022 15:21

If it was at the same time as the queens funeral, fair enough, and unfortunate. But cancelling for the whole day is a shame. It must be awful to be in limbo again, I'm sorry, hope they sort this for you quickly.

MenopausalMe · 12/09/2022 15:21

Sincere condolences on your mothers death. And I am so sorry you’ve been put in this position. It is unconscionable that the most significant events in so many peoples lives are being disrupted by this unscheduled bank holiday, especially when they could have held the queens funeral on the Sunday

countrygirl99 · 12/09/2022 15:25

Twillow · 12/09/2022 15:21

If it was at the same time as the queens funeral, fair enough, and unfortunate. But cancelling for the whole day is a shame. It must be awful to be in limbo again, I'm sorry, hope they sort this for you quickly.

Why would it be dair enough to cancel? Why does OPs grief not count? Was her mum not important enough for empathy to be shown?

SuperCamp · 12/09/2022 15:27

I am so sorry.

It isn’t fair that services involved in laying your Mum, and others, to rest should be cancelled.

Sorry for the loss of your Mum and that it has been so much more difficult.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/09/2022 15:28

I would feel the same about this. That's awful

workinmums · 12/09/2022 15:28

I'm so sorry OP.
This is disgusting to say the least.
I really hope you get some clarity soon.

LookItsMeAgain · 12/09/2022 15:30

I'm so sorry for your loss @RubyRhubarb and for all of the rejigging that you're having to do for your late mum.

I am pleased that the funeral directors are being helpful here. I really think the other parties involved should honour your bookings and fit you in first and push someone else to another date, particularly if they have only recently made their funeral arrangements and you have yours in before theirs.

I wish you every strength to get through this and I do hope that the walk with your dogs has given you a clear head and a calmness to get through the days ahead. 💔💐

Doingprettywellthanks · 12/09/2022 15:30

Fupoffyagrasshole · 12/09/2022 13:28

absolute joke

Your mums death is just as important as the queens! honestly

To the op…. It’s a heck of a lot more important