Had to cancel & trying to reschedule Mum’s funeral

[RubyRhubarb]

I’ve had to cancel my mums funeral as it was on the 19th. Now completely in limbo about the new date. The funeral directors (who would have done the funeral on the 19th but the crematorium & wake venue are closing) have been very helpful but many slots for both are booked. I’m waiting to see if we can still get the crematoria, wake venue & vicar of choice (my mum was a regular church goer) in a fairly reasonable timescale, if not, then it’s back to the drawing board.

I’m devastated & angry. I’m so sad that my lovely mum has to wait even longer to be laid at rest.

I’d organised everything by early last week. Then I spent the weekend cancelling everything. Now I’ve got to recontact everyone again once we know the new date. It’s emotionally exhausting.

I thought by now this would gave all been done & I would just be able to focus on my mourning.

I know I won’t be the only one in this position. However I’ve worked in emergency planning & operational scenario planning. Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress.

Some kind of acknowledgment of this in one of the many speeches would have been nice. That would make it feel so much better.

But I guess the little people don’t matter enough to given even that small consideration & yes, I am bitter about this.

I'm going to a funeral (cremation) on the 19th and it is still going ahead.

So sorry that your crematorium and venue are closing. It's a very upsetting time already and you don't need the extra stress.

I'm so sorry OP.

I am so angry about all of the people who have found themselves in similar situations through no fault of their own. I appreciate employers have their hands tied with schools, childcare etc closed. But I am disgusted that the government have allowed this to go ahead at such short notice.

This is just so wrong. I am so sad to hear this has happened to you.

I am so sorry to read this, this must have greatly added to your distress. I can remember how draining and tiring it was organising my mother's funeral and the way you put your grieving on hold to deal with all the practicalities. To have to postpone it leaves you in limbo, my heart goes out to you

“But I am disgusted that the government have allowed this to go ahead at such short notice.”

You have noticed the Queen, ya know…’longest reigning monarch’ and all that…THE queen and head of state has died?

‘Short notice’? ‘Disgusted’? Are you ok?

I am so sorry.

I'm having to tell clients of my firm that they can't move on the 19th into their new houses. The ripples will be huge financially for them (time off organised well in advance, money ordered from lenders and called in, removals, hiring vans etc).

As soon as I heard HRM was poorly I knew it meant she'd likely already died and we'd be in this position. I had another solicitor laugh at me when I said no to completion of our chain on the 19th..."you can't just say that, everyone has agreed" he said. Bet he's glad now.

I know this is small potatoes compared to you, but also an unintended consequence. I am sure I've heard some funeral homes/crems are going ahead though, not yours?

So sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP and all these extra layers of batshittery on top. I hope you manage to rearrange something soon.

Ugh this is appalling. The Queen would not have wanted any of this. I can't understand why her funeral couldn't have been at the weekend.

The powers that be should have made some updates to the way things were done last time a monarch died to reflect how vastly different life is now.

Really? Given preparations and plans for the full shebang have been sorted for decades, she presumably knew it would be a public holiday. If she had cared about the impact on the public, I'm sure she could have stipulated that it should not be a public holiday and her wishes would have been followed.

But I am disgusted that the government have allowed this to go ahead at such short notice.

How could the Government have been given more notice of the Queen's death? the gap between her death and funeral has been planned for many years - in fact it is stretched by a day compared with the 10 day plan - so if that had always been felt to be too short, the plans (which have been available for public scrutiny for decades) should have been re-written.

OP, my heart goes out to you. Coping with your own personal grief at a time when the country seems to be so focused on the grief of a family almost nobody knows personally must be so very difficult. and each practical obstacle becomes yet another unsurmountable hurdle to get over. I hope that everything is sorted soon.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the additional distress that the bank holiday has caused. I wonder if they couldn't have made an exception for funeral directors to work on the day or perhaps that would be considered unfair for them.

Crematoriums don't have to close so I can see why you're annoyed and upset, but also why it hasn't been addressed in any speeches.
I'm so sorry that you lost your DM and that you are having this additional stress. It's such a difficult time

So sorry for your loss OP, and for all the stress this is giving you when it's the last thing you need.

I think the royal funeral should have been held on a weekend, too.

I'm really sorry to hear this and quite surprised. It seems really insensitive and not what the Queen would have wanted. Lean on the funeral director and friends and family as much as you are able with the practicalities what a nightmare.

flowers

^^ Sorry, strikeout fail.

I'm really sorry to hear this and quite surprised. It seems really insensitive and not what the Queen would have wanted. Lean on the funeral director and friends and family as much as you are able with the practicalities what a nightmare.

As an aside I'm really disappointed that mainstream media isn't reporting. A balanced view wrt peoples thought and feelings about all this.

I accept they they must be respectful but ignoring the opinions of a large swathe of people, and the enormous difficulties that this is causing in some places means they are giving only one side of a story.

You’ve been incredibly unlucky. That’s what this is …..really bad luck for those with big deal events scheduled for this day. I’m really sorry you’ve been caught up in it and hope that you can quickly make some alternative arrangements and have peace of mind.

The only way for this not have caused upheaval for some people would have been if there wasn’t a Bank Holiday or National Day of Mourning. Some people think there shouldn’t have been, but most do think it should happen…but will be really sorry for those who’ve been impacted like OP. As OP knows, no-one can plan for when someone might sadly pass away, so any funeral is organised with relatively short notice. It’s just incredibly unfortunate for OP that she has been caught up in this.

Sorry, but I’m not really sure how a public apology for this would work. People generally don’t apologise when organising any funeral which might create some difficulties for people. It’s just one of those things. And unfortunately for OP, the biggest funeral of the last 70 years happens to coincide with her own dear Mother’s own funeral. I can see it must be really upsetting to feel your own private grief has to be delayed for that of a public person that you never knew. But really what is the alternative? I’m sure the undertakers expressed great sympathy and apologised for the need to postpone. I can’t see that the Monarchy is going to apologise for their own loss, but I think they will repeatedly voice after the event how touched they will have been for public support and sympathy.

Really sorry OP. Sorry your family have been caught up and affected by this event. Hope an alternative date becomes clear quickly and you can have leave of mind,

Therefore I know that the powers in charge will have considered all the impacts of the unscheduled bank holiday & knew that funerals would be cancelled along with other important life events for people & that this would cause distress

TBH, I don’t think the powers-that-be have considered ordinary people.

There will be people struggling with money who will lose a day’s pay, and so on. You are grieving and trying to manage and you must feel pretty ignored and unimportant. I’m really sorry for your loss and this additional blow.

I feel rage and sadness for you, your exhaustion comes across in your post. I’m sorry you have to go through this, your mum is important and deserves her send off x

It is disgusting that crematoria are closing. Services are 30 mins so they probably have 14 services that they now need to reschedule and they are usually fully booked approximately 2 weeks ahead, sometimes longer. So when are the cancelled services to take place? A thoughtless nightmare for so many grieving families.

I'm so sorry for your loss

I've spent my morning rearranging stuff as we were due to complete on a house sale on Monday and that has frustrated me enough.
DH is a dept head consultant at a hospital and had an inbox of emails by breakfast time asking him what was going to happen and he said he honestly didn't know.
I can't even imagine how upsetting it is to have to arrange for something truly important. I hope you get it sorted out soon and I'm glad you have good funeral directors helping you.

I can totally understand your anger and grief, I am sorry for you loss and hope you can resolve this soon.
Flowers
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I’m very sorry for your loss and that you find yourself in this situation
am pleased the directors are being helpful. Hopefully they will have a solution soon.

I totally disagree with everything being cancelled. I don’t see any reason for a public holiday tbh in which case it should simply have been scheduled for the weekend.

It should never have been planned for a Monday, a Saturday makes much more sense. Before we get annoyed with individual companies/institutions though, bear in mind that if nurseries and schools close, this causes massive staffing problems because of childcare issues. It's not necessarily just to allow people a day off, it's simply not feasible to open with reduced staffing in some places.

Lots of NHS elective activity will be affected, the economy suffers because of decreased productivity. It's pretty outrageous when there was a reasonable alternative.

The Church of England’s official guidelines, just published, say:
‘Weddings, funerals and baptisms may continue as planned through the national period of mourning. Clergy should check with those planning these events whether they wish them to take place during this time. Particular sensitivity should be taken when reviewing those which are planned to take place on the day of the funeral.’
www.churchofengland.org/sites/default/files/2022-09/Guidance%20for%20parish%20churches%20on%20the%20death%20of%20HM%20the%20Queen%20-%208th%20September%202022.pdf
in case that helps anyone.