To boycott MIL’s Sunday Dinners

[Cantbebotheredanymore]

It’s a story as old as time, DIL and MIL don’t get along. But I’m tired, and so so over this shit.

Ive been with DH for 10 years. MIL was super hostile in the beginning (you’re taking my eldest son away waaaaah) and we had a semi frosty relationship for a few years but the past 5 years we’ve had a decent relationship. Not going for coffees and spa days etc, but can speak cordially when left alone together and have a mutual love of certain hobbies.

Then I got pregnant :)

Tbf, she was brilliant during my pregnancy which had some challenges. Very respectful and caring.

Then I gave birth… and the insecure, passive-aggressive witch arrived.

Since giving birth last year, MIL has been insufferable. She’s had FOUR kids, lest I forget, and she oversteps in every possible area of DC life.

There is far too much to list but tldr, every Sunday her adult children and grandchild are summoned for Sunday dinner.

She isn’t like this everytime, but maybe once a month she’ll be “on one”. Making sly digs at me, suggesting my child isn’t clean/fed/happy. Eg…

“oooooh you LOVE nanny’s food, not that food mummy gives you”

“ what?!? You don’t give DC a bath EVERY night?! Ive raised FOUR kids and in my day….”

“oooow you want nanny don’t you /grabs child from my arms/ come to nannnnnnyyy”

And so on. Obviously I have raised this with DH and to his credit he does acknowledge some of her neurotic behaviour (but chalks it up to love/enthusiasm) “she doesn’t mean any harm” we’ve argued about it at times, and he’s pulled her up on some of the less subtle things.

But for the most part, it’s very underhand. I don’t believe she is vindictive in nature but she is deeply insecure and wants to use my child to validate her worth and experience, and put me down to make herself feel like mum of the year.

Shes been through a lot but quite frankly I don’t give a fuck about her feelings anymore. I’m sick of coming home on a Sunday feeling angry and not able to vent. Today was really awful, she made about 5/6 jibes at me, and while most of them I shrug off because they’re actually ridiculous, the ones suggesting DC isn’t being looked after properly are starting to irk me. I do snap back occasionally but I don’t like her getting the satisfaction of knowing I’m bothered.

So, I want to stop going all together. AIBU?

(And if not, should I tell DH the real reason or just make an excuse as to why I can no longer go? He is in a difficult situation, and I don’t want him stressed about us not getting on. But DH can take DC on his own.

I’d much rather sign up for a pottery class on a Sunday and “sadly not be able to go anymore”, rather than say your mum’s acting like a passive-aggressive pos and she can shove her roast up her...)

[DahliaDreamer]

Good god yes bow out. Life is way too short for that kind of crap.

[LookItsMeAgain]

@maddy68

I think that's normal granny behaviour.

I think you are reading way more into this and you are definitely the unresonable

She's just being a bit irritating to you because you dont like her

Even if it fell into the category of "normal granny behaviour" why does the OP have to put up with it?
Time to stop making it normal behaviour and start calling out what is essentially the mother in law verbally bashing the mother.
I mean who (apart from the mother and child in question) does it affect if a mother's breast milk dries up? Certainly not the MiL. As for how she knew about it, I'd be laying the blame for that one squarely at the DH because that is who the OP told (and I'd imagine in confidence), not expecting it to be repeated back to her over Sunday dinner. Way to make the mother feel good about herself.

[ColeensBoot]

OP stand your ground.
Speak to her adult to adult if she insults you. And your DH has to defend you. It's just plain mean otherwise.

And every Sunday. You cannot be serious. Once a month at the most would still be a lot of time there.

Why should you spend time with someone who so clearly thinks your mothering is shit? Why?

Why should your child have to hear their mother criticized and belittled?

This is shit. Your DH needs to have a strong word with his mother. No more sniping. Once a month Sunday lunch. End of.

[TenoringBehind]

Get it down to once a month at hers. Perhaps invite her for lunch at yours once a month too (which she may well decline).

With people like this it’s important to look cheery and manage expectations. As you’re leaving next time just say, ‘sorry we won’t see you next Sunday. We’re visiting friends/ going to [insert attraction she would hate]. Perhaps catch up the week after?’. Then go before there’s any discussion.

dont send dh and the children and stay home because then she has definitely won!

[MishaBukvic]

You have my sympathy, OP, my ex-MIL was the same.
Don't continue to go every week, make it once a month.

I used to come home from the MIL's upset, angry and just a felt like a whole cloud of negativity hanging over me. One day, I just realised that I could shake off their negativity and do my own thing, and I stopped going around.

[wellhelloitsme]

@maddy68

I think that's normal granny behaviour.

I think you are reading way more into this and you are definitely the unresonable

She's just being a bit irritating to you because you dont like her

"Uhhhh poor baby you’re having to have formula now because mummy’s supply dried up…”

This isn't 'normal granny behaviour', it's genuinely nasty and designed to make OP feel like shit.

[CloudSunLeavesCoud]

well done OP. Stand your ground. I have a MIL like this and I have to try not to see her too frequently or the comments start. My kids see her a little more frequently than me and my DH too (childcare, pick ups and drop offs). We’ve found an arrangement where everyone is happy and I’m not having to listen to someone bitching about me constantly. We still do special occasions together and everyone enjoys those. It took my DH a lot longer to see the unhealthy dynamics in his family but he does see it now and is fine with me stepping back on that basis.

[LimpBiskit]

@maddy68

I think that's normal granny behaviour.

I think you are reading way more into this and you are definitely the unresonable

She's just being a bit irritating to you because you dont like her

Then you've got a distorted view of "granny behaviour".