Ex wants to take DD away over my 50th birthday.

[jumpingbean1810]

It's my 50th next Feb half term. I planned to celebrate in uk with friends and family and then go away with DD (14) for remainder of week. I'm a single parent and she's my only child. Ex (married with 2 more children) wants to take them all skiing for the week. I've said I'm happy to cancel going away (nothing booked yet) but DD has said she really wants to be home on my actual bday (monday). I've suggested they therefore go for 5 days instead of 7 days so she can do both and isn't torn between my bday and skiing. He says he doesn't want to lose 2 days of skiing.

I don't want DD to feel torn so if he digs heels in should I encourage her to go skiing and accept she won't be there for 50th, or should I say, you go on your holiday and we'll go on ours and she can ski with you another time? (Which will cause explosion).

Your ex is a cunt for putting you and her in this position.

For wanting to take his child on a skiing holiday during the half term when most skiing holidays happen? Bit strong.

If you want boih or dd must do both then You take her to the ski trip drop her off
And take yourself to s nice hotel spa in the mountains

If it s hslf term and his fsmily (dd s extended family) usyally ski then, then book your b day later or before

I would encourage her to go. You can celebrate before or after her trip.

I'm guessing you've never been skiing in Europe at half term ?

Sounds like an amazing opportunity for her. She probably feels bad she’ll be away so that’s why she said she wants to be with you. Make her feel excited about the holiday and say you’ll do something fun when she gets back. You can have a great time with your friends (a 50th is probably boring for her age anyway).

Tell her to go skiing and you’ll celebrate when she gets back.

I stand by my assessment. Either OP is going to spend her 50th birthday feeling shit because her daughter can’t be there because she can’t compete with a skiing holiday, or she’ll feel guilty because her daughter turned down a skiing holiday to be with her for her 50th. And daughter will potentially feel shit about the situation either way too. Cunty move by ex.

But if you're tied into school holidays, February half term is the logical week to go, particularly if the rest of the party can't do Christmas or Easter ( which generally aren't as snow sure).

I doubt the ex was thinking of hurting the OP. He just wanted to take his daughter skiing. The only time most people with kids can do this is the holidays. OP could say no not this year maybe the year after but by then who knows what happens and the opportunity may not be there. Birthdays do not have to be BIG deals.

So OP has to do what her ex husband wants. Despite it being her big birthday.

Either OP is going to spend her 50th birthday feeling shit because her daughter can’t be there because she can’t compete with a skiing holiday and if this is the case she needs to look at the bigger picture and try thinking of it as an experience her daughter can have that she otherwise wouldn't.

No but she needs to think about what is in her daughters best interest. Not hers.

Send her skiing

Exactly, it isn’t about either adult here.

Does your daughter like skiing does she want to go?

So by that logic, DD will never go away at half term for a holiday because it's her mum's birthday?

While birthdays are not a very important thing for me, I understand that they are for some people, however there might be many reasons why an adult might move their birthday celebration from the actual day e.g. can't get time off work, want to go out and have a big bash and drink, so don't want to do it on a weekday night, so in the OP's situation, I don't understand why you can't shift the celebration by a couple of days.

It seems alot of people think I've told my daughter and ex I want her to stay with me for my birthday. To clarify, I postponed our trip abroad so she could go skiing and I told her we could celebrate separately but she told me she wants to celebrate my bday (having party with family and friends) and then go skiing. So I've been trying to accommodate both so she doesn't have to choose which it seems wasmy mistake. I wouldn't dream of depriving her of a holiday, and it was only when I told her dad we were planning on going away for my bday he mentioned he was planning on skiing and been trying to work out solution since.

This. She's 14, she should be able to get on a plane by herself.

Is there any possibility you could go to the same skiing resort or close by so your daughter gets to do both things and as you and your ex seem able to work things out

That's ridiculous

I don't think some posters understand how ski holidays
work.Generally there is only one direct flight per week to the location unless it's somewhere like Geneva . As ski resorts are high up it usually involves a windy narrow road and longish transfer which is why it's best left to the coach driving professionals.

It's really not as simple as driving mid week to Tenerife airport.

Unless they are going to one of the resorts near Geneva, there's no compromise to be had.

In fairness to the ex, if he took his new kids away skiing and didn’t bring the 14 year old he’d be the baddie too! I’d say wave her off. Do something nice and adult for your birthday and celebrate with her separately. And and happy birthday!

That would be bizarre.