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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not remove this picture

168 replies

Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:17

Been away for a night this weekend with my husband, our two DC and my DSC. Just got back about an hour ago and posted a picture on FB of all the kids together just saying lovely break with the family.

My husband rarely used FB although he has it (his profile pic is blank and there's nothing on his page, don't think he's been on it for years) but I tagged him in the photo.

His ex, mother of DSC, messaged me and asked me to remove the photo stating they aren't my DC and she doesn't like the thought of their pictures being posted by me (she posts their pictures all the time so nothing about not wanting their photos posted ever).

DH isn't bothered by it so I'm minded to just ignore it. In my mind, he's as much their parent and he doesn't mind.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 11/09/2022 15:19

If your DP is happy with it and their photos are already on Facebook elsewhere I think it’s fine. It also sounds like this could have been one of those can’t win scenarios. If you’d posted a family style photo without them in you’d probably have been questioned by somebody else as to why you weren’t including DSC!

SoupDragon · 11/09/2022 15:20

Is this a "fight" you want to have?

yonce · 11/09/2022 15:21

Oooo tough one, do you want a good relationship with their mum? Personally I'd probably take the photo down if it was making her uncomfortable, and there's little to no benefit in you keeping it up?

RudsyFarmer · 11/09/2022 15:21

If I were feeling like a total bitch I’d stick an emoji sticker over her kids faces and leave it up. But I wouldn’t advise that.

CactusBlossom · 11/09/2022 15:21

How old are the children? You might want to protect their privacy rather than have a public post (there are some nasty people out there, I'm afraid, who could use such photos inappropriately).

You could change the permissions on FB so that she can't see it. (e.g. 'friends except MoDSC').

justusandmoo · 11/09/2022 15:21

It's not just up to her. He is their dad and if he says it's ok then leave it up. If she never put pictures on social media then it would be different. It would be a shame to put up a family pic and NOT include the step children. Seems like a bit of jealousy on her part tbh. Understandable I guess but don't bow to this or you'll be doing it forever xx

Johnnysgirl · 11/09/2022 15:21

Just remove it. Why is it so important to you that you'd antagonise their mother like this?

MissingNashville · 11/09/2022 15:22

As she posts them on social media, she’s just looking for drama. Don’t give it to her, take the photo down, she’ll be disappointed. You still have the photo, put it in a frame instead.

newbiename · 11/09/2022 15:24

How has she seen it are you or your husband friends with her on FB ?

jesusjoan · 11/09/2022 15:24

Yes she's probably looking for drama but she's their mother, take the photo down.

Original poster
Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:24

She's been like this with a few things before.

I took them out for a treat without DH once and it's 'they aren't barnacles DC, wah wah wah'. I'm minded to ignore it because it's about her insecurity not the kids. To me, it's better that I have a good relationship with them and they are included then concerning myself all the time with their mum feeling threatened about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:25

newbiename · 11/09/2022 15:24

How has she seen it are you or your husband friends with her on FB ?

She must be on DHs FB.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 11/09/2022 15:25

jesusjoan · 11/09/2022 15:24

Yes she's probably looking for drama but she's their mother, take the photo down.

This. Why would you go against her? She is their mother.

Original poster
Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:25

Oh except when she would like something and DH isn't available. Then it's acceptable for me to look after them!

OP posts:
Original poster
Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:26

coodawoodashooda · 11/09/2022 15:25

This. Why would you go against her? She is their mother.

Show quote history

He is their father.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 11/09/2022 15:26

Block her so she can’t see your content

RichardOsman · 11/09/2022 15:27

yabu and antagonistic on purpose. Grow up

Original poster
Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:27

Dotcheck · 11/09/2022 15:26

Block her so she can’t see your content

Yeah will from now on. I hadn't realised she was on DHs FB.

OP posts:
MissingNashville · 11/09/2022 15:27

Wel it sounds like you want the fight. 🙄 Crack on.

jesusjoan · 11/09/2022 15:28

So you're acknowledging she's insecure yet you're willing to feed and antagonise that insecurity. Says more about you than her tbqh.

Cocococococo · 11/09/2022 15:29

RichardOsman · 11/09/2022 15:27

yabu and antagonistic on purpose. Grow up

Surely the woman who's risking her kids being able to have a good, inclusive relationship with their step mother and half siblings should be the one growing up?

MugginsOverEre · 11/09/2022 15:29

Remove it and simply repost from your husband's profile, tagging you.

If the mother was concerned about internet safety and didn't want her child's photo on social media then that's absolutely understandable and I would remove it in a heartbeat with an apology. However, you've said that she regularly posts her child's pic online so it's not a safety concern, it's pure pettiness and petty shit like that needs ignored.

I imagine if you excluded DSC from the 'family' photo then she would have had something to say about that too.

DSC's dad has as much right to post his child's photo if his child's other parent does too.

Thatboymum · 11/09/2022 15:30

She obviously thinks your doing it to be antagonistic and rub her nose in it which I hope isn’t the case but any way it’s a her problem, she’s obviously bitterly jealous and insecure and maybe it makes her feel inferior, I love to see my ds in family pics that step mum either sends me or posts online with his dad/step mum and siblings it’s great that he’s an equal part of the family and it’s not all just pics of their own kids together. Makes my heart feel full that he has two powerful women in his life rooting for him

Cocococococo · 11/09/2022 15:30

jesusjoan · 11/09/2022 15:28

So you're acknowledging she's insecure yet you're willing to feed and antagonise that insecurity. Says more about you than her tbqh.

Or alternatively she should get over her insecurity and be glad her children have a step mother who wants to include them? Many don't.

KiraKiraHikaru · 11/09/2022 15:30

I don’t understand why you want to make a fight out of it. She’s their mum just remove the picture.