Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not remove this picture

168 replies

Barnacle1 · 11/09/2022 15:17

Been away for a night this weekend with my husband, our two DC and my DSC. Just got back about an hour ago and posted a picture on FB of all the kids together just saying lovely break with the family.

My husband rarely used FB although he has it (his profile pic is blank and there's nothing on his page, don't think he's been on it for years) but I tagged him in the photo.

His ex, mother of DSC, messaged me and asked me to remove the photo stating they aren't my DC and she doesn't like the thought of their pictures being posted by me (she posts their pictures all the time so nothing about not wanting their photos posted ever).

DH isn't bothered by it so I'm minded to just ignore it. In my mind, he's as much their parent and he doesn't mind.

OP posts:
feellikeanalien · 11/09/2022 17:59

Was it the photos or what you had written that upset her? I'm not saying it's reasonable but what is your relationship with her like generally?

Does she feel bitter about the breakup? Maybe the fact that you posted about a day out with family including her children pissed her off.

As I said, I'm not saying that's a reasonable excuse but trying to see it from her point of view and why she would react like that.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 11/09/2022 18:05

roarfeckingroarr · 11/09/2022 17:50

@GhostFromTheOtherSide see I would always delete. It's about being considerate and I think of both parents aren't happy involving their children on SM, it shouldn't be there. Would be so much easier if the OP just didn't put kids that aren't hers online.

Would be so much easier if the ex could just grow the fuck up.

Nocutenamesleft · 11/09/2022 18:12

Oh no. I think you’re wrong!

I don’t allow photos of my children on social media at all and it has caused fights with friends. My children are however my children but they’re not old enough to give consent…..are you step children?

I totally understand where she’s coming from though and like I said I don’t allow it. But then I also don’t post photos. You won’t find a single picture of my children anywhere online now but it took a while for people to be careful with it.

Cosmos123 · 11/09/2022 18:14

Remove photos

Pick your fights.

FunsizedandFabulous · 11/09/2022 18:16

My SiL hated me posting pics of her two so I didn't. My DD also hates me posting pics of her without her pre-approval. I might blur their faces if they are visible (despite chopping them out) because I respect my SiL's and DD's wishes.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 11/09/2022 18:22

@Barnacle1 On the mother's side. Never mind if your partner is their father, SHE is the mother, and unless both parents agree the pics can stay (with you pretty much describing her children as yours,) then REMOVE them. The petty and spiteful remarks (from some on here) about the mother of these children are out of order frankly.

timeonhands · 11/09/2022 18:34

KiraKiraHikaru · 11/09/2022 15:30

I don’t understand why you want to make a fight out of it. She’s their mum just remove the picture.

This

MrsTxx · 11/09/2022 18:42

Just delete it not a big deal, if your husband wants to post it on his Facebook he can then he can have the argument with their mother if that's what she wants.
But right now im agreeing with her, she doesn't know what your privacy settings are or who your friends are.
At the end of the day it's a nice family picture that can be kept on your phone or even developed and framed.
Facebook isn't the most important place and let's be honest does anyone really care about the picture besides you and immediate family?

Put yourself in her shoes she could be being arsey or maybe just thinking of privacy

Testina · 11/09/2022 18:55

“I took them out for a treat without DH once and it's 'they aren't barnacles DC, wah wah wah'”

You don’t sound very nice.

Not all women feel the same, but can you not imagine at all how some feel about another woman moving into a “mother” position with their child? Even if they’re doing no more than an aunt might, for example. I am so happy that my daughter’s SM is nice, and is lovely to her. But she’s my child, and I never set out to conceive her with the plan that another woman would be part of her family. It’s not the photo itself - it’s you claiming them as family. Every time I have those feelings, I remind myself that it’s good that my teen has two women who care about her. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have the feelings! I’m not jealous of their relationship, or insecure - she loves me more, of course. I’m more sad about the time - it isn’t right to me, that I had a baby within a marriage and didn’t plan for my time with her to turn part time.

Your tone throughout here, shows that you have little sensitivity.

Cocococococo · 11/09/2022 19:02

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 11/09/2022 18:22

@Barnacle1 On the mother's side. Never mind if your partner is their father, SHE is the mother, and unless both parents agree the pics can stay (with you pretty much describing her children as yours,) then REMOVE them. The petty and spiteful remarks (from some on here) about the mother of these children are out of order frankly.

with you pretty much describing her children as yours

In what way did the OP say anything like this? She described them as her family, which they are whether the precious mother likes it or not. She should be thankful her children have a step mother than considers them as such when plenty others don't.

You're telling me you'd agree with OP if she'd come here and started a thread saying 'I don't consider my step children family'?

Threads like this just prove you can't do right from doing wrong being a step parent. Poster's don't have a clue what they actually want from step parents. They want their children treated like family but also not at the same time.

And all this 'Shes the MOTHER of these children' is laughable. She's their mother yes. It doesn't make her some holy being who's ever whim must be honoured like she's some devine being.

The petty and spiteful remarks (from some on here) about the mother of these children are out of order frankly.

Mothers can be dicks. Simply being a mother doesn't stop her from being petty and silly.

pickledpotato · 11/09/2022 19:04

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 11/09/2022 18:22

@Barnacle1 On the mother's side. Never mind if your partner is their father, SHE is the mother, and unless both parents agree the pics can stay (with you pretty much describing her children as yours,) then REMOVE them. The petty and spiteful remarks (from some on here) about the mother of these children are out of order frankly.

Holy projection Batman

DarkDarkNight · 11/09/2022 19:08

She’s the kind who gives women a bad name, I hate this kind of possessiveness. They are your husband’s children too and you are perfectly entitled to post pictures of them. If she never put the kids on SM she would have a valid point, but as she does post pictures of them she is just being hypocritical.

decayingmatter · 11/09/2022 19:18

Testina · 11/09/2022 18:55

“I took them out for a treat without DH once and it's 'they aren't barnacles DC, wah wah wah'”

You don’t sound very nice.

Not all women feel the same, but can you not imagine at all how some feel about another woman moving into a “mother” position with their child? Even if they’re doing no more than an aunt might, for example. I am so happy that my daughter’s SM is nice, and is lovely to her. But she’s my child, and I never set out to conceive her with the plan that another woman would be part of her family. It’s not the photo itself - it’s you claiming them as family. Every time I have those feelings, I remind myself that it’s good that my teen has two women who care about her. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have the feelings! I’m not jealous of their relationship, or insecure - she loves me more, of course. I’m more sad about the time - it isn’t right to me, that I had a baby within a marriage and didn’t plan for my time with her to turn part time.

Your tone throughout here, shows that you have little sensitivity.

Only on Mumsnet could 'I took my DSC out for a treat' earn the response 'you don't sound very nice'.

Nuts!!!

girlmom21 · 11/09/2022 19:21

Only on Mumsnet could 'I took my DSC out for a treat' earn the response 'you don't sound very nice'.

Only on Mumsnet can someone be so massively misquoted or misinterpreted.

Notaboutthebass · 11/09/2022 19:22

She's probably jealous of you. But it's her right to say who puts photos of her kids up, think I'd feel the same tbh!

pickledpotato · 11/09/2022 19:24

Notaboutthebass · 11/09/2022 19:22

She's probably jealous of you. But it's her right to say who puts photos of her kids up, think I'd feel the same tbh!

It's not her right at all

If they're in a public place it's not even the fathers right either

Checkmateready · 11/09/2022 19:25

Sounds a bit antagonising to upload a photo and tag in their dad who doesn’t use fb. If he doesn’t use it or have even a profile pic what was the benefit in uploading it and tagging him?

Twawmyarse · 11/09/2022 19:28

I took them out for a treat without DH once and it's 'they aren't barnacles DC, wah wah wah'”

I believe this was the comment Testina was referring to as coming across as not very nice.

That and the fact the OP seems very dismissive of the mother's request that photos of her dc's be taken down from Facebook which is, in my and many others opinion, a perfectly reasonable and in fact, understandable request.

Whether if that's bc she is uncomfortable with her dc's being on social media or just bc she finds it hurtful doesn't really matter - she's asked and it's no biggie to take it down. If that is, you have any modicum of decency and understanding.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/09/2022 19:34

Both of you bloke her on fb, tonight. And no pressure favours for her. She’s a cheeky cow trying to have it both ways.

Also PMSL at the idea that separated parents will or should always on stuff like this. You can imagine the post from a woman whose ex wants to ban her from posting pix of their kids on social media….

Cocococococo · 11/09/2022 19:43

Notaboutthebass · 11/09/2022 19:22

She's probably jealous of you. But it's her right to say who puts photos of her kids up, think I'd feel the same tbh!

It's no more her right than the children's father's right.

BelieveInPeople · 11/09/2022 19:47

I’d take it down - fair enough if their dad had posted it and tagged you, or if their dad felt strongly that it should stay up - but that’s not the case here, he doesn’t care and she does.

Some parents find it difficult to get their heads around their children having another parent figure in their life, obviously they need to suck it up because the kids are the only thing that really matters, but you can still be sympathetic as people adjust to this new way of life for their kids. This photo is causing angst, do you really need the photo to stay up? What are you gaining?

To be honest, it does seem a bit provocative of you to have tagged your partner in it, given that he doesn’t use social media (so what’s the point of tagging him) and knowing that it would lead to their mum being able to see it.

Cocococococo · 11/09/2022 19:50

as people adjust to this new way of life for their kid

They've been together long enough to be married and share children. How long are you expected to give someone time to adjust?

MillyWithaY · 11/09/2022 19:59

Does their dad get to veto photo's his ex puts on her fb? If not then she has no right to veto any that you/he put out there.

dottypencilcase · 11/09/2022 21:00

Just remove the bloody photo- her children, her rules. If he doesn't have an opinion on the matter, take it from someone who does- their mum! There's genuinely no need to plaster 'happy' events on FB. Post about your own bits and be done with it. Don't bring other peoples children into.

I say this as someone who doesn't plaster photos of my children online.

parrotonthesofa · 11/09/2022 21:03

I suppose she ibu if she posts them etc but in this case I'd just remove the picture, it's not worth having an argument over.