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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not explain death of Queen to 4 year old?

230 replies

Schooldaysagain · 11/09/2022 08:51

I've managed to avoid explaining death to my 4 year old so far. We lost FIL during the pandemic and he believes his beloved grandfather moved far away and still sends him presents and emails (which I read out from my phone)
😔

OP posts:
Darkness22 · 11/09/2022 08:52

This isn't real?

WhoopItUp · 11/09/2022 08:52

Death is part of life and children need to understand it. YABU

Georgeskitchen · 11/09/2022 08:52

Gone to heaven is usually the easiest way to explain to a very small child

Snowiscold · 11/09/2022 08:52

Are you actually joking?

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 11/09/2022 08:52

Yep, definitely happened.

namechange30455 · 11/09/2022 08:52

Schooldaysagain · 11/09/2022 08:51

I've managed to avoid explaining death to my 4 year old so far. We lost FIL during the pandemic and he believes his beloved grandfather moved far away and still sends him presents and emails (which I read out from my phone)
😔

Are you serious?

Bluntly: you are really fucking your child up.

How is he going to feel when he finds out his grandfather died and you lied to him?

Is he at school? They'll be talking about the queen there anyway.

YourLipsMyLipsApocalypse · 11/09/2022 08:53

And when/how are you going to kill off the grandfather?!

alrightfella · 11/09/2022 08:53

I hope this is a weird joke thread....

Original poster
Schooldaysagain · 11/09/2022 08:53

Stupid phone posted too soon
... So with this in mind, I have been loathe to explain the death of the Queen to my 4 year old DS. However with the upcoming funeral and Bank Holiday I think it may come up at school anyway.

Would you explain death now to a 4 year old and if so how? :(

OP posts:
Mumofsend · 11/09/2022 08:53

Schooldaysagain · 11/09/2022 08:51

I've managed to avoid explaining death to my 4 year old so far. We lost FIL during the pandemic and he believes his beloved grandfather moved far away and still sends him presents and emails (which I read out from my phone)
😔

Your poor son. He needs to know an age appropriate truth. "Grandad went to heaven." Is all it needs to be. Not quite a significant level of deception.

MakeMineALarge1 · 11/09/2022 08:54

You're lying to your child!
You're making him think his dead grandad has moved away but will never see him again. This is awful!
You're doing your child a massive disservice
Now grow up and tell your child the bloody truth, especially about their grandad.

LampLighter414 · 11/09/2022 08:54

You must tell your DD about the Queen. The nation is mourning and so should all in your household.

EmptyHouse0822 · 11/09/2022 08:55

This cannot be true.

If it is, then it’s a really shitty lie to tell.

My children are 5 & 8 and they’ve been going to their grandmas gravestone from being months old (she died only a few weeks after the birth of my first son) and they love talking about their grandma who”lives in the grass”, even my youngest son who never got to meet her.

EbbyEbs · 11/09/2022 08:55

Just say she’s gone to heaven for fucks sake

Or if you don’t want to fill his head with religion say she’s died, like the hamster died or whatever

Does your 4 year old even give a shit about the queen though? Really? Most 4 year olds wouldn’t have a clue who you’re on about

FrecklesMalone · 11/09/2022 08:55

If it's true about your grandad that is a terrible terrible thing to do. Lying about such a matter is awful. He will also wonder why he grandad can't be arsed to see him anymore

Sux2buthen · 11/09/2022 08:55

Better to hear it from you than someone than someone else.
They can't really understand the finality but need to learn the concept

User354354 · 11/09/2022 08:55

This is terrible. You need to explain death to children. Are you eventually going to tell him about his grandad ?

TrashyPanda · 11/09/2022 08:55

Your poor kid.
why on Earth didn’t you tell him when his GF died?
you have done him a big misservice

MakeMineALarge1 · 11/09/2022 08:56

I'm sorry if this is true, you're a bloody idiot.

Sux2buthen · 11/09/2022 08:56

LampLighter414 · 11/09/2022 08:54

You must tell your DD about the Queen. The nation is mourning and so should all in your household.

Well that's just not true, you can't tell someone to mourn.
But on the whole death is a part of life and they need to know about it generally

FrecklesMalone · 11/09/2022 08:56

LampLighter414 · 11/09/2022 08:54

You must tell your DD about the Queen. The nation is mourning and so should all in your household.

I assume this is a joke 😂

TeenDivided · 11/09/2022 08:56

You must tell your DS about death.
How you deal with the fact you have lied to him about his GF is beyond me, but the longer you leave it the harder it will get.
Use The Queen as a starting point.

Darbs76 · 11/09/2022 08:57

its really not a good idea to lie to children like that re your FIL. A really bad idea

Neolara · 11/09/2022 08:57

I would say the queen has died. This happened because she was very, very old. Being dead means that her body stops working. She can't move or eat or drink or think. When people die it's forever - their body won't start working again. Some people will feel sad that the queen has died because she was important person in their lives.

toomuchlaundry · 11/09/2022 08:57

If they were at school last week they would likely have had an assembly already about the Queen dying