To not explain death of Queen to 4 year old?

[Schooldaysagain]

I've managed to avoid explaining death to my 4 year old so far. We lost FIL during the pandemic and he believes his beloved grandfather moved far away and still sends him presents and emails (which I read out from my phone)
😔

I literally cannot believe what I've read

How’s this relevant?

A much-loved nursery teacher of my kids died after a sudden illness when they were 3 and 4. They coped absolutely fine with the "sometimes people get so sick that the doctor can't make them better, however much they try" explanation. Yes there were lots of questions about burials and cremations and when other people might die but you answer those in an age-appropriate way.

They are now 10 years down the line and not mentally scarred. Lying to children about something which happens to EVERYONE is just wrong.

Batshit isn’t it

Explain it..dont lie about it
You are being unreasonable and idiotic in your approach right now.

I have no words.

Op you are being silly.
My only just 2 DD was the only person in the house when I was told of the sudden death of my DB. I told my DD but ended up having to re-explain lots as he grew up Including heaven isn't the cemetery 🤦‍♀️

My other child was 2 when my DDad died and he just seemed to accept it.

Start by explaining the Queen.
Then in a couple of weeks explain DGD has died you have to tell him before he asks to facetime DGD.

A parents job is to prepare their child for living in the world, not to protect them from it.

OP, there are some lovely age-appropriate books to help explain death to small children. Badger's Parting Gift is one, Goodnight Mog is another (although i read through Goodnight Mog in Waterstones in town and i was a sobbing mess!).

My grandfather died when DS was two, I explained to him that he was very very old and had been very poorly and that now he had died. We've also had his Nan's dog die so also.explain that. Children are resilient, unless you lie to them!

Perhaps you could include Father Christmas in the Big Reveal - get all out of the way now!

And the Tooth Fairy, and that conkers don't keep spiders away (that's the big one for me).

Wtf

That's ridiculously messed up
Why on earth wouldn't you be honest about his grandfather?!

Badgers Parting Gifts is the absolutely mainstay in our family since dd, now in her 30s with her own children, was small. Lovely lovely book

I have a SEND child who struggles with anxiety and the idea of the permanence of death. We watched Disney's Soul with him and talked about the idea of souls in heaven and that seems to have given him real comfort.

Ridiculous

@SimonAndGarthsUncle , I think that was in reference to somebody who said that any children who were in school on Friday would know about it already.

When my dad died, I told my then 3 year old that Grandad had died which meant we couldn't see him anymore. I'm not religious so didn't talk about heaven but when he asked where he went, I explained that people believe different things but I liked to look at the stars and think about him.
Now both my boys are older, three grandparents have died but I never say anything other than died. They're sad but I could never lie about it. I think you really must tell the truth to your child as soon as possible.

I find this quite odd. Children understand death, just explain in simple terms. Haven't they picked up a dead fly or spider yet and asked what's wrong with it? You can't shield them from pain but you can teach them that sad things happen but we can move on and cope. By hiding death you are teaching your son that he cannot cope with it and must be protected from it, when he grows up he will quite predictably fall apart. I mean, what would happen if you died tomorrow, would you want him to think you just moved away?

He understands that GF has gone far away and won't be coming back but still loves him and that we can still remember GF. I just haven't explained the concept of death fully to him, but I haven't continued a lie that he's still alive!

You have continued a lie that he’s still alive, though. Because your son still thinks his GF is sending him presents and emails. Telling a child that someone has gone away and won’t be coming back, but can still apparently send him presents and emails, is absolutely giving them the impression that they are still alive.

If this is genuine Get on the Winston's wish website and educate yourself about how to talk to children about death and grief.

It will definitely come up at school our school had assembly on fri and a minute silence for the Queen.

Death is apart of life you aren't protecting your child by lying to them.

Not everyone in the nation is in mourning. Her household shouldn't have to do anything.

Death is a part of life! By saying gf has moved far away means that your poor dc probably thinks why? Kate has told prince louis and apparently he said at least she's with great grandpa now. Please say grandad in heaven or something like that.

cms.barnardos.org.uk/sites/default/files/2020-04/child-bereavement-service-explaining-death-children-young-people-help-cope.pdf

Please stop doing this to your son.
There are some things in life you cannot protect anyone from and death is one of them. He needs to understand the truth as others have said in an age appropriate way.
The worst thing you can tell them is that they are away somewhere or have gone to sleep. He is going to have major anxiety about people going away and thinking they won’t come back.
Being taught about death in a gentle way from a young age means that there isn’t a time where he will get a huge shock and knowing he has been lied to.
Kids know when something is wrong and lying to them with tales of people going away or falling asleep leaves them scared, confused and knowing they can’t rely on you for the truth. They handle things much better than you are giving him credit for.
Start with the truth now and buy some books around this to help you.