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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be worried about this neighbour?

229 replies

gonewithtthewind · 11/09/2022 07:58

Posting in this section as I wasn't sure where to post!

I dunno if I'm just being silly, pregnancy hormones could be playing a part in my worry!

I live in a cul de sac - the house which is opposite me to the right has an old man who lives there, I think he lives on his own but I'm honestly not sure. I've never spoken to him, a lot of my neighbours are older so they all do seem to talk to each other so I've kind of told myself if they aren't worried then I shouldn't be but I'm not sure?

Basically he always opens his blinds early in the morning, around 7am and doesn't shut them until really late. He also obviously has lights on at night time. He does have nurses go in sometimes but I'm honestly not sure how often that is. This sounds like I've been stalking him I know but you just pick up on these things, especially since I'm home all the time now!

The past 3 days he hasn't opened his blinds once, no windows have been opened, he hasn't been out to mow the grass (which he does multiple times a week) and no lights have been on. His security alarm is still flashing from 3 days ago when we had a power cut! I don't know if I'm just overthinking this? Like he could have gone on holiday? I don't know but he doesn't seem to have any family it seems and his car is still outside. I keep worrying something has happened to him! I think I'm going to go and ask the neighbours today when they're out because they do talk so surely theyd know if he's just on holiday or if we should be worried about him? I feel so silly and my partner has told me I'm overthinking it! Does anyone know if there is anything else I should or could do? Should I even be worried or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
MNCar · 11/09/2022 18:02

@gonewithtthewind sorry to hear it was as feared. Well done for calling the police for a welfare check. We need to keep an eye out for our neighbours. It’s not nosey.

The blinds not being opened was a sign to a friends grandparents neighbours. They knew to call if not opened by a certain time. Very much a peace died in sleep.

TempNameChangexx · 11/09/2022 18:03

Don't feel bad - you did do something about it, a lot of people wouldn't.

Isahlo · 11/09/2022 18:05

gonewithtthewind · 11/09/2022 16:42

I'm sorry it's taken so long to update you all - I really wish I was bringing you good news but it seems he passed away whilst watching tv at some point. I couldn't hear the tv on when I went round, I've been really sad all day and just feel so guilty that I didn't do something sooner! It's devastating

Oh love I’m terribly sorry it’s not your fault though my darling well done for checking x

Shiningstarr · 11/09/2022 18:05

gonewithtthewind · 11/09/2022 16:42

I'm sorry it's taken so long to update you all - I really wish I was bringing you good news but it seems he passed away whilst watching tv at some point. I couldn't hear the tv on when I went round, I've been really sad all day and just feel so guilty that I didn't do something sooner! It's devastating

Oh no how awful. X

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 11/09/2022 18:09

gonewithtthewind · 11/09/2022 16:42

I'm sorry it's taken so long to update you all - I really wish I was bringing you good news but it seems he passed away whilst watching tv at some point. I couldn't hear the tv on when I went round, I've been really sad all day and just feel so guilty that I didn't do something sooner! It's devastating

Sad outcome but you noticed! You did the right thing and he wasn't left there for ages. Its hard but as others have said don't be hard on yourself you wouldn't have changed the outcome. What you did mattered.

Iamacatslave · 11/09/2022 18:12

Please don’t be hard on yourself. You did the right thing.

Pixie2015 · 11/09/2022 18:15

So sad but please you took action x

Trudij123 · 11/09/2022 18:16

Sorry to see this - you did a lot more than most people would, you’re a brilliant neighbour. Hope you’re ok

catfunk · 11/09/2022 18:28

Sorry to hear that op - you're a good neighbour.
Luckily you alerted the authorities or he could have been in there weeks/ months without being found

incywincyspidery · 11/09/2022 18:40

If he passed away watching TV and his curtains were closed it must have happened the night before you first noticed or before it got light in the morning. So even if you had raised the alarm at 7.05 the next morning it would have made no difference sweetie. What you did was save him the indignity of not being discovered for ages. None of the other neighbours acted until you did. This is not on you.

Hamster1111 · 11/09/2022 18:44

You're a lovely person OP xx

SirVixofVixHall · 11/09/2022 18:45

Very sad OP, but good you called the police. It sounds as though he slipped away peacefully .
My mother was given an extra few years by a kind neighbour who was worried that she hadn’t seen her , and so called us. Mum had fallen and was very injured and would have died if it had been left until the next day. So to anyone not sure what to do, if you are at all concerned about a neighbour, then do something.

Somethingneedstochange · 11/09/2022 18:46

I second this 😥😥😥

HannaHanna · 11/09/2022 18:59

You seem like a good person and did a really good thing. I think it’s a good time to get to know more of your neighbors.

MrsJamin · 11/09/2022 19:03

That is a sad outcome but you should be proud of your neighbourliness today.
Anyone else wondering what happened to his carers though? 🤔

LostForWords2021 · 11/09/2022 19:06

Please try not to feel guilty. You are a good neighbour and if it wasn’t for you then no one would know it’s happened yet.

you are a good person

Delphinium20 · 11/09/2022 19:12

I'm so sorry for the outcome, but you did the right thing. You were the first person to notice and take action. I'm sure his family are grateful you did something...if you hadn't it could have been more time passing and how awful for the family and friends to think no one did anything. I wish you were my neighbor. 💐

ShedHead7 · 11/09/2022 19:15

Aw don't feel guilty, if he's passed away peacefully watching tv, then It wouldn't have mattered if you'd have noticed/gone round earlier, the outcome would be the same. My dads neighbour went round the same morning as noticing his bin hadn't been put out, and it was still too late.

BirmaBrite · 11/09/2022 19:16

Anyone else wondering what happened to his carers though?

It doesn't sound like they were carers, more likely district nursing team or a nurse from the GP surgery or the warfarin team, who might only visit once a week ?

You have done a good thing OP, none of his other neighbours seemed to have picked up on any of the little clues you did. It also doesn't sound as though the outcome would have been any different if you had summoned help any sooner.
Flowers

GettingItOutThere · 11/09/2022 19:21

oh gosh OP, what a sad update but you did the right thing, a great neighbour and there would have been nothign you could do anyhow.

go easy on yourself.

Midsizegal29 · 11/09/2022 19:26

Definitely not over thinking! My DH’s Nan had had a fall and was stuck on the floor in her dining room. My FIL had phoned her earlier in the evening and she was fine, about to have a bath. We were out for dinner with MIL & FIL when we got a phone call from one of her neighbours who had noticed that her lights were all off and the curtains were still open. He’d been over and knocked and got no answer, but knew she was home that evening as she’d seen him earlier. FIL went straight down and she’d dislocated her shoulder and managed to get herself stuck in the doorway into her bedroom (bungalow where her bedroom was at the back of the house, off the dining room and not visible from the front). She’d been on the floor in agony for about 2 hours by the time FIL got there. If we hadn’t had that phone call, she would have been there all night.

SandieCollins · 11/09/2022 19:33

I’m so sorry for this news but you were a kind neighbour to notice and follow up. Flowers

Ticksallboxes · 11/09/2022 19:45

This is so sad but what a lovely neighbour you are!! ❤️

whynotwhatknot · 11/09/2022 19:46

very sad you did the right thing shame noone else bothered even though they were worried

CymruChris · 11/09/2022 19:46

Oh thats so sad. You sound like a really caring neighbour, it would have meant so much that you noticed and cared enough to do something. Big hugs xx