SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

OT but I've never heard of this film. Is it available on any streaming platforms?

I love that film but yeah scared the shit out of me too
I'd prob have left if she said it repeatedly even if sil picked it. my 10yo hasn't seen it yet he'd not have coped with it at 7 either

@Peashoots

Agree: it's a v boring and strange film

While it's good for comfort zones to be pushed sometimes, maybe it would've been better to approach that one at home with a safe cushion to hide behind and a DVD pause button. I mean Skeksises are nightmare fuel.

I’d just apologise as you don’t want a huge falling out over something like this. I’d just say I’m sorry I didn’t realise you were so scared you didn’t want to keep watching. Nothing wrong with encouraging kids to keep going with something and it doesn’t sound like she was terrified at all

Except I didn't choose the film. SIL did

It doesn't matter. You were responsible during the film and should have listened to the child. I don't understand what people are so dismissive of the feelings of a child but it's commonplace sadly.

Baby friendly showings aren’t films for babies. They’re generally adult films that you can take your baby into. The baby doesn’t watch the film. That film isn’t suitable for a 7 year old.

YABU. You need to apologise.

My 7 year old would have hated that YABU and selfish to ignore a scared child because you wanted to watch the film. I left a lot of movies and changed tv channels often because mine was easily scared. Some kids just are (she’s mostly grown out of it now at nearly 12). If that was my kid I’d be really annoyed with you.

So I have a very sensitive child. He can’t watch anything. Cried through Frozen. His sibling is the opposite. I wouldn’t have chosen this film for him. But if he had gone to see it he would have told you twice he was scared (in a whining tone because he would have been trying to cover up how frightened he was) and then literally blocked out the movie and appeared bored. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t scared.
I am quite a strict non pandering parent but if a child says to me more than once that they are scared of something that is meant to be fun, then I am happy to cut it short.

I also agree that the OP didn’t want to cut her fun short.

The whole ‘well I won’t take her again’ is meaningless. You were in loco parentis. And again the lift thing is also meaningless. We are allowed to be scared of things and have to do them. I am TERRIFIED of flying. For work and to see my family who live 2 continents away I fly regularly. My fear of flying isn’t made up. I just have to squash it. It doesn’t mean I don’t hate every second of it.

I would never expect my child to watch that, shes almost six. There are so many scary parts and upsetting bits for kids, the creatures do look creepy also! Id be fuming if my brother made my daughter sit through that especially disregarding that she said shes scared. Thats so selfish of you. I wouldnt be letting you look after her again tbh as you put your needs above hers.

SIL needs to get over herself. It was her idea and her kid. If she stops making a big deal of it then the child will forget about it.

Op the film was probably a bit scary but honestly an apology?! Why? How does that help other than just make you feel bad? Kid needs to get over it, scary shit exists.

When my niece says she is scared I listen to her. I don't invalidate her, I don't think my inconvenience is more important than her feelings and I apologise when it is due. There only one creating any drama is the OP.

I think your SIL is being unreasonable - I see from later posts that it was SIL that chose the film and imo it's not suitable for a 7 yo (it says 10+). Personally I wouldn't be apologising but I neither would I be looking after DN again for her.

I watched Jurassic park and was scared.

My mum just kept reminding me it was a film.

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone being scared of a film but it's a good lesson to learn rationalisation and resilience.

I go to chessington with ds. I'm scared of the Dragons duty but always ride it because the fear is part of the thrill

Info about the film here;

www.romper.com/p/is-the-dark-crystal-age-of-resistance-appropriate-for-kids-under-10-it-may-be-scary-18702432

I wouldn’t allow you to take my child out again in future if you can’t see the problem with this

Oh for goodness sake. An apology costs nothing. Why get hung up? I apologise to my kids when I get it wrong. What’s the big deal? We supposed to perfect?

Come on OP you need to be the grown up here - getting huffy because your niece didn’t have a good time is daft.

It sounds like you and SIL both made bad judgement calls with this, SIL for recommending DN watch it and you for making her sit through it when she said she didn’t want to, so I think you do owe your DN an apology. (FWIW I also think your SIL does).

We need to model to kids that it’s ok to make mistakes/misjudge stuff and when we do we say sorry and then move on.

If SIL chose the film as well I’m surprised she’s annoyed with you in the way you’re saying she is.

Either way the little girl was scared & though annoying think you underestimated by how much.

Apologise to SIL & say she didn’t seem that frightened by it at the time otherwise you would have taken her out.

May be a lesson in what isn’t scary to an adult (or you at that age) can be to other younger kids.

If an apology smooths relationships , do it ,it costs nothing not worth the hassle

I once took my daughter to a Cbeebies show.
As soon as the presenters came on stage she started screaming, absolutely terrified. I think it was the shock of seeing the people she was used to seeing on television larger than life in front of her.
I knew she wasn't going to settle, so I jus picked her up and took her out (we lost the money we had paid, but she came first. Plus it wouldn't have been fair on the others watching or the performers).

I would have taken a 7 year old out the minute they expressed fear.
I also wouldn't have taken a baby in there.

DD 7 would have been utterly terrified by that film! I absolutely wouldn’t have made a child sit through it. Sometimes she says something is scary when I can objectively see there is nothing really scary about it so then I might encourage her to give it a go and that it’s a good film and not scary etc. Something that is obviously a bit scary, I wouldn’t and that film is such an odd choice to make a child sit through. It was poor judgement so you should apologize.

sorry but dark crystal was NOT appropriate for a 7 year old!!! They basically murder The things to DRINK them!

What was the point in telling you again? She had told you twice and you dismissed and invalidated her feelings both times.

Sounds like the two of you just aren't a good fit to do things together. You have to be able to adjust activities based on the child and her needs.

I took my niece and two other kids to see a movie a few years back. All the same age. The two other kids loved it but almost right away, I could see my niece tense up and when I asked her she said she didn't like it. Given the other kids were there she didn't want to say scared and have them think she was a baby. She ended up curling up in the chair with a jacket over her head watching a show she likes on my phone (with earphones). It meant the others could enjoy it and she wasn't distressed. The concern I have is that you just dismissed how she felt, tried to tell her how she needed to feel, and then seemed annoyed she didn't like it (and told her mom).