SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

The scene with the skesis eating used to freak me out when I was little.

Don’t take her to see non child films again. tell SIL this too

I would absolutely not apologise to her - she doesn't need this pandered to, it's perfectly fine to be a bit scared and get through it now and then and will teach her resilience. And I would not offer any favours to SIL again.

Error of judgement on both parts I would say.
I would reassure dneice that you won't be taking her again.
We had a family friend whose daughter was distraught at the opening scene of Finding Nemo, she was about the same age. I took her out immediately, albeit reluctantly. I took her back for the happy ending and closing credits!

Dark Crystal scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. I still wouldn't choose to watch it now. Plus, it's probably even more terrifying now to kids brought up on placid CGI animation.

At least she'll remember the day for a long time!

For crying out loud the child is a child. You don’t teach your child resilience by taking it to a non-suitable film. And then fall out with people because we are too childish to smooth things over? For goodness sake!

For crying out loud the child is a child.

You ignored a scared child? And taught her to ignore her own feelings for the convenience of an adult and doubt herself to keep the peace? You wouldn’t be taking my child out again.

Yep. This.

I found Disney's Black Hole scary. I was sick when Maximilian the nasty robot came on screen. My DM took me to the toilet but I had to go and continue to watch the film as my younger sister was enjoying it. I was 11 and to this day, 43 years later,I hate sci-fi films and the haunting music of that film still traumatises me.

Don't give a stupid fake apology about her feelings (sorry you were scared) thoes are manipulative and pointless. Apologies are for what YOU did or didn't do. 'I'm sorry I misunderstood how scared you were, sometimes adults forget to see things from a child's perspective and thats what happened. I promise that next time I will listen to you properly.'

It's irrelevant that SIL chose the film, you were responsible for the child in your care. You dismissed her initial attempt to tel you she was scared, of course she was going to try to muddle through the rest of it if the only adult she was with told her not to make a fuss. When she felt safe enough back in her mothers presence, her true emotions could come out. This is such straightforward stuff, how do you not see it?

Resilience isn't the lesson learned by having your feelings ignored and dismissed in favour of an adult's leisure.

For crying out loud the child is a child. You don’t teach your child resilience by taking it to a non-suitable film. And then fall out with people because we are too childish to smooth things over? For goodness sake!

SIL chose the film, and from what I've read she enjoyed it but got a bit scared of the dark at the end. I don't treat every little thing as the massive drama people on here often do. This was not the end of the world.

sorry but I think yabu. The film terrified me as a child, she asked you to leave twice

based on googling reviews I would not have taken a kid that age to that film - just the name dark Crystal makes it sound sinister and since it was made in 1982 it’s cinematography might have been very different for her.
to keep the piece I would ring and say sorry you were scared but not take her out again. Her mother sounds unhinged asking an adult to apologise to a child on the phone when you had already apologised in person

You ignored a scared child? And taught her to ignore her own feelings for the convenience of an adult and doubt herself to keep the peace? You wouldn’t be taking my child out again.

this. Think about what you are teaching.

It would seem as though both you and your SIL are thinking of yourselves and your own justification rather than the kid. For goodness sake both of you just have a word with the child and say you are sorry she was scared and that it was a bad movie choice for her. Just say adults make mistakes sometimes and that you will try and do better next time. I just cannot see what the fuss is about. Just use some common sense and thought for the child. Relationships come before our ego. You are not necessarily admitting you are wrong but just saying sorry that things didn’t go to plan

So your SIL wanted her daughter to see the film, but now thinks you should apologise because she was scared (when she remembered to be). I wouldn't be taking the child to any more films, and I would be pointing out to SIL that as she okayed the film in the first place because she wanted to discuss it with her daughter then maybe she is the one who should be apologising to her.

YABU.

I like The Dark Crystal, but it is quite a dark story and I can totally see why a 7 year old would be scared of it.

Also, it doesn't matter if it's Alvin and The Chipmunks, if a child is scared then they're scared. You need to apologise and be more supportive of your niece rather than invalidating her feelings.

Agree with this.

I can't believe some people are saying never take the child out again. It's hard to believe that someone could be that much of an arsehole that they would never go out with their own Niece again because she got scared in a cinema. You'd have to be pretty fucking twisted to think like that.

Regardless of who chose that film OP she's a child, one who told you she was scared and you should have asked her if she wanted to leave. I think you know damn well that's that what any reasonable person would have done. I also don't get the issue in apologising to her. What's the big deal in saying 'I'm sorry you were scared, your mum thought you'd enjoy the film but I should have taken you home when it scared you'. Also, anyone who thinks it teaches 'resilience' to put children in situations where they are scared is a fuckwit, and a dangerous one at that.

Yabu
i saw that film as a kid and had nightmares afterwards

Dark crystal is quite disturbing for children!

She told you she was scared. You should have left. Yabu

I watched the dark crystal as a child and it is scary

www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/the-dark-crystal

That film isn't a good choice for a 7 year old I'm not surprised she was scared. But if my sister said she was taking my 7 year old to the cinema I would have checked the film myself before. I think you and your sister share the blame here and should both apologise to the scared child. She'll get over it but probably won't want to go to the cinema with you for a while!