SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

That film is quite scary in parts!!. I'm not sure my 7 year old would like it particularly on a big screen. I think you misjudged your audience......

I said before we went it was a bit 'dark' (I said this to SIL). She insisted that my niece had seen a lot worse! I said I was a similar age when I saw it to be fair. My SIL then said she wanted her to see it so she could talk to her about it, as it's one of her favourites (SIL)

Except I didn't choose the film. SIL did.

DH tried to get our DC to watch Dark Crystal recently and it's creepy as hell!! They're 7 and 9 and were really quite scared during the first fifteen minutes. It's a very strange film, I'm not surprised your niece was scared!

Its a PG which in the UK really means 8+ as a U is for under 8s. Its also a very weird film by modern standards.

Once she complained of being scared more than once you should have left. Same as my Dad did when my little brother found Jumanji too scary, or I did after paying ££££ for my DDs first Imax 3D experience for a Minions film but the 3D was too much. Its what responsible adults do despite it being annoying and losing out on money.

Now there's no way those two children asked to go see that particular film so presumably its you that wanted to see it and didn't want your viewing to be ruined. So you need to apologise. .

Just noticed the film update. I love that film. But I am not remotely surprised that a child would find it frightening.

Both of your last replies change things significantly. SIL knew what the movie was(according to you she chose it), was happy for her DD to watch and even encouraged you when you had doubts. That's on her.

Next time(if there is one) you pick what you want/deem suitable and SIL can do the "adventurous " stuff if she wants.

What a drip feed. Your SIL chose the film and you said it possibly wasn't appropriate?

None of that changes you should have listened to your neice at the time though!

I said before we went it was a bit 'dark' (I said this to SIL). She insisted that my niece had seen a lot worse! I said I was a similar age when I saw it to be fair. My SIL then said she wanted her to see it so she could talk to her about it, as it's one of her favourites (SIL)

You should've put this in your OP @cheathimsilly because now you'll just get poster after poster tearing you to bits because they haven't RTFT. If you SiL wanted her to see it then it's hardly your fault.

Omg I saw that when I was young, I still have a rough memory of it, and it scared me then! You should have listened to her the first or second time. I do think you should apologise to her.

Look my niece freaked out watching Casper and held onto my leg throughout . I didn’t leave as her siblings were there too.

Tye dark Crystal is a PG - she just didn’t enjoy it. As for apologising - absolutely not especially as your SIL chose the thing. She should apologise to her DD

That's on her.

^ so the child's got to suck it up because the adults chose a film they thought she'd like?

Ew no, I just googled it and those characters are really creepy looking, I would have been terrified of that at 7.
Animation/ costumes etc. like that I'm sure was common in the early 80s but we don't really see anything like that now so she probably thought they were real!
I think you should apologise.

I think that it's an over reaction on your sils part. She asked you to take her, you did. She wasn't scared of the film, but of the dark. One of my children is always scared of stuff, you have to help them rationalise when it's fine. For the relationships sake I'd say, " I'm sorry you were scared in the cinema. I thought you'd be okay when the film started."

Then you are both to blame. SIL should have watched that film at home with her if she was so keen on it where it could easily be turned off or fast forward through the scary bits.You were unreasonable not to take her out when she complained and make out that she's just being difficult....Poor kid.

Well if DSIL choose the film you dont need to apologise for that. Although that is a risky choice for the cinema.

You do need to apologise for not taking her out when she was scared.

I showed Dark Crystal to DD at a similar age but at home with the proviso that she could turn it off if she wanted. Wed already done labyrinth and studio ghibli successfully on this basis

Just apologise for some peace and quiet then don't take your niece out again. It sounds more trouble than it's worth.

“there’s lots of funny stuff”. Really? I don’t remember any of that about it, though it’s been decades since I watched it. It’s a pretty dark fantasy story, as far as I remember. She’ll be having nightmares for ages I imagine.

love how you’ve now added in it was all your SILs idea to take her to that specific movie🙄 That’s really irrelevant. The child told you twice at the beginning she was scared, you should have left. You were there as the responsible adult, you didn’t do the right thing.

I have read the full thread and I don't think it changes anything at all. Even if SIL suggested the film, that doesn't negate that the adult present should not have dismissed the child's fears. Adults are supposed to be able to adapt to circumstances.

I get that it was your SIL's choice and not yours but your SIL misjudged how scary it would be for your niece, especially on a big screen in a dark room.

Your SIL made the initial mistake but you compounded it by not listening to your niece.

When dd was little, we had to take her home halfway through Ratatouille because she couldn't cope with the tension. It sucked because it was a children's film which should have been fine for her plus dp and I were enjoying it and wanted to see how it ended. But that's what you do when children tell you that they're scared.

My DD (8) would have been scared too. She also would have done what she was told and put on a brave face as your DN did if she was there with an aunty who told her twice to suck it, up because she’s a polite kid.

I think you should have taken her out when she expressed she was scared the second time and I do think you should talk to her and apologise.

Having said that if I was your SIL I doubt I’d be badgering you about this. Would be dealing with it myself.

Dark Crystal is scary AF when you're little. I loved it, enjoyed the creepiness of it all and watched it a ton throughout my childhood and even I convinced myself that Skesis would come out of the toilet and get me if I didn't leave the toilet fast enough. 🤣

Apologise. And listen to kids don't be that kind of adult that ignores kids when they're scared.

YANBU

I'd say to SIL I'm sorry your DD got scared but I won't be taking her out again

Wimpy children are the worst sometimes

I wouldn't take her out again.

I don't understand how you didn't apologise and give her a cuddle when she burst into floods of tears in front of you? I'd be so sorry for my nieces/nephews to think I was ignoring their feelings in the cinema when they were scared. I'd explain I thought they were enjoying themselves but I'd still apologise.