SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

Why couldn’t you choose a more age appropriate enjoyable movie?

the child told you she was scared ! How did you decide she wasn’t?

The Dark Crystal!! My kids saw it when they were little, it was an old fav of mine, they’re 19 and 17 now and still say how traumatised they were seeing that! They had nightmares for days. You def need to apologise.

Why would she say it again? She’d already told you she was scared twice.

You sound very dismissive of her.

The op seems to have fucked off, but I know the film you saw and wouldn’t have taken a 7 year old to it. It’s from 1982, very few 40 year old live action films will be engaging to a 7 year old. Poor choice of a day out.

But the SIL chose the film! She's just as much in the wrong as the OP. More in fact. SIL shouldn't have suggested the film, she is ultimately responsible for her DD. Why are people on this thread letting her off the hook, and putting all the blame on OP? Yes OP made a mistake, but her SIL really is more to blame for suggesting such an unsuitable film.

Because they OP is the one who ignored a child telling her she was scared.

The SIL may have misjudged the suggestion, but the OP is the one who didn’t remove a child from a situation where they told her they were scared.

To be fair the Dark Crystal, although an AMAZING MOVIE, is quite a dark movie & the Skeksis puppets are pretty realistic, nasty & scabby so could be scary to younger viewers.
If the kid is still very much believing everything they see on the screen to be real rather than understanding it is all pyrotechnics, actors, green screens & puppets that are put together for entertainment, effect & to tell a story.
It is a PG but it is an older rating PG.
Believe it or not but Poltergeist was a PG when it was 1st released so sometimes the older ratings are quite a bit more lax than more up to date ones.
Having seen the movie a few times I would have checked with mum what level of film she had been exposed to & what her understanding of movies & the movie making process was before taking her to see it.
On the flip side this also sounds like she is maybe just craving attention & being dramatic is how she gets it so she went into default mode when she saw mum.
Sister is & isn’t being unreasonable.
If she choose not to check what movie you were thinking of going to see, I always check this with friends & family as we all have different levels, then she is just as responsible for the child’s apparent upset.

OP, I agree with you, she wasn't scared she was bored. My DD (aged 8) does this. If we go to my DP's house and my DF is watching something on the TV that she finds boring she pretends to be scared and will say it is scaring me.

Replying again as I have now read all your replies to comments & got the full story. Sounds like the girl is being dramatic or she maybe has a general issue with anxiety.
Mum choose the movie so no foul on you for that one.
Personally I’d speak to your niece & explain to her that because she seemed to be fine for most of the movie & was quite happy at the end you assumed that when she was saying she was scared she was joking or just being 7 & not wanting to try something new.
You don’t need to apologise as such as you didn’t do anything wrong or horrible but this is a learning opportunity where you & your niece can find some common ground to help her deal with her anxiety or for her to realise that being dramatic & whining instead of clearly expressing her issue can lead to misunderstandings.
My LG said & did a similar thing when we went to see Jurassic World but we held hands for a bit, she hugged her teddy & now it is one of her favourite movies.
On the flip side my LG hates the movie 2012. She choose to watch it when she was 7 & although she enjoyed it she has never watched it since as she said it freaked her out.
I am terrified of the movie Gremlins.
I watched it, by my own choice, when I was 5 & even now at 43 if I ever watch it I have to jump into bed, pull the covers over my head & hold my breath so I can listen for Gremlin noises. I actually LOVE horror & scary movies but Gremlins just freaks me out.

Yes, the OP certainly made a mistake. But my point is that people have been blaming her entirely, not just for not leaving the cinema; but for going to that film, when she states clearly up thread that her SIL chose the film to begin with. Her SIL is the parent, so I'd say far more responsible, as she should have known it would be unsuitable for her own child

The whole situation sounds a bit mad.

SIL is definitely U for suggesting a movie, assuring you her dd would love it, and then expecting you to apologise to her dd when she apparently didn’t love it.

You are a bit U for going along with the whole plan, and for expecting a 7 yo not to talk to you during the movie (as it was baby friendly presumably a bit of noise was Ok).

I don’t know what the whole explanation about the sweets and popcorn has to do with it.

Would chalk the whole thing up to experience and also to a forewarning about what 7 yos are like, as opposed to babies.

Googled the movie and the costumes look quite scary to me too. poor girl.

She didn’t mention it in her OP though. I think a lot of people missed the additional posts. Just like you missed the posts earlier in the thread that have already asked why no one was blaming the SIL! Easily done. Not many people trawl through every post of a multi page thread. 🤷‍♀️

Why is your father sitting watching TV when he has visitors? Bit rude.

She was a bit scared, then she was fine and had a good time. She got over herself and understood that it was a film, not reality. That's a good life lesson. If you'd taken her out, you'd have been teaching her the lesson that any emotional discomfort is terrible and must be solved immediately by the adults in her life. Thats a bad lesson.

As for apologising to a 7 year old? No way!

Good point. Fair enough. True, I missed the posts saying the same thing I have.

People have.

However it’s utterly bizarre to hold the person who wasn’t there far more responsible than someone who basically ignored a child expressing their fear twice.

They both made a mistake thinking the film was suitable. The Op is entirely responsible for not acting on her niece telling her that she was scared.

The Dark Crystal is scary and a PG so not suitable for under 8s. I wouldn't call that a baby showing. Films are more scary in the cinema too so I think you should have thought more carefully about taking a DC under the recommended age, tbh.

I do apologise I see your SIL chose the film so she is largely responsible.

Very creepy. I've watched it on tv but even as an adult, I'd probably find it too freaky to watch at the cinema.

One year, I was doing home visits for my new Foundation class and found out that Coraline was one little boy's favourite film. He was only 4! I was pretty taken aback by that.

@WanderingFruitWonderer let’s face it, there’s blame enough to go right the way round, blame for SiL thinking Dark Crystal is a good choice for anyone, let alone a 7yo, OP who sat through it and thought “yeah this is entertainment, and not 80s dystopian nightmare fuel, kid doesn’t know what’s good for her”, Jim Henson who created the uncanniest of uncanny valleys in their weird puppet faces- DELIBERATELY to scar all the 70s and 80s kids for life.
Ordinarily, do I think we need to apologise to children when they are exposed to some suboptimal experience? Probably not- but Dark Crystal is literally famously one of the film experiences that “stays with you” and not always in a good way. Reminds me of that news story in America years ago where a teacher put on “The leprechaun” for the kids thinking it was a fun holiday movie, and then left the room, the kids were 10, chaos ensued, souls were scarred. Google image The leprechaun if you’re unfamiliar and you’ll soon see why

i think your sis in law is over reacting, I wouldn't apologise to a 7 year old who was giggling at some bits, just wouldn't bother bringing her again, did you even get a thank you for taking time out to bring her to cinema??

I watched that film in the 80s when I was a child and was terrified. I had nightmares for ages. I’d never watch it again. Poor child 😣

I was 7 in 1982 when this movie came out. I remember being taken to see it with my whole class. Complete with some kind of creepy walk through with all the puppets on show. It was definitely a bit scary and creepy and weird. I probably had a few nightmares afterwards. But would I have dreamt of asking to be taken out of the cinema? No way. Did I (or any of the group) cry? Nope. Has it scarred me for life? No.
I honestly despair over how no one is able or expected to put up with any level of discomfort these days. Life is not always comfortable folks. Dealing with stuff is how we learn and grow and become resilient. And it’s how we sort the important stuff from the overreaction. Avoidance of things that must people are fine with is not healthy.