SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

I’d be pretty frustrated that my sil chose the film for me to take her daughter to and then got mad at me that I took her daughter to it! I wouldn’t take my 7yo to that as he’d be scared. Perhaps you should have taken her out, I find it hard to tell which was the right thing to do as my 7yo would have been loudly ruining it for everyone in the theatre until I took him out so if he’d settled back down I’d have known it was fine and kept him there.
To sil: im sorry she was scared, she settled back down and I thought that as you’d chosen the movie you knew she’d be ok with it. Lesson learned! Subtitle : I won’t take her out again.

If a child is repeatedly saying they are scared, you take them out, reassure them and leave if they are don't want to stay.

My dc watched all of one minute before star wars before we had to leave.
Making a child stay when they are terrified is cruel.

Hmm, this wasn't genuine 'I'm scared 😳' comments. It was whingy, in between trying to chat to me constantly. I had to remind her ( she isotherwise very lovely and great to chat to as she's very clever), we can't talk in cinemas as people are trying to watch their film

If I'd seen genuine discomfort or upset I'd have taken her out

You ignored a child telling you they were scared everything else is irrelevant tbh YABU

How would you feel if another adult ignored your dc telling them they felt unsafe?

She wasn't terrified. That is why I was a bit miffed when she told her mum that. As I said, she told me twice she was scared. That was it, and then looked quite bored then rest of the time

Perhaps at times she did feel a little scared but terrified? Definitely not

Wow she's a CF then.

Don't take her kid anywhere ever again. I've never heard of parents demanding you ring their child.

Do not take that child out again. Or look after her on your own. Leave your SIL to it with her own child. If she asks you to babysit, just say “too much scope for misunderstanding - better not”. Don’t get involved with it all.

Please again look at my OP. Within the first 5 minutes she told me about being scared (straight after just chatting away when I said we had to be quiet). And then again another 5 mins later.

Then nothing. The entire film nothing but a few giggles as she thought some of the characters were funny looking

Until the end credits, when we were leaving, she said she was terrified (because the screen went black)

I think YABU, she told you she was scared twice, you should have left.

She sounds annoying. I'd phone and apogise saying I didn't realise she was frightened. I'd remind my SIL it was her movie choice and you had the baby settled and it was a nice day you thought. Then I wouldn't take her out again.

My DD has watched that film a few times. Some kids can hack it, some can't. Tell your SIL sorry and never take her DD out again. I can feel the undercurrent of what you're saying and just shudder Good luck!😄

She clearly didn't like it when it was dark.

Honestly from what you've told us you and SIL are both being unreasonable and ridiculous.

i hope you aren’t this dismissive with your own dcs feelings…
children often try and be ‘brave’ when they are actually scared

you sound like you don’t like you niece or SIL so use this opportunity to create some distance

I think YABU because you DID know she was scared. You just thought she had no reason to be. Fear triggers are pretty irrational. I'm terrified of balloons and never forget my grandma telling me 'they won't hurt you' and forcing me to stay in a room full of them at a party. I was about 5 and the memory is very clear nearly 50 years later.
I get it was annoying for you, but I do think you should have taken her out.
As for apologies, there's no need to make a big deal of it as on the off chance your niece was 'playing you' you'll feed into that.
I'd let it go but if you take her out again make sure everyone fully understands what to expect.

My 8 year old Would have been frightened you are being unreasonable and should apologise.

I remember the dark crystal scaring me silly as a child. I love it as an adult. I think I would have taken a scared 7 year old out. It’s not just being scared at the time, it’s the possibility of nightmares afterwards as well

I can’t see why you can’t use a bit of common sense and humility. The movie was obviously scary for a 7 year-old so for goodness sake just have a chat to her with her mum and say you both made a mistake and sorry she was scared. Why the big deal. We all make mistakes.

Makes you wonder if this is some kind of late reaction to covid lockdown and all the talk of death etc for 2 years. I do wonder how it will affect children in the years to come.
They were locked up for 2 years and told it was dangerous to go outside and then suddenly exposed to big crowds and things they are not used to. I find SiLs huge over reaction very worrying. Hysterics, floods of tears etc. All of which will be rubbing off on her daughter everyday. She should have sat her down and had a rational conversation with her about why she was scared.

I think you staying through the movie was a bad call. I took my niece to a disney movie when she was 6, she was scared from the start and we left before the movie started. Which was annoying (we lived an hour away from the cinema). Your later messages seem to be underplaying it, but still acknowledge she was scared? You should have left the cinema. And your SIL choosing the movie shouldn't mean your niece has to sit through it.

I think you should have taken niece out of the movie the second time she said she said she was scared. Every child has a different tolerance. Giggling at some of it doesn’t mean she wasn’t scared.

Who is asking for the apology, SIL or niece? I think SIL should be the one to apologise to her daughter, as she is the one one who wanted her dd to see the film.

This seems like a power play on SIL’s part.

In the description it says there are scenes of torture. Really? For a 7 yr old? As an adult, I walk out/switch off for anything like that. I really don't want to normalise it. Enough horrible stuff happens in real life, without fantasising about it!

SIL is being weird though and giving opposing messaging. Poor choice of film and shifting all responsibility on to you.

Unsure why that would be your first choice of film to take young children to!! I doubt she will want to go to the cinema again for a while!

This

Until the end credits, when we were leaving, she said she was terrified (because the screen went black)

You sound a bit dismissive here, OP. It’s reasonable for a 7yo to be scared after a film like that when the room goes dark.