SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

Jeez. I'm scared and creeped out by Dark Crystal.
Usually I'd be on your side but that film is seriously weird

@Aubriella If a child is a little upset by a film it might be appropriate to take a break and try again if they want to. But if it has caused sobbing and hysteria would you not just leave it rather than risk them getting that distressed again? That’s what I disagree with. The level of upset that’s acceptable before you call it a day.

That's a very odd way to see things.
Lots of people (adults and children) would stop watching a movie if they found it too scary or unpleasant.
You don't get a medal for sitting through something horrible.
Children especially often have nightmares after viewing something scary or inappropriate - and it might not always be something an adult would assume would upset them.
You seem to think making children watch something that upsets them is somehow beneficial or good for their development?

I would absolutely agree with you if the movie in question were a 12, 15 or 18. But this is a movie aimed at kids. The vast majority of kids will be fine with it. Therefore, I’d say it’s entirely appropriate to help that child towards a behaviour that is age appropriate.

Yep.
I can’t get over how many people on this thread are claiming they were “terrified” of a kids film 🫤

Totally inappropriate for a sensitive 7 year old. You should apologise to both mother and daughter and pre agree what you are going to see next time

As SIL told you to take her to see that film, YANBU. I wouldn’t apologise or take her out again though (at least to the cinema and, if you’re providing free childcare, that should be scaled right back).

As has been stated multiple times, this film is a PG, not a U. Many people have described elements of it that are quite disturbing. Why are you so adamant that a 7 year old should be ok with it?!

PG stands for Parental Guidance. This means a film is suitable for general viewing, but some scenes may be unsuitable for younger children. A PG film should not disturb a child aged around eight or older. Parents should consider whether the content might upset younger or more sensitive children.

As has been stated multiple times, this film is a PG, not a U. Many people have described elements of it that are quite disturbing. Why are you so adamant that a 7 year old should be ok with it?!

PG stands for Parental Guidance. This means a film is suitable for general viewing, but some scenes may be unsuitable for younger children. A PG film should not disturb a child aged around eight or older. Parents should consider whether the content might upset younger or more sensitive children.

you can deny it all you like I clarified my statement to your liking so why the hell are you still going on about it?

There are absolutely no grounds for you to agree or disagree slightly or entirely as I am speaking from my personal experience about what worked when my children were that age and you're not in a position to judge whether it was or was not the right thing to do at that time for my children who are now well adjusted, empathetic and courageous in all kinds of ways.

FYI I've never forced them to do anything if they said they were too scared but - as with most parents - have assessed on a case by case basis and figured out what the issue is. Sometimes it has just needed reassurance, sometimes talking through, and sometimes they just really can't cope - for whatever reason. That's normal parenting I would have thought. It isn't always possible to know what will scare a child. The key thing is knowing your own child and understanding when their fear is a temporary wobble, or when it's more deep-seated.

“You seem to think making children watch something that upsets them is somehow beneficial or good for their development?”

@Connie2468 I don’t understand this either. Various people have stressed the importance of supporting kids to deal with their fears. I totally agree with this if we are talking about things that can’t be avoided or a skill that is important (such as swimming). I can’t see how it applies to this situation. Thrill seeking activities such as scary films, rollercoasters etc. are not everyone’s cup of tea. Plenty of adults avoid them yet still live a full life. I asked in a previous thread how making this child sit through a film she wasn’t enjoying benefitted her. Unsurprisingly, no one has answered that question. The only thing that has been mentioned is that leaving the cinema mid film is an inconvenience to others! So it seems it’s less about the needs of the individual child and more about getting her to conform to what those around her want.

(And before anyone starts, I realise that children will encounter situations where they need to compromise. I don’t think this was one of those situations.)

Jurassic Park is a PG film aimed at kids - should no children have found that too scary either?
What about Princess Bride? I saw that as a child and had nightmares about the torture scene.
Just because the majority of older children should be ok to watch a PG, doesn't mean younger or more sensitive children will be or that scaring or upsetting them is good for their development.

While I don't think OP handled the subsequent situation well, when it came to what they were viewing it was the girl's mum who picked it.

I'm an adult and I don't watch adult films that feature a lot of rape, gore or torture. It doesn't seem to have stunted my development that I don't want to watch the Saw movies despite them being aimed at adults and lots of adults enjoy them.

This whole argument seems to be about making children 'tough it out' or hide their feelings, it's weird parenting at best

I can remember years ago going with my auntie, my brother, her 3 kids and 2 other cousins to see 101 Dalmatians.

One of my cousins got scared by Cruella de Ville and started crying. My auntie took her straight out and back home.

I was left in charge of all the other kids!

@justmaybenot You really don’t need to justify yourself to me. I’m allowed to disagree in that I would take a slightly different approach in the situation you described. What you did worked for you so all good. 🙂

@Connie2468 Maybe if you forced yourself to sit through a few horror films it would open up a new world and you would find fulfilment beyond your wildest dreams… or you might just feel a bit sick and then have nightmares. But you never know unless you try, right? 🤷‍♀️😂

I think you ABU I’m afraid. The dark crystal could be really scary for a child that age. You should have taken her out. I think you should apologise and move on x

Dark Crystal still terrifies me as an adult, and I refuse to watch the new Netflix version.
Sounds like you ignored your nieces feelings because you wanted to stay tbh. A few moments of laughter doesn't mean she wasn't terrified and doesn't mean she won't be having nightmares for weeks.

You're the adult and she's 7. Just suck it up and apologise FFS!

I was kind of on your side until this…!

Dark Crystal still scares the bejeezus out of me! Shudder YABU.

Talk of death and Locked up for 2 years??? Did you put your children into some weird POW camp?

My DS loved lockdown. Living at home, finished school online by lunch time, endless gaming and playing outdoors the rest of the time. Taught himself 2 languages too.

Wrong. I do have children, along with nieces, nephews and godchildren. Great relationships with them all however there is one who is whiny, attention seeking and doesn't do as they're told when I take them out. I now don't take that niece out. Or rather not anywhere as much as i used to.

I have her over for tea and to play at mine with my children, but not days out as its just too much hard work. Still love her, have a good relationship with her however it isn't fair on the other children if we have to cut trips short due to her misbehaviour, nor on me who ends up stressed while trying to enjoy a nice day with the kids. So I simply don't do days out ie zoo, soft etc play with her any more.

^it's also not one isolated occasion at the cinema according to the OP, she has form for this type of behaviour.

IMO you are in the wrong here. Your reply to you SIL was “I didn’t think she (the small child) was serious”! Face it your DD was fine and you didn’t want to leave despite a little child saying on two occasions that she was scared. I would have been seriously pissed-off if it had been my child and I expect you too would have been if it had been your DD 🙄