SIL wants me to apologise to her DD

[cheathimsilly]

I took her DD to a film whilst my DS was at school. It was a baby friendly showing, to be specific here. My own (baby) DD came along

I bought sweets along but she wanted popcorn and I fancied some too, so we got a large popcorn and a drink to share

Within 15 minutes of the show starting, she said she was scared. I said it's fine, there's a lot of funny stuff. Sit tight and enjoy her treats etc

She said again 5 minutes later, I don't like it, I'm scared. I said please will you just give it a try? Low and behold, 5 minutes later she's giggling at some of the film and fine for the rest of it

Then the credits came up, and she said she was terrified! I said what of? She said the screens gone black

My niece is 7.

pickle

You are scarily out of touch.

You obviously know nothing about kids. Of course being scared of a scared movie at 7 is appropriate.

@Kellie45

That poster was referring to an adult

Read context before commenting ffs

@pickledpotato Have you seen it? It has some pretty dark themes. Genocide, for example. Plus disturbing scenes such as a character getting stripped and banished. Proper family fun right there. I’d think twice about letting my daughter watch it and she doesn’t scare easily. Just because it’s for kids doesn’t mean it can’t be scary. Ever seen Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? The Child Catcher has been the star of many a nightmare I’m sure! Need I remind you the child we are talking about is only 7?

“When children have inappropriate emotional reactions…”

No, the poster was referring to the child.

There are lots of scary children's films! She's 7 - it's totally appropriate for a 7 year old to be scared at a scary PG.

One of my siblings was absolutely terrified of Jurassic Park when we went to see it at the cinema. My dad had to take him out and miss seeing the movie with the rest of us.
A waste of money but it would have been totally wrong to make a small child watch something that frightens them.

She looked bored because she was disconnected due to fear. YABVU and the lest you could you is explain to this to your sis and dn. People make mistakes it’s not the end of world. Refusing to see you got it wrong it an issue.

Age 8 or 9, DS's friend sat in my lap during Paddington 1 because he was frightened. We laugh about it now he's 15, but if he'd asked to leave I certainly would've taken him out.

Oh wow, Dark Crystal is definitely scary! The skeksis and when they suck the life out of the little people! It really disturbed me when I was kid.

And when the poor long leg things get attacked and fall off the cliff! And the spider things!

@Whoactuallythinksthat I’m sure the 47 year old PP would be fine if she watched it. I watched a lot of scary films when I was young because my best friend’s mum didn’t monitor what we watched and her older brother was really into horror films. I didn’t want to watch them but went along with it so as not to seem like a wimp in front of my friends. Some of them really disturbed me. I’m sure they wouldn’t be scary if I watched them now but I wouldn’t choose to do it because I remember how they made me feel at the time. Had I waited until I was more mature I doubt they would have affected me nearly as much. Had I not watched them at all they wouldn’t have affected me at all. So basically, I think the exact opposite of what you said!

Bit much for a seven year old, not nice for her feelings to be ignored either.

A waste of money but it would have been totally wrong to make a small child watch something that frightens them.

The voice of reason. It's not really rocket science...

I didn't. I said if they were hysterical then I'd take them out and if, after a chat, they wanted to try again we would. It happened a few times with one of my children. Once or twice they were too upset and we just left, other times they tried again and stayed.

You’re actually correct in saying that being scared of a scary movie isn’t an inappropriate emotional reaction. Scary movies are intended to scare. The inappropriate reaction is not being able to cope with that and needing to leave.

Thats a very different scenario. Presumably the movies you were watching were not age appropriate and you had no parental supervision or support whilst watching them.
I’m also intrigued by how you’re sure that the 47 yr old pp would be fine watching the movie now…..when she specifically said she wouldn’t.

“The inappropriate reaction is not being able to cope with that and needing to leave.”

@Whoactuallythinksthat If you started watching a film and really weren’t enjoying it would you continue? When something is supposed to be fun but you aren’t enjoying it the sensible thing to do is stop. Apply your logic to a few other scenarios and you soon get into pretty dangerous territory. Is it really a good idea to teach a young girl to ignore her feelings and just continue to do what she is asked?

The child told you she was scared. She effectively withdrew her consent, but you ignored that and forced her to stay. If this was adult on adult behaviour nobody would be saying it's ok.

@Whoactuallythinksthat a more extreme version of a similar scenario. The Dark Crystal is not suitable for younger kids. It’s a PG, not a U so not necessarily appropriate for a 7 year old (would depend on the individual child). The films I watched were worse, but I was older than seven. I doubt having an adult sitting next to me saying “it’s ok, keep watching and eat your popcorn” would have made any difference. Perhaps if I had been able to talk through it afterwards that would have helped but there’s nothing to say that’s happening with this little girl. I hope it does because there are some dark themes in that film that probably need unpicking.

I just assumed pp was exaggerating. Haven’t re read the post. I can’t imagine she is genuinely unable to watch the film.

I find asking what is scaring ds helps, and then Iay be able to allay those fears.

I’ve already quoted exactly what you said. You can deny it all you like but it’s there in black and white. The way you worded it initially sounded awful. Now that you’ve elaborated I understand where you’re coming from but still don’t agree entirely.

She didn't say she would take a sobbing, hysterical child back into the film St twisting her words. She said

If one of my DCs had said they felt scared at the start of a film, then unless they were being completely hysterical I would also have asked them to wait a few minutes, and then if they seemed to be enjoying it would have thought they got over the fear. Nothing to apologise for!

Please never become a journalist @alwaysdarkestbeforedawn

That’s not the quote I’m talking about.

“If they were full-on sobbing and hysterical obviously I wouldn't force them to stay but I might take them out and have a chat and then try again. I'd think that's pretty normal parenting.”

Taking child back into the film that caused sobbing and hysteria after having a chat. I appreciate the child is no longer hysterical when they go back in and can see how my comment wasn’t clear on that point. My objection is that she is ok with returning them to the source of such stress instead of accepting that the film isn’t for them.