Would you attend a wedding and not even give a card ?

[bridezilllaaaa]

I got married not long ago. I had around 90 guests.

I had a card box on display, but noticed that around 20 guests didn't even give us a card.

I didn't have a present list or anything like that. The invitation specified that no presents were required, but if people did want to give something, then cash would be appreciated. (Worded much nicer than that ).

I definitely didn't expect money from everyone, but perhaps a card ?

We gave wedding favours etc. We had no distinction between evening and day guests etc. We just had everyone join us for the entire day.

This is a weird thing to do!
Why should people make a donation to a charity just because you got married & are super rich?! Wtf?!

I think it’s really rude to not give a card - for your wedding, the cards are something you might keep as a lovely memento so those people won’t be included in that which is a shame.

I feel like you are being such woman about it all.

You say " no presents required"but then get offended if the guests don't being anything ...

Thats like saying "no honey i don't want presents for Valentine's day"but then we he gets you nothing (not even a card) you are offended

Sorry but no. You said no presents required

And i personalmente, would have still given you something. But i think it is very fair when people decide to give you nothing as YOU YOURSELF said it was ok

So yeah. This is on you

I feel like you are being such woman about it all.

You say " no presents required"but then get offended if the guests don't being anything ...

Thats like saying "no honey i don't want presents for Valentine's day"but then we he gets you nothing (not even a card) you are offended

There’s nothing like a sexist generalisation to start the day

I am surprised people keep track of who didn't give anything, this seems tacky . I had a list of presents for thank yous , never noticed about cards. Just enjoyed opening those we received and grateful people attended.

Did people have to pay out a lot for the wedding? Like did people have to fork out for staying overnight etc? This may have played a part in people not having the money to give.

Also if the 90 guest were made up with families and couples getting 20 cards might cover around half the guest rather than just a fraction.

Why a card? In this day and age people send emails, texts and messages. Plus cards have environmental impact. I'm guessing you really mean they didn't give you money!

If you want gifts, have a gift list - saying no gifts then asking for money is so tacky! I personally don't want gifts and I mean it, no cash either.

Our wedding was the same, we put the same little rhyme on the invite that everyone has about basically giving cash because we don’t need house things! And 2 people came with no card or anything I just think it’s fucking rude. I’m Irish and honestly you’d never be able to show your face in society again if you came to a wedding with anything less than 150 in a card never mind coming with your arms swinging!

Also it’s the absolute norm to ask for money in the place of gifts these days. Couples live together they don’t need the traditional gifts. Weddings are expensive, generally costs £75 per head and up! So not tacky, just a change that’s happened with this generation, anyone that’s saying they genuinely wouldn’t want anything from a guest like a card/present/money is just up on their high horse. And if they really mean it then you are a better person than I am 🤣

In my experience (and I'm middle aged) cards were originally sent by people who couldn't make the wedding but want to send their best wishes, and are read out at the reception by the best man. (It's actually a 'thing' to read out cards from
absentees who can't attend)

So I think there might be a lot of people who have been raised with this traditional viewpoint. Why would you need to 'send' a card when you're actually there?

You sound very generous, shame on your rude guests.

We did the no presents thing, we genuinely meant it, most people gifted us money and some chose nothing all fine….except one person who gave us nothing and I’m still cross about it.

One of my oldest friends I was her bridesmaid and godmother to her children, over the years I have spent a fortune on her: hen do, spa day, wedding present, new baby presents, christening presents, childrens birthday and Christmas presents. I didn’t expect much but just wanted some small gesture to acknowledge my big life event like I had acknowledged all her multiple life events. I remember going out after the wedding to buy photo frames for the wedding photos and thinking how they couldn’t even buy me a cheap bloody photo frame. It’s really petty but it hurt my feelings and bought into focus the one way nature of our friendship.

if it’s someone important to you who and they make zero gesture on your wedding day it can really hurt.

Because I got married 100 years ago and we were setting up our home we had a gift list. If you want my presence rather than presents but will take cash what do couples do with the £££? Do you just put it in the bank as savings? Buy something specific as a gift from all your guests? Pay off debt? Get the next month’s food shop? Some couples specify the honeymoon but what about others?

Ok, so you didn't genuinely mean it, did you? You did want gifts?
I'm finding all this confusing.

You said no presents and it’s clear that 20 people took you at your word…. Let it go.

I wouldn't worry about this. Some people don't like to bring something physical on the actual day and prefer to do something more personal later, or forget/are too busy, or as others have said prefer to avoid the waste. People have their own reasons for these things but they made the effort to attend and that's the important thing.

We did the no presents thing, we genuinely meant it, most people gifted us money and some chose nothing all fine….except one person who gave us nothing and I’m still cross about it.
So you "genuinely meant it" except in relation to one person who was meant to read your mind and realise the clear no presents instruction meant for everyone else except her? How can you be passed off with someone who just followed your instructions. If you want presents don't say you don't.

I've done this, unintentionally but I have. I repeatedly asked where the box was. No one seemed to know. I left with the card and still have it.

When we got married we specifically asked our guests not to bring gifts, cards or money. Our home was set up, we didn't need anything and we wanted to keep financial pressures for guests to a minimum. Some elderly relatives did insist and came with a gift any way. I requested to stop receiving cards a long time ago for environmental and storage reasons. I'm sentimental and can't get rid of them.

I said no presents required and I meant it. So I genuinely couldn't tell you who gave me a present and who didn't. Cards I didn't keep, unless they were homemade (I think I've got two of them, the rest went in the recycling). I don't like cards, they're environmentally damaging, but people are weird about desperately wanting to give them to other people, so I don't say anything irl. But I do prefer a text or just a verbal thanks, it's more personal and means more.

But rude? Nah - I think killing the planet is ruder, but I'm not going to pretend it's an actual rule because that's what I think!

Can I ask, is this about cards alone (separately from gifts) or is it about cards containing gifts?

I'm over 50 and I've never taken a card to a wedding in my entire life. Literally never occurred to me that it was necessary. I've always given gifts though.

I'm asking because I'm going to a wedding next week, have already transferred a cash gift and now wondering if I need to get a card!

(I'm no fan of cards personally which is why it's never occurred to me that anyone cares about them in themselves... for me they're basically a name tag on a gift)

Our wedding was about 3 years ago and although we did say gifts weren't necessary, those who didn't give gifts or a card were all the more useless single men .... and most of them are still single now!
I just don't think it crosses their mind.

Sorry but if someone puts a stupid rhyme in the invite pretending they don’t want gifts because all they want is money, they can get to f@ck if they think I’m giving them cash.

Weddings are so tacky and transactional now 🤮

YABU

If you said your presence is all that is required then that will be what people understood. Caveating it with effectively " we don't mean it really, we'd like a gift" is poor protocol to your guests.

Then judging them because they were expected to be mindreaders and re-interpret what you really meant is pretty mean to family and friends who've shown up, spent money to dress nicely and travel to your venue etc.

No rhyme actually. Not transactional at all either. I've been invited to about 10 weddings in the last few years and every single invitation stated a very similar thing to mine. I gave money every single time. No one thought the couple was tacky or it was transactional. It's just what most people do nowadays as people tend to already live together. What's wrong with giving someone a gift / money / a card anyway ? It's what you do at weddings / birthday parties / christenings / when you're invited over to someone's house for dinner.