Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

It is pretty standard that school clubs and extra curriculars like music lessons begin in the second week of term. Your question could have been directed to the school office rather than sent direct to the music teacher. Your message isn't really a question, it is accusatory and aggressive. I'm not surprised she's asked you to go back to using the official channels.

You were rude and she answered your question.

Sounds like you embarrassed yourself because you were in the wrong and now are trying to flip it on to her.

Email back and apologise for your DDs sake.

The violin teacher feels that you have reported to her to her employer, The Music Service. She feels you should have contacted her via WhatsApp either before or after the lesson to check whether it was scheduled to run rather than reporting her first of all. She feels that she was builfing a rapport with you via WhatsApp but at the first hint of anything wrong, you have decided to take a formal route to complain. She is now covering her back by ensuring that all correspondence with you is via the music service too. You have marked yourself out as a difficult parent and breached her trust.

You were incredibly rude. At least she's out the boundary in place now for no more communication via WhatsApp. Good for her

But it’s not stopping feedback, it’s just using different channels. Music service email rather than directly WhatsApp parents

Oh wow, that's rude. How can you not see this?

As in Asian, born and raised in Asia or British Asian, not lived in Britain for long?
From how good your English is, I doubt anyone would believe you didn’t know an exclamation mark in the context is rude.

You can’t refuse to give feedback on an 8 year old student on the basis of the fact that her mother thought lessons started a week earlier than they did. It’s totally unprofessional.

A teacher who would be this unprofessional is not likely to be much good.

I think what you mean is “Just how British are you?”

Yep. REALLY rude.

Yep. Sums it up. You were entirely in the wrong, so she wants any interaction between you both to be monitored.

Both of you were rude. Try being nice and the world will seem less hostile.

On the current channel is what I was referring to. Emails are more distant and less direct. It’s a very petulant thing to do.

Considering you were rude as fuck I don’t blame her.

You see I don't think it is particularly rude - direct and to the point yes. Do we have to do the 'We thought there was a lesson today, have I misunderstood the arrangements?'

Firstly, I'm surprised she'd rather be bombarded with calls from parents to ask the schedule, rather than just sending all parents a generic email or letter or even handing their child a print out of the lesson schedule. Everyone's time would not have been wasted with better communication.

Secondly, your email does show annoyance with the '!' but it is to the point. I interpret the offense she felt as OTT but then most neurotypical professional women who are used to office speak are used to being pussy-footed around and expect pretty and nice ways of wording which I will never have come naturally to me.

I managed to become a good player with feedback given directly to me, and notes for practising written in a notebook that I took to lessons. Is WhatsApp or an e-mail really necessary?

The original text sounded accusatory.

Any form of actually asking a question to clarify the issue is much less rude than the OP's email.

She’s probably meant to do it all via email and the music website anyway but when she likes people she what’s apps direct.

since the op was rude as fuck you can’t blame her for going via the website.

I think what you mean is “Just how British are you?” yup coming over here exclaiming all over the place and speaking English!!!! I mean it’s just impossible to comprehend.

I expect that is what the violin teacher is hoping OP will do.

OP, you were aggressive and rude. You also incorrectly accused her of skipping lessons. I used to have a parent like this who regularly misread communications, then got angry (block caps and !!!!!!) and never apologised. I didn’t have much respect for him. The kid was nice though.

The OP’s English isn’t good, though. I did think from the outset that there might be some cultural misunderstanding on levels of politeness.

There’s some really snobby posts here about the quality of instrumental teachers in state schools.

My niece and nephew both receive instrumental lessons in run down primaries in not a great area and their teachers are amazing. Always giving positive feedback to parents, helping them perform in school assemblies and generally boosting their confidence not just with their instrument but as individuals.

surely instrumental teachers who work in state schools are just as qualified as those who work in the private sector?

Unfortunately your email does come across as a bit shitty and sharp. I can see why she would think "cheeky cow", however I totally agree that she should've just written back politely.

Although I do get that she wanted to write back in a bit of a shitty tone 🙈

I don’t know what country in Asia, but I have witnessed the way people in some Asian countries speak to the domestic staff or maids that are so much more common there. To British people, it would come off as spectacularly rude. But if you come from one of these countries, that definitely explains your comment here about the paid worker needing to be polite to the paying customer’.

The teacher is not your servant or maid. And if you had a servant or maid in the UK, you would be expected to speak politely to them as well, even though you are the one paying.