Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

Good god is this for real? You were rude to her as you deemed her worth less than she is , and now you know she’s accomplished you want to apologise.

what a horrible way to behave.

Sometimes you do get less accomplished musicians teaching in schools (or teaching instruments they're less accomplished on) — they might only teach up to a certain grade, but if they can get your child reading music, learning some basic theory, and interested in progressing then that's fantastic too! They can then go on to a more specialist teacher.

You should have said hello first, and kind regards or thanks at least at the end.

If its via a music service then the teacher is giving them a cut of her pay to sort it out. The problem is with the admin person/team.

Yep. Self-employed music teachers have to do all the admin themselves (with varying degrees of professionalism in my experience!) But the Music Service are the ones to blame here, not the teacher.

What a delight you are. Hopefully she ditches you. A shame for your daughter but a consequence of having a parent like you.

OP what's really shocking about your attitude isn't particularly the initial rudeness (it was rude, but it could have been put down to cultural differences or having a bad day or whatever).

It's your admission that had you realised she'd been any good you'd have made a point of being more careful to be polite. This actually made my flesh crawl a bit.

Everyone is entitled to respect and courtesy, whether they are a virtuouso or a crapping jobbing violin teacher (if there is such a thing). You not only seem to have a "smile up, shit down" mentality but you openly admit it on a chat board with strangers as if this justifies your behaviour.

Really shocking. And my DD goes to a private school full of entitled parents like you so I am not unaccustomed to this sort of behaviour. It comes across in your post that you struggle to respect people who consider "beneath" you so I won't bother repeating that even lowly people deserve respect. It's worth being aware, though, that treating people you consider "beneath" you has a nasty habit of coming back and biting you on the behind.

I don't think the music teachers responses were rude at all? Perhaps you were annoyed that she challenged you.

Cringing at the fact that you may have chosen your words more carefully had you known how accomplished she is...in other words you treat people you think are beneath you or unworthy like shit.

Lovely.

This is such a common misapprehension. If it's a fourteen-week term and you've paid for ten lessons then you should expect there to be some weeks (i.e. four) without lessons.

Are you sure you haven't been given information by the music service about when lessons would start and how many there would be per term?

I actually can’t get over your total disrespect for her and her career. You’re acting like she’s a pret employee (although they also deserve respect!) and you don’t seem to have any concept of the hours, years and decades of work it took her to reach her current position.

Someone wise once said 'Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to swallow them'.

I think it applies here. Kind of a more emotive way of saying 'Be nice to people on the way up, you may meet them on the way down'.

surely instrumental teachers who work in state schools are just as qualified as those who work in the private sector?

It's very common for instrumental teachers to work in primary and secondary, state and independent, and also privately in people's homes or in their own home/studio and for music services out of school hours.

Yes, of course they are not all excellent, but you can't reliably infer how commited or well-qualified or virtuoso they are simply from where they teach.

Why would you presume it’s down to the music teacher to communicate this when lessons are arranged via the local music service? Quite often peri teachers are not even told where they will be teaching until the first week of term when work comes in and time tables are finalised.

the only thing that’s ridiculous is your pompous attitude. Maybe you should have a word with yourself

Upthread I felt that the music teacher overreacted and shouldn't have blocked you, however after this post, I am seeing it very differently.

I totally agree she’s running a business not applying to be besties! She could have reminded you lessons don’t start till the second week but that if there are any changes she’ll keep you updated. To stop communicating is ridiculous, and well over the top. She’s clearly neurotic.

Why should the music teacher remind the parent of each pupil?

They are sent or can get the schedule from the music service, thats not the music teachers job!

Send DD with apology card to next lesson?

I don't understand why you assumed that her lesson would be on the same day as it was last year.
How young is your daughter for you not to have realised school timetables change every year.

She doesn’t have to do the personal communications at all - this was a nice touch, not a necessity. She chose to do it and now it’s clear that op is a dick she no longer wants to give herself extra work being kind to her.

They are sent or can get the schedule from the music service, thats not the music teachers job! which is perfectly reasonable IF that has been communicated to you. If not you have paid for a service that hasn’t materialised and DON’T KNOW how you are supposed to proceed.

Do you find that you offend a lot of people more generally, OP?

You were rude. Exclamation marks were completely unnecessary

What an incredibly gross comment @JustAnotherOpinion21
Reported

Surely parents know how to use the phone or send an email if they’re unsure? That’s what most people would do. You seem quite entitled