Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

No, you were really rude. And now you've soured the relationship.

No - you were really rude. Properly rude.

I expect the teacher wanted to tell you to fuck off!

There was no change to the schedule, you were just wrong.

Nope. She teaches loads of kids and is probably fed up with rude parents like you.

Just so you know, that is not a question. It is rude though.

It's also a bit off to go via the music service when you've been communicating with her directly via WhatsApp. You formalised what had previously been a more relaxed, friendly relationship. The outcome is you've now lost that friendly relationship.

I'd apologise to her and explain that you don't understand how questions work and hadn't actually meant it to be rude.

But surely it’s unprofessional to be anything other than polite and courteous to paying customers?

Chalk this one up to the consequences of your own actions op.

Is it not common knowledge that extra lessons and activities all start back week 2?

No, I don't think it is. Particularly if it's your first/only child and you haven't been through the system before.

You were rude, and I would imagine that your email has changed the dynamic of the relationship going forward.

You were impolite. I would apologise and try to get her onside

The customer isn’t always right. Being polite and courteous works both ways.

Nope.

You seem very lacking in self awareness, OP. Are you going to apologise to her?

You haven't given her exact response, just 'along the lines of...'.

What exactly was her response?

How so? You were rude, why would she want to engage with you again?

Wow that is vvvvvvvv rude. Reread it op. How you feel if someone wrote that to you. However sounds like relationship is damaged too much now so maybe find another teacher

I had also said that I was concerned that a couple of lessons had been missed at the end of last term, she was quick to respond with that’s how many weeks were on her schedule and if I am dissatisfied then I should take it up with the music service.

I only wanted a bit of communication! She sounds really defensive to me

No it's OK to have professional boundaries. I'm sure she has plenty of potential pupils to choose from, all with equal potential to your daughter and most with parents who would extend her common courtesy.

Sorry @Mrspeanuts you are not only unreasonable but also ridiculous.

This person is not your servant.

Listen to the responses you've had here. You're in the wrong, just send a nice apology and try to patch it up. Or cancel the lessons if you don't want their services.

Are people really so sensitive to an exclamation mark? The teacher could have just responded, apologies lessons don’t start until x, comms from now on including
schedule changes will be sent via email.

how hard is it to not rise to perceived rudeness?

But you get to be rude and discourteous to her? What a gross attitude. You’re not a feudal lord dealing with the peasantry. She doesn’t have to tolerate your nonsense. So, she’s choosing not to.

Yep, your message was blunt and rude and the exclamation mark makes it read like a demand.

Very ill judged on your part. I'm not at all surprised she's annoyed.

Do you have anyone able to help you to understand how adults generally communicate?

Ask OP. She is frothing about ‘perceived rudeness’. Advise her to rise above it.

You were rude. Poor woman doesn’t need to put up with that.

If you are employing her through a music service or suchlike then it's perfectly possible that their communication with you is atrocious, ours always was. But that's not her fault, she's just the teacher and you still need to be polite.

I organise this kind of stuff for kids & the number of messages I get like that - from parents who are in the wrong - is ridiculous.

If you weren’t sure when the lessons started you should have asked her (politely) before the scheduled day.

Just because you are paying her, she does not have to put up with you being rude. The customer is not always right.

Most after school stuff is over subscribed, she could probably replace you with a much more polite paying customer. If your daughter enjoys these lessons I would apologise for your rude comments & try to fix the relationship with the teacher.