Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

You sent a rude email op. She now wants to limit contact with you, which is understandable I guess.

I don't think your first message was particularly rude.

Any decent teacher would have sent a schedule reminder in late August, frankly.

Why were you that annoyed about it anyway? Your DD took her violin to school and there wasn't a lesson. Big deal - it's didn't put you out on any way It's not like you carted a harp to a venue and no one turned up. If lessons through a music service don't happen when they should (like the teacher is sick) then you'll get a refund at the end of term. I'm surprised that there isn't an online timetable for you to check as there is for our county's music service. Plus I would only expect feedback from the teacher at the end of term. She's gone above and beyond keeping you informed and you've been horrible!

Your first message was rude, your second message was rude. As a result she no longer wants to go above and beyond and communicate with you via WhatsApp instead of the official work email. Thats just tough really.

Hi OP, I am not here to have a go at you but I want to help.

I'm a music coach, and I would be annoyed at that message, and probably have been abrupt back. She might have been abused by parents before, it happens a lot, has happened to me and at the first sign of confrontation I tend to monitor things, and prepare to drop the student if I see it getting worse.

I don't work for agencies anymore because they take a huge cut so she might not appreciate them letting her field agro when she is giving them some of her wages to deal with it themselves and it sounds like the agency in question failed to inform you of the schedules, that should be their job really not hers.

If I were the teacher I'd be reassured if you messaged again, saying sorry for assuming, and that you will make sure to check in future, and that you didn't mean to sound irritated. She won't expect it but it will un-sour the relationship and you might get an apology back as well for not being given enough info, leading to better communication for all.

I don't think it's scorched earth yet, you can fix it with some simple humility. For your daughter, if not for you.

Yep.

The misunderstanding could very easily have been avoided.

Music teacher here.
You were rude.

That being said, I wouldn't have responded back rudely too. But I would have been passive aggressive. I don't communicate via WhatsApp with parents I'm not already friends with though, never a good idea.
Also if lessons are through the music service, she is told where to be and when. So if there's no lesson, she would assume the music service have told you that (and they should have, but often don't. )

I’d expect the teacher to give the information that the parent needed.
In the whole I would say manners in “Asian Countries” particularly to teaching staff were vastly superior to the uk, but there you go.

I said you weren’t being unreasonable but I see you used an exclamation mark and I would now say that yes you were the rude one! (Exclamation mark!)

OP I agree wit others that yes you need to apologise.

"I wrote ‘DD informed me there was no lesson Wednesday, I would appreciate it if you let me know any changes to the schedule!’"

Sure op. Sure....

How would you react if someone was rude to you? Would it be OK if the person was paying you? I suspect not.

Also if lessons are through the music service, she is told where to be and when. So if there's no lesson, she would assume the music service have told you that (and they should have, but often don't. ) so surely she could have said this. OP is not a mind reader and probably has multiple children with many activities plus her own work and clients to navigate. A little transparency goes a long way.

You were rude. I see a lot of this on WhatsApp class group chats - entitled parents demanding things rather than phrasing their questions politely, a certain abrasive, pushy tone that comes across really badly in a message.

What those parents don't realise is that they burn out the teachers, and other parents, who don't treat teachers like that, suffer the consequences because the teachers are defensive and set stronger boundaries against any communication at all.

It's so frustrating for parents who are also trying to get their kids through school to have these sharp elbowed mothers using up all the good will.

Manners matter.

When asked if you are British, you didn't answer the question. You weren't asked what your race is..

Anyway your message was rude. Don't send a grovelling message, she'll think you're a knob.

Why bother asking if you’ve been unreasonable when you won’t accept that you have been?

Your message was frightfully rude and the teacher replied accordingly.

From your op, it sounds like she was rude to you.

For those saying the teacher should have sent out a schedule, the teacher was working via a music service, so it was for the music service to liaise with the school and the school to inform parents of arrangements. The teacher has done nothing wrong. I'm currently liaising with DD's school about music lesson timetabling for the new term. No way I would drag her teacher in to it!

This, 100%

You were very rude, OP.

No, the teacher was rude first

You started it!

So rather than send a friendly message via WA you decided to basically message her with her bosses oversight and give her a bollocking. And now you wonder why she is frosty? Have a think love.
Next time someone goes over and above say 'thank you' and treat them with respect. "Hi! Hope you had a nice summer! I didn't realise there wasn't a lesson today, would you mind letting me know next time as I find it tricky to keep track. Thanks for all you do, peanut" in the WA group would have been more appropriate.
If I were her I would stop doing the 'free bits' I do in my own time - like messaging, and I would ensure all comms is thru the official email to prevent any more nonsense.

The teacher wasn't rude first. The OP was rude.

OP, it's not usual to put exclamation marks in personal correspondence unless it's very informal indeed.

So you have her number and the option to send a polite text asking when lessons are but instead decided to send an accusational email via her boss (which may well have caused her problems, or even endanger her job, if she's on probation or something). I'd be pissed with you aswell, and certainly wouldn't be going out of my way to do nice extras like whatsapp updates.