Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

You understand she's contracted by the music service via the school and not directly to you don't you? And that the music service set the schedules?

You will definitely have come across as rude.

OP obviously /didn't/ know about there being a schedule that differed from school terms. It's an understandable mistake to make if she's not familiar with the system and sees the lessons as being part of school - I know about music lessons but I can see OP thinking you don't miss a geography lesson because it's the first week, why would you miss a music lesson.

In fact she did email via music service, so someone at music service could also have picked up and said 'our schedule is here, lessons start back next week'.

OP phrased it in a way that came out rude, but if I was on the other end I'd have sent a deescalating response not a defensive one. And I'd have expected the customer to then respond oh how embarrassing, so sorry, I missed the email with the schedule. Or whatever.

Wow, you were really rude. I cannot believe you have said you would have acted differently if you knew she was as accomplished as she is. Unbelievable. You surely you treat everyone the same, cleaner to CEO.

All my DC had instrument lessons and I found the teachers so conscientious and caring. Music instrument teachers often combine permorming work with teaching work and provide a really unique service. Their lessons are completely tailor made for each pupil too.

I was particularly impressed by them during the pandemic how they immediately adapted to Zoom classes. That worked out so well 2 of mine are still having their lessons on Zoom (the 3rd is at uni).

It's sad how the OP treats others. "Paying customer" = slave/ servant? Regardless whether the person is a music instrument teacher, cleaner, lawyer, etc I think people should be treated with politeness and respect.

I don't think you were rude. I think things can be read the wrong way over text.

Of course it was rude, it was accusational, not a question at all

Your message WAS rude and accusatory.

I'm not surprised the teacher wants to dial things back to formal lines of communication after that.

Your message was rude. She just gave back the same energy

I promise you that people you admire and respect notice your rudeness to those you consider beneath you, and they are judging you for this. People you admire and respect pity you and feel disgust at your behaviour, though they will be too well-mannered to tell you so, and you are too oblivious to nuance to notice.

You could at least have put a Kind Regards in there somewhere OP.

@HeadacheEarthquake If its via a music service then the teacher is giving them a cut of her pay to sort it out. The problem is with the admin person/team. then the teacher should explain that and address the problem with the people SHE is paying to do the job.

@DuckeyDuck Why would you presume it’s down to the music teacher to communicate this when lessons are arranged via the local music service? because the music teacher is giving the lesson and is the point of contact the parent knows. I’m sure if she’d been told to send queries to the music service she would have.
Surely parents know how to use the phone or send an email if they’re unsure? That’s what most people would do. You seem quite entitled yes but the teacher had set up WhatsApp so why wouldn’t OP use that. I’m entitled to lots of things but I’m not sure in this context what your point is?

@55zeds @HeadacheEarthquake "then the teacher should explain that and address the problem with the people SHE is paying to do the job."

Yeah she probably did, as did the service, at the start of the contract a year ago but I'll be OP didn't bother to pay attention.

She's not paying them, they're creaming off the top of her fee, it's slightly different but they do need to be on top of it and it's not the violin teacher's job to monitor or manage them. Hence why I never work for them - they are parasites.

You wrote your message that way.

Had you written it along these lines, I don't think you would have had the responses you did from the teacher:

Hi <Teacher> (replace with their name)
DD thought there was a violin class after school on Wednesday but it turns out there wasn't. Would you be able to let me have a copy of the term schedule please so we don't make the same mistake again?
Many thanks,
Mrspeanuts

Same message - different responses I'd expect.

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar 😉 😉

Oh, and I'd send the teacher an apology for the possible misinterpretation of your message. You only need to include an exclamation point when you want to 'exclaim' or draw attention to something. They aren't generally used in a text/email message except if someone is exasperated or is shouting for attention.

Oh my
Good work

Why no lesson today?!!!!!
Thought it was every Wednesday? Obviously not!!!!

She has told you how she wants to deal with communications from you going forwards. I suggest you do that.

🤣🤣ok then

I think you made the situation much worse by answering back "Well I didn't know that" like a snap back from a mardy stroppy teenager.

And then you made it a WHOLE lot worse just now by saying you'd have been nicer to her if you'd realised how successful she was!

Good luck trying to climb out of this hole!

Yep rude. If I was the teacher I would have told you to get f’d..