Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

Your email was rude. Like you were talking to a servant rather than a fellow person. Your comment about being a 'paying customer' here is quite revealing too. I bet you click your fingers at waiters as well.

As Libertyqueen asked, are you British?

I work with people from various countries, and your style of communication to the music teacher might be perfectly acceptable in parts of, say, Eastern Europe where people are more blunt.

Don’t use exclamation marks or uppercase letters in adult communication, OP. It looks childish and rude. You will come across as more professional by avoiding these things.

Also, try phrasing messages as a question, leaving room to interpret that you know you may not have all the information. And add a thank you.

She has gone the extra mile by communicating with you via Whatsapp. If, as I understand it, the lessons are in school time, I would suggest that the normal route for a query would be via the school, who will know when the lessons are to be delivered. On average , it is usually ten per term.
Your statement infers that the violin tutor is at fault in some way. She has opened up an informal method of communication to enhance your daughter's experience and got a snotty message for her troubles.
You're precisely the reason why many teachers won't communicate with parents via emails/whatsapp.

To clarify, when I said don’t use exclamation marks or uppercase letters in adult communication, I meant messages composed all in uppercase, not uppercase at the start of sentences, of course.

She sounds really defensive to me

Defense is a natural response to aggression. You were so unprofessional and rude.

WRT 'surely you should always be polite ti paying customers' - one thing I absolutely love about having my own business and a full to bursting waiting list - is - no, not if they're rude to me. I have a banned list mostly based on the way the parents speak to me, mostly my response to these parents is 'sorry, I'm fully booked' regardless of whether I am or not.

But you don’t need to be polite or courteous to her because??

Don't worry, after listening to violin practice for a few more months you will probably be relieved when your DD tells you she wants to give it up!

(Sympathies with the lack of communication though).

So do you have a schedule, or not?
I suggest you do take it up with the music service.

You were rude. Teacher could have been the 'bigger person' but chose not to.
Apologising for your rudeness would be a good idea.

I think that there was some rudeness on both sides but, as you
messaged first, it was probably mostly down to you. I would have thought it might have occurred to you that instrumental lesson schedules might not be the same as same as the school term and therefore asked about this in your message. Equally, she could have more gently explained this in her message back to you. I’m also kind of surprised that a music service doesn’t send out a reminder about when lessons start again with other useful information (eg exam entry information, equipment guidelines etc).
Also, as you have already had a spat about missed lessons (which seems to have been a misunderstanding) I’m afraid you are probably “That parent”. Probably some repair work or a change of teacher needed. The

Bet you’re a private school mum too

Terrible email, then your comment about ‘paying customers’ just takes it to a new low. Find some class.

You were definitely the rude one Hahahaha

Do you not have access to the schedule?

Oh that old chestnut. Members of staff have to be polite to customers at all times while the customers have the absolute right to talk to them like shit

You’ve pretty much told her off, without her having made an error

No. It’ll be a state primary - because the lessons are through the music service.

Nah, she wasn't OTT she just wasn't taking any shit from you. Why would she when there's a shortage of violin teachers anyway.

Your message was a bit snippy but I don’t think it justifies the response of stopping feedback, that’s just unprofessional. I’d find another teacher.

'But surely it’s unprofessional to be anything other than polite and courteous to paying customers?'

Surely it's the job of a parent to facilitate a good working relationship with their child's teacher.....

In the same email? Oops.

You were rude. You could have asked a question rather than make the statement you sent.

It sounds like someone has missed sending you all the information about periapetic music lessons. They don't usually run for every week of the school year. Periapetic teachers sometimes take term time holiday too (depends on their contract).

Do you not have access to the schedule?
surely this is the issue and the teacher could have explained where and when the information is made available to parents. She chose instead to make communication harder. Poor practice.

I don’t know where in Asia you’re from but Chinese and HK Chinese in particular can be very direct, it’s a cultural thing.

I think her response was way OTT and unprofessional.

The quality of instrumental teachers in primary schools is fairly low. If she were good she’d have her own piano studio. If DD is keen I’d find someone else.

I am astonished both by how incredibly rude you have been, and your assumption that because you are paying for a service this rudeness is somehow acceptable. It absolutely is not. It is widely considered to be crass, unpleasant, and terribly bad form to treat people this way, especially when paying for a service effectively creates a power imbalance. Rather than giving you carte blanch to treat people badly, it imposes on you a responsibility to treat people well and with courtesy. You have majorly messed up, and need to take note.

It was unprofessional and it’s the job of the teacher to facilitate a good working relationship as much as the parent.

The professional response would simply have been to have explained that lessons start in the second week of term as it was the result of a misunderstanding.