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Original poster

Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

344 replies

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 15:31

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

OP posts:
NoFUturREforYOU · 10/09/2022 18:05

All your messages are rude.
Hers are professional and informative.
Id apologise if I were you. Fyi, your last message does not count as an apology.

TheBiggestSunflower · 10/09/2022 18:05

Ah, now I've seen the messages, I don't think she's been rude at all.
Reading between the lines, she is aware that you have been sent the schedule that details the number of lessons on it, and when they take place.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 10/09/2022 18:07

Blimey, you were very rude. No wonder she only wants to deal with you via the music services dept and by email.

As for this....
"But surely it’s unprofessional to be anything other than polite and courteous to paying customers?"

Her responses weren't unprofessional and she responded accordingly. So you think that you can dish out attitude to her and that she should suck it up as you're paying.

Glad I'm not teaching your kid.

surreygirl1987 · 10/09/2022 18:09

Yeh you were rude. So was she, but you initiated this.

NumberTheory · 10/09/2022 18:10

I think your initial message would rub a lot of people the wrong way and could have been more pleasantly worded. Her response was a bit direct in kind, which is not ideal for a professional. Your response to that was defensive and pretty rude, you through your hands in the air instead of acknowledging that your initial message was inappropriate given the circumstances. I can see why someone would responded negatively to it (though don’t think it’s a good way for a professional to respond). If you’d instead something like “Sorry, I hadn’t realised. Thanks for letting me know. DD’s looking forward to next week.” You’d probably be in good shape now.

It seems you’ve used up the little goodwill you had with the teacher and she’s going to do the bare minimum for you now. You could try messaging her to say something along the lines of - “Look, I’m really sorry about the tone of my previous messages. I do appreciate the hard work you do for DD and I have found the updates helpful. It wasn’t my intention to be rude, I’m sorry I upset you. I find the whole impersonal messaging difficult to navigate.” And hope she’s as quick to cool down as she is to heat up.

Alternatively see if DD can swap teachers (if that’s possible and if she hasn’t got a great rapport with the current one) and try not to be so dismissive of them as a person when you communicate.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 10/09/2022 18:11

Ok - if you are not British then this might be a cultural difference. This is how I (British origin) would have sent the message:-

Hi. Lizzie says she didn’t have a violin lesson today. Do they start next week or have I messed the days up?
………

Ah phew! Thanks so much. Is it a 12 week term or do you plough on until Christmas?

…….

Great. Lizzie will see you on Wednesday. She has been looking forward to it!

FlorettaB · 10/09/2022 18:12

I think she was very polite and professional.

BadNomad · 10/09/2022 18:13

I would appreciate it if you let me know any changes to the schedule!

This reads like an accusation. Like you are implying it is her fault that you are uninformed about the schedule. Hence, her reply stating what her schedule says.

It sounds like she wants to keep communication to official channels now in case you are going cause her trouble. It is unfortunate for you, but she needs to protect herself.

Original poster
Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:14

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

I’ve since Googled her, she has an amazing website, a successful private practice, very positive feedback from other parents and is all over YouTube playing really complex pieces 😳

OP posts:
OneThingAndThenTheNext · 10/09/2022 18:15

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:14

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

I’ve since Googled her, she has an amazing website, a successful private practice, very positive feedback from other parents and is all over YouTube playing really complex pieces 😳

So if she wasn’t very good, being rude to her would be fine?!

Original poster
Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:15

And DD says she’s ‘amazing’. How should I apologise, she’s blocked me

OP posts:
BadNomad · 10/09/2022 18:16

Send an apology card or letter to her via your daughter next week, then just leave it. Don't make things awkward for your child.

sponsabillaries · 10/09/2022 18:16

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:14

I’ve made a terrible mistake.

I’ve since Googled her, she has an amazing website, a successful private practice, very positive feedback from other parents and is all over YouTube playing really complex pieces 😳

So when you thought she was a lowly municipal peri you thought you could speak to her like shit?

Nah. I don’t believe anyone is this rude, cultural issues or not. I’m calling troll and I don’t care if I am deleted.

Dishwashersaurous · 10/09/2022 18:20

If its Council music lessons surely you would have been emailed a schedule, which would have showed that it starts next week.

Dragmedown · 10/09/2022 18:20

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:15

And DD says she’s ‘amazing’. How should I apologise, she’s blocked me

Do you really need to ask? You send a note with your daughter to hand over in next letter. Mark it private and confidential. I don’t expect she will open it in front of DD but will crack in with the lesson.

Is this really the first time you’ve made such a “mistake” as you put it? Time for some reflection on how you behave towards others and the sort of example you want to set your DD.

fucap · 10/09/2022 18:22

Now that you've posted the actual message the teacher sent, I don't think she was rude at all.
That was very clear and straightforward and no nonsense. To run a successful music teaching practice you ahve to be like that. (I am also a music teacher). You get so many people being rude, messing about, wanting more lessons than they have actually paid for and so on and so forth. You have to be extremely clear and direct about terms and conditions right from the start.
I would suggest you don't contact her attempting to apologize. Just leave her alone and in the future be much more careful about how you phrase things. The situation should settle down.
However, if I were the teacher, your rude e-mail would be a red flag for me and I'd be keeping an eye on the situation with you because sometimes the sort of email you sent is a warning sign that the parent concerned is going to cause more difficulties in the future (I'm not saying you would, but often issues with parents begin with a message like this as it indicates a lot about the type of person you are dealing with).

Nanny0gg · 10/09/2022 18:26

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 15:42

Ok I can see how this has come across as impolite- surely her response was OTT though?

How about emailing back an apology and saying that you didn't mean it as it appeared and hope you can start again?

TrashyPanda · 10/09/2022 18:26

I’m glad you have realised how rude you were.
You could send a handwritten note, with a suitable apology to her, care if the Music Service.

years ago, I was in a civil service legal department and an external solicitor was due to me. Our Head of Legal Services phoned him up and told him if ever heard of him talking to staff like that again “everything you send in will go straight to the bottom of the pile”.

i never, ever forgot how he stuck up for me, (the solicitor was annoyed cos I spotted a mistake in a legal process which then had serious implications for his client)

carefullycourageous · 10/09/2022 18:28

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:02

I’ve tried to call her but she’s blocked me!

Yes, because you have been rude and pestered her.

user80808 · 10/09/2022 18:31

I used to work in peoples homes providing a professional service. One week a man was very rude to me. His wife ran in and hissed "For gods sake, don't speak to her like that that, she isn't a cleaner!" and I thought hmmmm if you treat your cleaner like shit I do not want to work for you and did not return. Treat everyone with respect.
You have made a mistake and you ought to be mortified. Do not treat people nastily. Do not use your money as a weapon to wield power. Be as polite and grateful and kind as you can to as many people as possible but particularly those who care for your kids.

Snowiscold · 10/09/2022 18:32

Mrspeanuts · 10/09/2022 18:15

And DD says she’s ‘amazing’. How should I apologise, she’s blocked me

Yes, of course she has. Surely you didn’t just contact her on a Saturday. That’ll be when she does her private lessons. But she’s probably blocked all parents from your school at least now - and will tell them all contact must go through the music service now.

girlmom21 · 10/09/2022 18:33

Mumoftwoinprimary · 10/09/2022 18:11

Ok - if you are not British then this might be a cultural difference. This is how I (British origin) would have sent the message:-

Hi. Lizzie says she didn’t have a violin lesson today. Do they start next week or have I messed the days up?
………

Ah phew! Thanks so much. Is it a 12 week term or do you plough on until Christmas?

…….

Great. Lizzie will see you on Wednesday. She has been looking forward to it!

Did the OP ever say she's not British?

PrivateHall · 10/09/2022 18:33

The teacher wasn't rude at all and clearly has been communicating directly with you as a favour. Clearly she decided to stop that due to your rudeness, hence her blocking you. She has every right to do that as you should be using official channels to make contact. She has her own home life and doesn't need to be receiving rude messages like that when she isn't even in work!

It sounds like you really looked down on her thinking she works for you. Now you realise she is a professional - suddenly you feel bad for being rude. This is disgusting behaviour and I really hope she reads this actually - it is very identifying.

You really need to work on your manners and not treat people like shit just because you think they are beneath you!!!

cardeyscat · 10/09/2022 18:33

Instrumental teacher here. Your child is not her only student, and I'm surprised she was WhatsApping you personally when she may have another 50 sets of parents to deal with. She was doing you a favour and you have been rude to her. So so many parents take us for granted and treat us as a commodity to be bought, when we are highly skilled and trained professionals. She was completely professional in her responses. The amount of times I've been treated like sh*t because a parent hasn't read a contract, checked websites or responded to emails is deeply frustrating

Ommommomm · 10/09/2022 18:34

Rude! I mean you OP

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