Is this rude of DD’s violin teacher?

[Mrspeanuts]

DD (8) started violin lessons in school with her teacher who works for the local music service. She kindly sends regular updates on WhatsApp about progress and homework etc.

DD took her violin in to school on Wednesday this week (the day of her lesson) and the teacher wasn’t there. I sent an email via the music service asking why there was no lessons. I got what I thought was a rude response saying something along the lines of why would you think there was a lesson? Music tuition always starts back the second week in? I responded with ‘well I didn’t know that’ and the response was ‘well you do have my phone number, maybe should have checked first?’

she has since told me she won’t be posting any more updates on WhatsApp and any further correspondence from her will be via email through the music service.

have I upset her? I’m not sure if I’ve done anything wrong?

I hope she sacks you

It sounds like you really looked down on her thinking she works for you. Now you realise she is a professional - suddenly you feel bad for being rude. This is disgusting behaviour

Exactly so.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes - at 16:14.

My SIL is not British and from a culture where “directness” is the cultural norm. There has been a few incidents…..

But if it was merely cultural op would not be reading the teachers perfectly professional messages as rude.

It's a superiority thing, op, like many parents, thinks they are better than lowly teachers and they must scrape and bow. Sometimes that works with state teachers whom Senior Leadership won't back, but I'm this case the music teacher doesn't have to take ops shit.

Actually, now that I've read her messages that you posted, she wasn't rude at all, only you OP. She's behaved really professionally. An apology note and maybe flowers might be in order.

So your child took her violin to school expecting to have a lesson and there wasn't one - hardly the end of the world! The teacher could have been ill - I don't think a message like yours would have been appreciated in that case.

OMG! The teacher wasn’t rude at all. No wonder she blocked you.
Like pp, I’d suggest a note of apology and some flowers or chocolates taken in by DD.

Why did you use explanation marks?! See?! It's rude.

Your reply of ‘I didn’t know that’ was pretty rude to in my opinion.
She knows you didn’t know. That’s why you asked… you could have replied with something a bit more polite like ‘thanks for letting me know, I wasn’t aware as I didn’t read the information given out properly’

im not surprised she’s blocked you

What you wrote was rude. She was going above and beyond her (probably low paid) role with the WhatsApp updates and your rudeness has understandably made her reconsider this.

Your message to her did sound abrupt and a bit rude, however I am going to go against the consensus here and say there is also such a thing as professionalism. To have blocked you and stop communicating you via whats app just over a blunt message is an overreaction on her part. You weren't abusive and while I can understand her back going up at your message, she needs to develop a thicker skin if running a teacher business.

Common knowledge indeed! This is typical of the sort of poor communication that pisses parents off on a regular basis.

She's not running a business, she's an employee of a music business. And no, people don't have to put up with people treating them or speaking to them like crap and grow a thicker skin. People who speak to others like crap lose the benefits of that person. In this case, the op has lost the WhatsApp messaging service which she wasn't paying for as this was something the teacher did on top of her work.

You were rude, and also wrong. There was no ‘change to the schedule’. You didn’t know the schedule. I’m sure it’s written into the contract that your child gets x number of lessons per term (aka slightly less than the number of weeks in the term).

You don’t own someone just because you’re paying them. I’m not a music teacher, I’m a nanny. But if a parent of one of the children I was looking after was rude to me, I would just quit and find a new job. I’d probably get one in the next week or so. Demand is very high and I’m sure it’s the same for music lessons. Apologise profusely and hopefully you can all move on from this.

I have been on the receiving end of this. I am a proud and committed state school teacher and had a parent treat me with condescension until they clearly Googled me and saw that I went to Oxford.

The OP is a snob and I hope she is reflecting on her unpleasant attitudes.

Why is it a mistake? If you felt the message was acceptable to send to a standard music teacher why is it a mistake to send it to an extremely accomplished teacher? Or do you generally behave different to those you see as ‘below’ you?

She's an employee of the music service. Your communication and engagement should be, and is, with the music service.

Music teachers, in this situation, have no requirement to engage with parents.

She has been going above and beyond in her own time to communicate with you.

You were then incredibly rude, and hadn't paid attention to the information from the music service.

So she has decided not to do extra communication.

There is nothing for you to do. You engage with the music service from now on

That’s perfectly polite and professional, far nicer than your original low-class message warranted.

Have you apologized to her yet?

Also, for future reference, one thing that makes my blood boil and, l suspect that of many of my colleagues, is a phrase such as “paying customers.” We are highly trained professionals and wish to be treated with the respect that implies. In fact, surely everyone, whatever they do, deserves to be treated with respect.

How on Earth was the teacher’s response rude?

and is all over YouTube playing really complex pieces -

wow fancy that - a violin teacher who can play really complex pieces. Did you think she could only play the standard of pieces that she's teaching the pupils?

She asked you to communicate through the official channels, so I suggest you do that.

You only think you've made a mistake because shes got a really good reputation?