To asked how you discovered OW

[Onicron]

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

Messages being wipped or set to self delete on WhatsApp etc, any unaccountable time ect suddenly interested in e.g. Gym sessions.

If you own the car and the tag, you can claim it's a security measure.

Oh yes. Also (another middle aged man) gym, new clothes, weight loss

OW?

So many of these posts are about men cheating with women who are, for want of a better word, lower down their social strata.

I've read it so many times on other posts - is it because they want to protect them, or is it because they feel that these women are really going to need them and it makes them feel powerful?

Such utterly grim reading. I'm so sorry for everyone on here who has been through this...

OW = other woman!

Hope that you’re okay OP.

He came back from a holiday with friends and i just knew something had happened. He kept liking a certain woman's photos on instagram, a friend of a friend who I could see was also at the same location. I asked him what happened, he denied anytging happened. But I just knew.

One day, his friend added me on facebook. I had a nosey at his photos and just knew I would find evidence.

Oh lord did I find it. A photo of the woman topless straddling my partner in a jacuzzi. Twats!

Having “clients” ringing reporting a “leak” at ridiculous hours, I had a baby who was high need so just accepted it. Later on, locking the iPad, locking phone (not that I looked at his phone but I was unable to answer a call on his behalf), wearing a pair of work overalls over “going out” clothes, asking me for sex at the most inappropriate times (think cooking, bathing baby, parents here). He could then said I “always said no to sex” 🙄. Oh it went on and on. Somehow I was still floored when he left. I knew immediately who the OW was. He still denied it. He’d moved in with her the day after leaving and told me they’d bumped into eachother that same day and she’d asked him to move in and immediately fell in love 👀. He did try to pretend he was homeless and living in his van by bringing it to show me with a bed set up and all his clothes in it and asking me to do laundry. I feel traumatised remembering it all.

My advice to you OP is keep your cards close to your chest, get your ducks in a row, seek legal advice and know how you’re going to deal with it 💐

TELEGRAM

I can’t say this loudly enough but TELEGRAM

All the “clever” cheaters use it. Messages self destruct after a few seconds. You can hide all notifications, it doesn’t show you online.

Honestly - they all use it. Download it now and look up contacts. If it says “last seen recently” it means within a few hours/days.

Unless they have a good reason to need a hugely encrypted secretive messaging app it’s a huge red flag

Postponing important stuff we had already decided on like moving, getting a new house, etc.

No interest in doing stuff together as a family. But suddenly he started doing a lot of exercise!

Multiple “work trips” to the place she lived at. I knew her, she was a mutual friend, I knew he was in touch with her, so didn’t connect the dots to start with. To be honest… I couldn’t care less about what he was up to back then, we both had lost interest in each other.

I never noticed anything strange on the way he used his phone (he was an early bird so if he was texting her, he was not doing it from home, having said that he was plugged to the computer all day since I met him so, if he had been chatting to her, I wouldn’t have noticed).

People may suggest to look at your phone, I suggest look at your relationship, if he looks happy but has became increasingly distant… start checking the bank accounts.

Popping out to finish some work
Going outside to take phone calls
Buying new clothes which were completely different from what he wore before
Dyeing his hair ( yes really)

his phone

Now, thinking about it, I dated a man who didn’t tell me he was married, as stupid as it may look I became suspicious as he always called me when walking the dog at night!

I had the hair dye one. It went bright orange. Hope OW liked it.

He told me. OW had told her husband and he knew I was about to find out.

OW said her husband ‘forced it out if her’. Not sure about that or whether it was a cover for getting what she wanted.

OW’s husband ( and his dad) also turned up at our house. It was New Year's Day.

I didn't suspect at all.

In hindsight, once I did know, some of his strangeness, some of the times when he made me feel I was in the wrong or that I had mistaken or forgotten things all made sense.

A friend of mine had just arrived home after having a baby, there was a message on the answerphone from the OW congratulating friend’s husband on the birth of his son - friend had had a girl, OW was in the same maternity unit having the baby boy.
He denied it!

left his computer on by mistake. computer showed where his phone was. the phone was with him. he said he was 10 miles from where his phone said he was. was with a prostitute a mile down the road.
obviously he denied it 😂😂

Secretive with phone as others have mentioned.
Going out of an evening a lot more and staying out.
Working over time more and then complaining his work had forgotten to pay for it… because it was never worked.
Found a set of keys for someone else’s house in our home.
Pictures on his phone.
A entire shift in his demeanour, taking more pride in his appearance, not really being able to look me in the eye and just seeming a bit detached.
To be honest it got to a stage where I could tell the second he walked through the door whether he’d been with someone else or not.
It all came to a head when the husband to be of the women he was seeing paid a private investigator to follow him and I was contacted.

I actually discovered it ( after the event) by seeing an e mail from her H to my exH arranging a meeting to discuss it all as her H was struggling. This was a year after it had finished. The 2 men had been friends. I had had suspicions but he denied any questions I asked to my face. He had bought new underwear, he started picking my child up at school as she was there then too and looking back there were times when we were out as a foursome ( yup) when one would go to the toilet then the other at the same time. I caught a few glances from her in his direction too. I just remembered the other day that one time car sharing she insisted on getting in the back with my exH.

Oh and yes a change in behaviour - he started a new job and started going out in the evenings eg to the cinema - what??? -with some guy at his new work place. I was so stupid but they did meet through the day at lunchtimes also.

My parents used to work at the same hospital, and had been married for around 20 years. One day, a chap at work said to my Dad "Sorry to hear about you and the Missus" and Dad was confused, so asked "Sorry?". The chap replied "I mean sorry about you splitting up - I saw her kissing 'Ambulance Driver' last week, so I just assumed..." It was the first Dad knew about it and I remember him coming home from work early that night and me laying on the floor so I could hear what was going on downstairs. My "D"M took us to meet 'Ambulance Driver' and his kids the next day and we moved in with them within a week. DSis and I (aged 8 & 10) asked to go and live with DDad after that!

So many of these posts are about men cheating with women who are, for want of a better word, lower down their social strata.
I've read it so many times on other posts - is it because they want to protect them, or is it because they feel that these women are really going to need them and it makes them feel powerful?

I think confident, self assured women don't get into relationships with married men, they know their own worth. Only the chronically insecure would want someone else's baggage.

so many of these posts are about men cheating with women who are, for want of a better word, lower down their social strata.

I've read it so many times on other posts - is it because they want to protect them, or is it because they feel that these women are really going to need them and it makes them feel powerful?

They're being written by hurt, betrayed women. They're very unlikely to be objective. Besides, attraction is a very subjective thing! I certainly know the partner I've fancied the most isn't the one others would say is the most attractive.

My husband had used online chat rooms for years but it was only in the last year or so that it got more intense. He developed a “friendship” with several women claiming to be helping them out. It didn’t really start getting serious until this last one. She’s Colombian. He’s been over to Colombia twice to see her now before he moved out. He’s over there now. He’s supposed to be finding somewhere else to live so she can come over to see him. He lives with his parents at the moment. As soon as finances allow we will be getting divorced.