To asked how you discovered OW

[Onicron]

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

We had a new car with all sorts of tech. One of which was to mark where it was parked on your phones map.
one day i was looking at the map, wife away over night with friends. Car was not where it should have been…
Turned out it wasnt even her 2nd affair. It seems for a lot us the affair we find out about is not the 1st affair they had.

Yep, he’s married to her. Promised her the world but l don’t think he delivered on much of it. Married her yes. They have fertility problems so no children and he took a hit selling our newly refurbished house. That he bought me out of and then the market crashed. Thems the breaks 🤷‍♀️. Karma and all that

We have mutual friends so l see the odd picture on Facebook. They’ve both let them self go. Between them then they’ve put on about 5 stone. He was so slim when we met

Looking back I can see someone tried to tell me but I blocked it. I didn't want it to be true. I know something was off. He kept blaming me. Talking about another woman friend. Happy when not with me. Controlling. Gaslighting. He made me feel so bad about myself. I crawled out of that relationship diminished and beaten down.
when I found out it was because I finally put together my fears and confronted him and he was so startled he confessed. He immediately broke it off with the other woman and perused me with ardour but not with meaning (didn't turn up to the relate meetings and Continued to work in a two person team with her. She was apparently devastated). They had mutual friends all of whom snubbed me.
I've never emotionally recovered. I still haven't forgiven him twenty years on even though he has taken to writing to me asking me if we can meet.

My hairdresser found out about her bf cheating after he cheated on the OW and the other woman told the hairdresser about the third woman.. The OW and the hairdresser then joined forces and went round to the third woman's house, where he was part time shacked up, and confronted him in a blaze of fury. Third (OW) didn't believe any of it though. More fool her.

the hairdresser ended up Very happily married to someone else.

Not a DH but a long term boyfriend pre mobile phone days. I just knew. Can’t really say why, just a feeling. We didn’t live together - he lived in a house share with some guys who I knew and I was in and out of the house often. Popped round one afternoon and stole the back door key. They nearly always forgot to lock it and had dogs so they weren’t worried. The next time he said he couldn’t see me that evening as he was “tired” I drove close to his house, parked and walked the rest of the way. Went in the back door, whispered to the dogs so they didn’t bark, and walked down to his room. He was in bed with her. It was good to finally know. Threw the back door key at him and left. He went on to marry her, and beat her terribly. He had never lifted a finger to me. Very narrow escape!

From experience..
Sketchy with phone, even if you pick it up to move it.
The sudden extra shifts and out with mates alot more.
Deleting the sat nav.
Went away for a weekend but didn't take any photos and couldn't remember what it was called.

Oh and kissing differently

Going to the gym
Buying new clothes
Disappearing for hours on end, saying he was going to take his car to be cleaned
He bought me perfume for Christmas then told my kids he bought the wrong one, said was taking it back to swap but kids saw 2 bottles in the boot of his car
Lack of sex so getting it elsewhere

Look for the secret chat app - KIK. You can hide it in the back pages of your apps.

Mobile phone being with them all the time - ask to just borrow it because you left yours somewhere.

new pants
more intimacy as they use you to try things out
sudden meetings
look on the well known affair website

Coming home from work unexpectedly and finding her getting dressed in my bedroom.
Whooah !

Handy thread for cheating partners isn’t it. Let’s hope Andrew Tate doesn’t get wind of it.

I opened the door to my DH's pregnant girlfriend, apparently, he'd not been in touch with her for weeks so she came looking for him.

She started ranting that he'd have to pay for this baby, told her he'd have to pay for our kids first.

Ive never discovered an affair but I’ve found cheating before. Anyway if you have suspicions, put an AirTag in the boot of his car and you’ll know in a week where he’s going, catch him red handed, job done.

I bumped in to them while I was out with my friends. Most humiliating experience. They were walking towards us and me and my friends were walking towards them and everyone said hi as we approached and no one really processed what was happening until we were face to face. The sudden realisation flipped the mood instantly. She also knew about me and told me I had nice hair. He tried to kiss me and I turned my head away and went bye and side stepped him. And then everyone carried on walking. I was in utter shock and no one knew what to say to me. We obviously broke up that evening when he came over to my place to grovel. One of the most WTF moments of my life it was over 10 years ago but my stomach still drops when I replay it.

Got a separate mobile for'USA WORK CALLS' and slept in spare room with phone so as not to disturb me.
Started going to the 'gym and buying new underwear
Finally when taking his ironed shirts upstairs I dropped one on his keyboard in his dressing room
It sprang into life..a pic of her, my friend with spread legs
Asking to see his underwear of the day in exchange for hers.

Looked at phone bill (they were itemised in those days). Changing behaviour, getting more secretive. Trust your instincts. Good luck

So many good responses here - and if anyone is going through this, please take a look at chumplady.com - it'll save your sanity

The OW and I took our DCs to the same playgroup. While I got lumbered with cleaning out the sandpit, she always pushed her DCs in the door and dashed off. Then, one day, my DS fell downstairs when we were getting ready to go. I rang 'D' H to ask him to take us to A&E (I didn't drive in those days) and he wasn't at work. Later, when I put two and two together, I realised why handing out the playdough wasn't her thing.

Totally totally ditto
Its like they have pre programnes

Changing passwords on phone and computer. Keeping phone with him at all times. Went mad when I said I might turn up at his hotel one night out of the blue (he worked away for years!). It had been going on for years and it wasn't until I found a hotel payment on his credit card statement in a different town to where he was working that I had the 'evidence' for certain. I knew from how he behaved there was something on it and I just thought to myself, I've got 2 choices I look at it or don't! And if I look at it and see something I don't like then I either put up and shut up or act on it. I acted on it. Three years down the line, I'm divorced and although I'm hard up for money (although I am lucky as I do have a small house that is mortgage free) I have never been happier. He's still with her. She wasn't the first and she won't be the last. She'd been hanging around like a bad smell and made my life hell for 5 years - she's welcome to him. He's her problem now.

He sent me a text he meant for her, it was quite obvious from content!

He started going out at night and either not coming home until very early hours or not coming home at all. Then one day I called to check on him as I hadn't had the usual I've arrived text, someone picked up the phone and I heard them having $€x

-Constantly being online on WhatsApp.. even in the toilet.
-sneaky with the mobile phone.. never away from him, and then clearly texting all evening.
-mentionitis.. talking about ow and some accident her children had, then what an amazing house she had etc etc
-loosing weight
-suddenly buying new clothes/different hairstyle
-zero interest in you anymore
-argumentative/silent treatment

be sneaky, open bank statements if they still arrive.. go through his work bag, (I found hotel receipts in there with both their names on and then it was game over). It will be highly likely you won’t be able to get into his phone..he will have thought of that. If you share an iPad, he may have forgotten to log out of Facebook/insta/linked in/emails..

good luck

Terrible advice.

Apart from the obvious, AirTags will alert him (if he has an iPhone) that there is an AirTag with him. One of the design aspects to try to stop... you know... stalking.

Me too. Mentionitis, spending longer and longer at her house (tutor to her DS), and buying new clothes.