To asked how you discovered OW

[Onicron]

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

What’s mentionitis?

Yeah OW in my case was a monster. She managed to get rid of our autistic child. Triumphant she was. Absolute vile cunt. I'm so glad my child isn't abused by her any longer. He's autistic. The woman is a piece of shit. His father more so as he chose her.

When they keep talking about someone, mentioning them at every opportunity.

Yup 🙄 #gaslighting

@ReneBumsWombats

Yes, I'm affraid so.

The amount of men I hear having conversations on their phone while walking the dog. They're all at it.

Dropping the same person into conversation to normalise their presence

I had slight suspicions he was suddenly very highly sexed like when we were first together but it wasn’t intimate and would also be argumentative so he could walk out for a few hours

and then one evening I just knew. He came home from his karate training and was very affectionate said he was going to have a shower (all quite normal) but something wasn’t right. When he was in the shower (I remember him singing) i looked in his bag his kit hadn’t been worn. Over dinner I asked how his class had gone he went on with far too many details. I just told him I know you are lying so who were you with his reply ‘it’s none of your business’ 🙄 I think he was so shocked he didn’t know what to say

I left a few days later I didn’t need proof I knew (though can understand why some feel they do I didn’t have children with him so only me to think of) he begged me to come back everyday for at least six months but I would never have moved on

Hiding his phone, going on long walks to clear his head, new wardrobe etc.

Worst things about it wasn’t the secrets and lies it was that he was sleeping with my sister. Not even a nice sister. My skanky sister who drinks like a fish, smells like a thousand cigarettes, has meth style teeth and treats everyone like shit. She also occasionally worked as a prostitute.

I had my suspicions he was seeing someone else and eventually found out when he sent me an accidental message. I never suspected it would be with er though! I threw him out.

He spent months begging to come back but 1) ewww just no and 2) I could never be with a person who so willingly compromised my health.

Openly messaging her all evening long on his laptop whilst sat next to on the sofa. I managed to catch a glimpse of her name out of the corner of my eye and as soon as my son went off to bed I asked him who she was. It was an emotional affair and had been going on for months. It ended on being found out but was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

I just downloaded this and my husband is on it as well as a few of my friends husbands. But also randomly some old female colleagues. Do some organisations use it for work?

i turned up at his house and kissed him. I could taste/smell someone’s vag on his mouth and he looked dead sheepish.
he has Crohn’s disease now. Ha.

If you think it is happening, and you are a normal/rational person, then it probably is - call him out

Yes. Lots of 'officially sensitive' groups do. Maybe not for work, but for off duty things that they want to go no further. It's quite big in police and military circles, whereas maybe they wouldn't chat on messenger.

Among other things, suddenly started trimming his pubes (having sported a huge bush for the first 50 years of his life)

Gut instinct, he went from being a very loving and caring man to a vile monster.

He often went out and didn’t come home for days, stating that he was at his mums then one day he came home fell asleep next to me on the sofa and I saw a long strand of hair tangled in his beard, then as if by magic his secret phone started to ring I answered and she swiftly hung up.

He stayed with her for a few years, but cheated on her from day one with a god awful woman, who he also cheated on and had a secret child with.
I’m pretty sure he was cheating on me with her too, alas I will never know as he still claims to this day he never cheated.

Lots of people use Telegram , There was a scare due to WhatsApp data belonging to fb & people felt their personal info was unsafe... & some decided to veto WhatsApp & use Telegram.

During the ash cloud crisis with planes stuck all over the place - he told me he was stuck n x country had been on a business trip allegedly.
She( had been family friend) whats appd me she was stuck overseas on a business trip in another country.
Both of them had jobs with overseas travel, so not an uncommon event.

Had gone away for a dirty weekend and got stuck - they must have shat themselves - as nerly a week later they both allegedly got home.

I did not suspect until another friend showed me a photo they had taken whilst stuck on holiday ina completely different country to the two mentioned and they were sitting at a table in a cafe!

Suddenly everything else everyone else has mentioned fell into place.

Lasted 18 months - they have now split and are 2 children no longer have to see the malignant bitch who made their lives hell for that period. Their DF deeply regrets his actions but such is life - he can read it and weep 'i have moved on and he is a fat sad bachelor.

OP has not been back to this thread so on that basis I will not add but if she was back and taking this thread seriously I could add my thoughts which she might find useful.

His behaviour changed, not by a lot but little things, he just became less attentive. My mother then said she found him different somehow and said I should consider he was having an affair, the woman is a witch, I swear! I just minimised it and carried on. I then noticed him sitting in his car on the drive after he arrived home, talking on the phoned before coming in, then I thought I heard him on a call in the middle on the night.

Finally, we were away in London for a night, we were in Starbucks and he went to the loo, he took ages and I was busting so I grabbed our stuff and headed up the loo, I turned the corner and he was on his phone. He looked like a rabbit caught in lights, he must've hung up on her mid sentence. I knew instantly but carried on for a few days determined to get his phone the first chance I could, I did and it confirmed my suspicions. His whole world blew up in his face.

We are still together 14 years later, our marriage is fabulous now but it took a good 2-3 years of really hard work from us both. I don't regret it as we're very happy, but I would probably be hard pushed to recommend it, strange huh? Lol

Interested in a lot of "mention-itis".

In my case there was zero mention-itis. Infact when I raised it there was stone wall nothing.

In my case I worked it out, asked him the question (he denied) and then he persisted to deny.
Then he left us.
And then within a month or so, contrary to my requests by email to him, he introduced our children (aged 4 and 5) to his (since worked out about 2 year history) mistress.

So mention-itis is not always a good indication. Sometimes (like my ex husband) they go to all lengths to not mention the person they are having an affair with.

Is it not so so much better for your mental health to be somewhere, literally anywhere but living authentically and on your own values?

I totally get why you might not because you thing living with someone who is sleeping with (one or multiple who knows) other people is fine because you get get the supposed protection/economic benefit (because I cannot imagine any other reasons apart from protectoin or economic benefit - why you might do this but correct me if I am wrong)

But why would you do that? What are you telling your children?
I can tell you in the UK it is hard, it is really really hard to break away if your husband earns good money and say "no I will protect my children".

My ex husband left. He probably did me a favour by doing that. He had been having an affair for 2 years (at least).

Even if he had stayed and not left (I confronted him) what would it say to my daughter if she lived in a house where her father was sleeping with other woman/women? Not great I think.

A gut feeling. Constantly being gaslighted. Taking his phone everywhere with him. Receipts.

He acted differently, seemed way too happy to be going on a business trip. He would quickly flick between tabs on his computer, always away from chats or emails if I walked into the room unexpectedly.

I had my suspicions about certain women then I found out their names were his passwords for email accounts etc. He changed his phone passcode and said I didn't need to know it. After I caught him out the first time he told me and said I could check at any time. When he changed it again without telling me I knew what he was up to again.

He also didn't like being seen with me in public. Used to walk about 5 steps ahead of me and would speed up even when I asked him to slow down. Didn't like going out for a meal or drinks with me, we once went out for an anniversary meal and DPs were watching the children overnight so we had a rare child free night to enjoy. We had two courses and drinks and we were home less than an hour after leaving the house.

Money disappeared out of the account with no valid reason behind it. I found receipts for nice gifts at Christmas time that i never received (very Love Actually but it wasn't jewellery.)

My friend was married to a man who travelled abroad to watch a sporting event, with some old friends from the town where they had previously lived. TV coverage showed him very clearly sitting in the stands with a woman known to us all. She gave him another chance as they had 2 young children. She became pregnant shortly afterwards. A couple of years go past and he disappeared. When he was located, he was living with a different woman who was just about to give birth to their second child, the eldest being 1 month younger than their reconciliation baby. He had previously been part of a management buyout (borrowed the money from her parents) then that business was taken over and he was significantly wealthy. Between OW1 and leaving her, he had gradually 'disappeared' all of the money, so much so that she had to sell their house that they had paid cash for and as he had secured loans on it without her knowing, ended up with next to nothing and had to move in with her elderly parents. He may have gambled it away but we think most of it was salted away. OW2 had gone from renting a small 1 bed flat to owning a large 4 bed new build with a tiny mortgage and very large deposit. No money to prove or fight it and she just wanted to move on. My advice is to make sure you have money of your own put away, even if you share all bills and income otherwise.