To asked how you discovered OW

[Onicron]

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

Hiding his phone, never letting it out of his sight. Going out for walks alone at night (no dog and out of character). Glad he’s an ex.

Husband has left a few months ago but I suspected he’d been cheating for a year prior. Here were his tell tell signs

Improving appearance
Actually showering (which he never did for me!)
Buying new clothes and aftershave
Being super sketchy with phone
Mentionitis
Phone always going off with texts
Staying late at work or dawdling near work (I could see his location)
Taking phone to toilet and sleeping with it in his hand ON HIS CHEST!
being super nasty to me, picking fights and coming for my looks
Asking to go on a ‘night out’ with friends from work who turned out to be the girls he was texting (yes there were multiple)
I finally found texts, confronted him and he went crazy at me and actually left me!
He would also delete full messages threads so I knew he was deleting messaging which he obviously denied

I begged for him to come back (last year) and he did but dragging his feet

I then found out his was spending LOTS of money on god knows what (I suspect the OW) and he was hiding large sums of money. I called him out again and he blamed me for it?!?

He eventually walked out again a few months ago after we had a tiny fight over something ridiculous.

I now look back and think he was doing all this horrible stuff to me so I’d leave him but I was desperate to keep our family together I stayed so I think he just wanted me to be the bad guy but he left, walked out, asked for a divorce and is still blaming me for everything?!? actual crazy stuff.

I was heartbroken at first but now I cannot believe I let him treat my son and I so badly for over two years. Absolute trash human being.

Turned out it wasnt even her 2nd affair. It seems for a lot us the affair we find out about is not the 1st affair they had

I think this is very true.

I think my favourite was during a period of reconcilliation after what I thought was a first affair he began to withdraw again, left suddenly came back a month later siting depression. A few years later on MN I saw his whole romance play out by some very popular poster, more like a blog, that was nice.

Unlike her post stated she knew he was very married, but the poor woman had a 'crush'.

Did anyone get told they were crazy and paranoid / imagining things ??

I had suspicions long before I had proof. Any time I raised my suspicions I was gaslighted and told I was mad. What raised my suspicions: a text thanking him for attending certain curry house. Phone swiftly locked. Going out grocery shopping and coming back 4 hrs later. Perfume smell in car. Perfume smell on him. Cigarette smell in car. Telling me he went from work by tube to a training course but turning up home with car smelling of cigarettes, then telling me he’d given a colleague a lift home from the training course (that he said he’d gone to by tube)...Receiving a parcel and refusing to open it at home. Told me it was for someone at work and invented a story about what it was. I didn’t believe him and opened it and it was a phone! Said he had lied about it because I’d have been annoyed at him spending money on an expensive phone (even though he bought it second hand and wasn’t any better than his existing phone). Had a massive fight about him lying (never mind who/what the phone was for) and he insisted it was “just a phone” and not as if he “lied about anything important”. Two weeks later he was off out to the cinema by himself. Found a hotel receipt in his pocket the next day for the same time he was “at the cinema” and in a different town to the one he said he’d gone to. Confronted him about it and he admitted it (only because I had proof). Kicked him out.

Yes.

She phoned me up and told me, oh and that she was 5 months pregnant.

Getting dressed up. Going on a diet. Stopping drinking Coca Cola. Saying she was a great friend and begging to be allowed to see her on his own. Going out late. Going out early.

And the triumphant look on her face when all three of us were together.

(I was unlucky - she was a monster.)

Oh yes! Even when I found an hotel receipt for 2 for a date when he said he was working away......he made my kids write thank you letters to her for the supermarket vouchers she sent them. At Christmas getting them to write thank you letters was like pulling teeth! But they liked 'daddy's friend' who used to stay over when I was away for work....he flatly denied anything was going on, I started divorce proceedings, her mail was delivered to ours and still he denied anything was going on! She moved in the day I left, he was only doing her a favour apparently. She was loaded, all he cared about was money....

I think Breakfastisjustporridge explanation (the one before yours) is probably more likely.

The only 2 women I've ever known (not friends of mine!) to get with married men are absolute car crashes!

Or they're like me and didn't have a bloody clue (he was engaged, not married but still..)
I met his work colleagues, he met my family, he stayed over all the time. No idea
And yes as soon as I found out I was the OW, I ended it. Then I messaged his girlfriend with screenshots of some of the messages between us and apologised and told her everything. She also didn't have a clue
He basically led two separate lives

(I was unlucky - she was a monster.)

How was she a monster @MrsClarkandPercy ?

The ones I most remember
. Secretive with phone
. Always out if the house
. Sex was different
. Picked arguments with me
. Gaslighting
. Guilty behaviour , randomly buying me flowers and being sickly sweet
. Using new phrases, talking different
. He smoked and kept bringing back girly lighters

Good riddance

I disagree, politely! I think it's something women often tell themselves to feel better. It's a product of being made to feel like they have to compete, because of the affair.

Having said that I think there's likely a difference depending on the type of affair. Something longer than a night or two is more likely based on attraction and feelings.

He had 2 phones which I was too green to be suspicious about. I clearly remember him saying one day that I'm such a good wife & mother out of the blue & my first thought was "what have you done?" Eventually DD's school friend's mum saw him on Tinder (photo I took of him at our anniversary dinner).

Sleeping on the sofa, never home (worked nights but would leave earlier). Wouldn't walk next to me in the street always on front or beyond (in case she saw us together).
I ended it before I knew for sure but then she emailed everyone because she was pregnant and he had dumped her.

My former serial cheat brother, was cheated on by the last OW, who he had married. He was badly hurt, lost 10K etc, one day we were talking about her, he said, "I just don't understand, we had everything, we'd moved where she wanted to live, I paid for everything she wanted..." I replied, "well you should understand, you've did it several times to wife no 1. yourself"... He was shocked to silence. Wife 2 later came crawling back, he took her back in... now we wait & see !

The OW was on Mumsnet? And you recognised her?

I don't have a story to share but I am shocked at the amount of stories on here. Maybe I've lived a sheltered life but I was not expecting this many people to have stories about finding out their husband has been having an affair......

I discovered he was cheating when he asked me to find an address on his phone while he was driving. I unlocked it and was greeted with a sent message of him in the toilet at work sending a colleague dick pics. This was in the days of separate boxes for sent and received messages so all her incomings had been deleted. He swore it was banter and I stayed with him for a few more years.

I once found out I was the OW when "my BF" rang me and said he would be gone a few days as his ex had suddenly moved his kids away and he was trying to negotiate custody and settle them in. He said he would be back in a few days. We had known one another for 15 years and dated for 18 months at this point. I had stayed over at his house and met his children. I had also picked them up from school for him. Turns out his GF worked away and his DC had been told I was their babysitter. He had told her he needed mental space after his DF died and moved into their spare room. Hence when I stayed over his room was very male and no signs of a female. She must have had suspicions about us and informed him she was moving back to her home country and if he wanted to see his DC he would follow her. He rang me a few times saying he missed me and would be home to me soon, he was just reaching an agreement with his ex. I never heard from him again. I then had the story filled in from a mutual friend and finding "the exes" social media accounts. They married 6 months later and had another DC.

My dad had an affair. My brother and I were suspicious due to my dad being secretive with his phone, smiling at his phone, and watching him press the same letter with his finger which we deduced as 'xxxxxxx'. He was also distant with us as a family and wasn't home much. When he was home, he wasn't present and seemed unhappy.

My brother and I went on the family computer and found well hidden folders of images of him and a woman. I did some Facebook stalking of his friends list and found the woman in the photos on the computer. I then found her children, and discovered that her daughter was at uni in Italy. My dad had recently been to Italy for "work". We told our mother. I think my mum knew deep down anyway but was in denial until it was undeniable.

It wasn't an easy decision for my brother and I but I was not going to keep something that big from her.

There is often a gut feeling about these things and men are cowards so will deny and gaslight until you have solid proof.

Or they're like me and didn't have a bloody clue (he was engaged, not married but still..)
I met his work colleagues, he met my family, he stayed over all the time. No idea
And yes as soon as I found out I was the OW, I ended it. Then I messaged his girlfriend with screenshots of some of the messages between us and apologised and told her everything. She also didn't have a clue
He basically led two separate lives
The difference being you ended it when you knew. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but can't imagine why anyone of sound mind would want to get involved with a married man.

He was excited to go on a cruise with "friends". Phone kept going off, and he kept smiling at it. Said it was everyone discussing this cruise.

He went on said cruise and came back very standoffish. I had a gut feeling, so confronted him.. and I was right.

This is with my ex-husband and he had several affairs. One that was undeniable was when I suddenly developed chlymidia, despite only having slept with him for 7 years 🤔 The shit still tried to deny it!!

Oh yeah, I mean how could I ever trust him? As far as I can see she's stayed with him
I couldn't have