Work full time with teens?

[HappyKoala56]

AIBU to consider a full time job with a teen and pre-teen (13 and 11)? How do other ft working parents manage with kids of these sort of ages? They are ok to stay home on their own for short times and neither are anxious with this, but it would mean 2 hours on their own after school until I get home which feels like a lot. And then what do I do in school holidays? It's a long time to be by themselves, but they don't appreciate all day clubs. I feel stuck in this middle ground of they are too old for childcare but too young for prolonged periods on their own. What does everyone do?
For context I don't HAVE to work ft, hence why I'm not sure if iabu. I have my own business and work part time currently, but I have put all career progression on hold for the past 14 years to be around for the kids and I'm eager to get back on working on myself. Do I leave it another year or 2?
YABU - stay home longer
YANBU - go get that job!

It's not top trumps, but I had an interview for a "big" job about a year ago. Was up until 3 the night before telling Dd and her mates (end of summer sleepover okay Ed before the interview to settle down). Later found "Sourz" under the desk. I know it's not easy but I'd take a toddler in bed over that. Although actually my toddlers did sleep TBF.

It's projection because the issues that poster faces aren't down to her parents working FT

It's down to them not making time for her when they were home

It's not even helpful or remotely relevant

My mother cared very much but she was exhausted at the end of the day - cooking dinner whilst trying to get my brother and I sorted out etc. I would talk to her and she cared deeply but i could see she had no capacity to deal with my French teacher embarrassing me or my struggles with GCSE she was too tired.

Actually, they didn't outsource anything.

Food shopping - did it on the way home from work, or first thing on a Saturday morning.
Hygienic house - we were out at work/school all day and had no pets, so the house didn't really get very dirty? Dishes were washed after meals, laundry was done as/when it was needed etc. It certainly didn't take hours or fill our weekends.
Life admin - bills were on direct debit, so I don't really know what life-admin you mean here?
Laundry, putting petrol in the car and mowing the lawn - none of those jobs take more than a few minutes at a time - they're hardly a reason not to spend time with your children.

And I do(did) this 3 days a week (their Dad meets the bus on Fridays and we paid for our housekeeper to do it one other day), after a full working day for which I wake @ 5:30am. For 7 years.

pickledpotato, of course it is relevant, they have just explained how the energy of their Mother was affected by the working hours not that they were a bad mother! Surely, if you take it as a personal offence that is your problem! The OP is wanting an array perspectives .

If you can't spend time with your kids when home you are a bad mother

I don't know anyone who works FT who doesn't carve out time for each of their kids 1-1 in the week

Once a week ? Teens (again I think I mean 11-15) need 1:1 with a parent daily. They may not use it but they need to know it's there.

Do you even have children? How can you not know what life admin is?
Maybe you are an only child?
I don’t see how anyone can get home from
work at 6.30/7pm, cook dinner, wash up, sort out teens, pack lunches, do the laundry, clean the house all in one night unless they are going to burn out.
I feel sorry for your parents, you clearly have no concept of how deeply exhausting it is, and that’s before you have made time for each child to listen to their day, helped with homework or had a shower yourself.

I would add the 'perspective' is one of someone whose parents had that arrangement but it didn't work out like is very possible for the OP, it depends on the Op's character, the distance too the workplace, the children's personalities, only they know the answers to those questions. I will always put my DC first over work and am.open about that at interviews it has never got in the way and what it does mean is that I am there for them even working full time but some people aren't as bold as that or pioneering so end us letting their employer take every part of them.

Up not us

@EarringsandLipstick I work part time and although could manage full time I would struggle as they are both involved in lots of activities still and they need ferrying around! I have a day and a half off which I link to the most chaotic ferrying days!

Well exactly not exemparly parental guidance with a check in once a week with an 11+ old, makes me wonder if these DC are just on some device all the time and have checked out of a relationship with their parent.

Well, it happened in my house and it certainly didn't take hours. You don't need to feel sorry for my parents either 🙄

Each night, one of my parents would cook, I would wash up. We just had quick easy meals mid-week - pasta/sauce, stir-fries etc.
I didn't have packed lunches, and if I did, I'd have been expected to make them myself - no parent needs to be making packed lunches for a teenager!
The house certainly never got cleaned every night - why would it need to be when we were all out all day?
If laundry needed doing, it was just a case of putting it in the machine and pressing a few buttons - again, it's not some huge mammoth task. It only takes a few minutes, if that.
I did my homework before they get home (or in free periods), or sometimes after dinner, but my parents never sat down and helped me or got involved unless I asked them for help. They'd be sat watching TV, reading and having a glass of wine!
Showers would be before bed or first thing in the morning, the same as when I had my shower. It certainly didn't interfere with any of our time together.

I could spend a good 2-3 hours with my parents each night if I wanted to, and we also had weekends on top.

I'm sorry your parents didn't spend much time with you but please don't tar all working parents with the same brush. It's not fair - lots of people manage to work full-time and still spend plenty of time with their kids.

But of course beyond 11 how you care for your child is all optional, if you are feeding them and have a roof over their head that is enough in the eyes of the law and there are no other needs that you need to meet unlike when they are infants of course where they also have the need for intellectual and emotional stimulation - oh hang on?

Then moutainsunsets your set up was obviously different and your parents managed to fine tune it not everyone has that character or capability it is up to the OP to determine that about thear set up. Equally, maybe Festoonlights is providing a helpful insight as to what could go wrong and the Op would be armed with that knowledge to prevent it. I work full time and I am not offended by their comments, I don't get it.

They're absolutely fine to get themselves off to school and to come home to an empty house, as well as to be home alone during the holidays.

And we wonder why we have a crisis with screen addiction, obesity, substance abuse and mental health issues in our adolescents.

Tbf, parents work full time and they do a band job of it- I know one set of parents like this, they are wealthy but it is benign neglect and the oldest teen is running the household and not great at it.

That should read, i know of bad parents who have this set up and it doesn't work.

Why do you keep suggesting people are viewing parenting their 11+ year old as “optional”? I just don’t understand the need to actually attack other parents.
You prefer not working or working full time, good for you.
The idea that parents who do someone view emotional care of their child as optional, never spend time with their children and neglect all but their absolute basic needs is just stupid frankly never mind insulting to the parents on this thread who have said they manage just fine working and wanting to spend time with their teen in the evening and care about their life.

I'm not offended by words on a screen lol - I don't know her and she doesn't know me.

But she's saying her parents never had time for her solely because they worked full-time, which implies that all children of working parents end up emotionally neglected - and IMO that's not fair to working parents.

My parents were far from perfect but I don't blame any issues they had on the fact that they had to work full-time jobs.

So you were an only child (so much easier!)
If your parents had 3 hours per night free time ( I didn’t even have that as a sago!) What time did they get home? 4pm?
Realistically most people have nothing like this level of free time in the evenings! Didn’t you do any clubs? Sports? Hobbies? Play dates? Projects?
Your life sounds nothing like a busy household or one that even looks remotely like a teen
house. Sorry.

I work FT too, but tried very hard to minimise the amount of time young (sub15) teens were "home alone" 15+ I think it's less of an issue TBH, but you cannot treat a 11yo or just turned 13 yo as if they are 16, it's asking for trouble.

SAHP!

They're absolutely fine to get themselves off to school and to come home to an empty house, as well as to be home alone during the holidays.

With respect, the teens I know, as a teacher, who suffer most from these afflictions are not the ones with ft working parents but more likely to be the ones who come from generators of unemployed parents.