Child’s birthday party - accidentally invited the class horror

[MyToasterHatesMe]

My little one has a party today. They’ve just started school and we didn’t want to invite all the kids so party invites were a bit of a grab-bag of nursery friends, kids that he seemed to get on with, parents I chatted to etc. Now we’re a week in I’m getting the feeling that one of the kids is pretty poorly behaved - runs out of class at home time rather than waiting to be called, has tried to pick my (not small!) child up when they were queuing up and carried on when asked not to, hit him repeatedly. Mine seems to like playing with him but says that he suddenly hits, pushes etc. He’s not totally wild and the parents seem on it (I think?) - plus it’s all new being at school and I can imagine that affects behaviour.

Anyway - there’s nothing too structured at the party but if this kid starts hitting / crashing into the food table / being unpleasant - what do I actually do? A parent will be there - how do I politely say that they need to make it stop? Help!

It's a child. You sound nice.

I think you're being a bit harsh calling this child the class horror.

I also think having an unstructured party for a lot of 4 year olds is a recipe for disaster and he won't be the only horror.

You provide entertainment for the children so they don't get bored and overexcited. You tell him off of his parents don't. Just be careful you also don't see the behaviour you're expecting.

They’ve started school this week. They’re probably doing half days still and you’ve already labelled this 4 year old the class horror?!

Ask his parent to stay but don't exclude him.

You let there parents deal with it

Ps - just be careful what your child is telling you. Mine was accused in Reception of all sorts of violent behaviour and one particular parent make formal complaints. Turns out my child was not doing these things and hers was making things up in order to get attention.

Put a group of 4/5 year olds together for a party and it will inevitably end up chaotic at times. Don't label kids you don't know what's going on there! He could just be excitable to be at school, have SEN, didn't go to nursery etc but to be honest he sounds like a normal 4 year old.

if this kid starts hitting / crashing into the food table / being unpleasant - what do I actually do? A parent will be there - how do I politely say that they need to make it stop? Help!

It's your house & your party - you don't need to refer to the parent if there is any of the more extreme behaviour.
If he's crashing about, ask him to slow down & be careful, "we don't zoom around indoors Jack, if you want to jump about you can run in the garden." - i.e. let him know that you are the authority here.

In the case of hitting, by the time you've navigated the social awkwardness (you are clearly anticipating this, from the way you've worded your OP) of requesting a parent to intervene, it will be too late - so just assume that it's your house, your responsibility & step in. There's not need to be polite if he's actually hitting - just calm & authoritative.

If the parents are on it as you say, you shouldn't need to say anything.

If they aren't, you go straight over, separate them if they're hurting someone and bring them to their parent saying "I think X is a little overwhelmed" and explain what happened.

Agree, you need some sort of entertainment- and make it clear that the parents need to stay. He doesn’t sound that bad but if he can’t behave tolerably well then he will need to leave the party.

Class horror? I’d be careful before you start labelling children. Children tend to blame others at that age and tell lies.

Nice try OP 🙄

I think you are being unreasonable labelling a four year old the class horror

You let there parents deal with it

That’s what I want - but how? “Mary, Jack has just hit Gill and she’s a bit upset. Could you step in?”

Ps - just be careful what your child is telling you. Mine was accused in Reception of all sorts of violent behaviour

Between my husband and I, we saw four separate occasions of this kind of behaviour over the course of the week. Literally hitting repeatedly, ignoring instructions, running away.

Child was at nursery, for whoever mentioned. And the party is outdoors, thank fuck.

Nice try OP 🙄

I’m being quite serious looking for advice because I’m crap at this sort of thing. I’ve name changed for the obvious reason.

You haven’t asked what your AIBU is but YABU in labelling this child as you have. Other posters have given good advice about handling situations that may crop up from ANY child, not just this one. OP you are in for a very long and rough ride during you DC’s school years if you are already getting worked up about small stuff like this!!

I’d say it’s entirely possible that he has SEN (diagnosed or undiagnosed) and if so the parents really will be trying to manage his behaviour. In which case you don’t have much to worry about.

Children of that age are over-excited at parties and my experience is that they all behave dreadfully compared to their everyday behaviour. Probably no comfort but he won't be the only one, he'll probably have company in his 'misbehaviour' and it sounds like his parents are more on it than most parents.

Class horror?

Please don't ever say anything this judgemental about a 4 year old again. It's a horrible thing to say.

The only thing you need to do is adopt a better attitude. What a horrible way to talk about small children.

Oh dear!
Change your attitude.
Put some structure to the party, with some organised and supervised games. Otherwise, they will all run riot! You need to keep them occupied.
The parents will supervise their child. I am pretty sure you do not need to supervise the parents?!

If you want advice, then please provide some more relevant information.

For example an unstructured birthday party held at a playground is very different to an unstructured birthday party at your home. If it is at home, do you have a sizeable outdoor space for the children to play in.

If the party is at your home, you really do need to provide fun activities or the children will get bored and likely misbehave.

Prevention is better than cure. So, how are you going to arrange the environment to avoid potential problems? Such as defined play space, putting away anything you don’t want broken or played with, fun activities to prevent boredom, etc.

Redirection is an excellent behaviour guidance technique. “Walking feet inside, if you want to run go into the backyard.”

You can politely and firmly communicate boundaries to a child who is a guest in your home. Eg. We don’t hit each other in this house, we use our words. We don’t run inside, we run outside. I don’t think dc likes you picking him up, put him down please.

Really OP, get a grip. If this has got you so worried then you shouldn’t be throwing a party.

Between my husband and I, we saw four separate occasions of this kind of behaviour over the course of the week. Literally hitting repeatedly, ignoring instructions, running away

Theyve been at school a week! If you stand and look at a bunch of reception children for long enough you will see all sorts of behaviour! My dh wouldn't even think to comment on another child's behaviour to me at pick up/drop off.

Jeez, just wait till you get the beckon from The teacher for some misdemeanour!