Child’s birthday party - accidentally invited the class horror

[MyToasterHatesMe]

My little one has a party today. They’ve just started school and we didn’t want to invite all the kids so party invites were a bit of a grab-bag of nursery friends, kids that he seemed to get on with, parents I chatted to etc. Now we’re a week in I’m getting the feeling that one of the kids is pretty poorly behaved - runs out of class at home time rather than waiting to be called, has tried to pick my (not small!) child up when they were queuing up and carried on when asked not to, hit him repeatedly. Mine seems to like playing with him but says that he suddenly hits, pushes etc. He’s not totally wild and the parents seem on it (I think?) - plus it’s all new being at school and I can imagine that affects behaviour.

Anyway - there’s nothing too structured at the party but if this kid starts hitting / crashing into the food table / being unpleasant - what do I actually do? A parent will be there - how do I politely say that they need to make it stop? Help!

Just saw your party is outdoors. Is it at a playground? If it is you are worried for nothing. Relax.

Just ask the child kindly not too if they carry on just tell the parents nicely. E.g. hello (child) please can we stop hitting/pushing/going into the table as it might cause an accident.... Thank you for listening...
I'm a great believer in inviting all of the class as I don't like leaving children out but understand in some cases the classes are too big etc.
I hope the party goes well enjoy 🙂

Jeez. My 3 year old is like this. I dread him being labelled 'the class horror' next year by parents like you.

Outdoors is good. They are all only little and learning the rules of play, so don’t be overbearing just be kind and a little bit serious if you need to tell a child to slow down or be kind to their friends.

Often a parent will step in if they spot trouble, but you should take the lead if they don’t.

Be ready to comfort the upset guest, and for the little one who is hitting you can say, “it’s not nice to hit your friends, please don’t do that again.” Then I would aim to distract them with a small organised game - eg if you are in a playground, say something cheerful like, “let’s find some more friends and have a game of hide and seek” or “Billy why don’t you have a go at the obstacle course while I make sure Mandy is ok.” Or send the DC who is acting out off to do a little job eg “Billy can you please go over to the table and fetch me the box of tissues?”

Will you have access to toilets? If not, then don’t hand out water too early.

Food table - don’t put out any sugary food for free access. Serve it from a plate to the kids (eg walk round a tray of little cakes or biscuits) after they have all eaten the savoury food. You do not want them tanked up on sugar!

There’s a real lack of answering the question here among the pillorying - if this was you, how would you handle it?

I’ll reword this as, “Over the past week I’ve seen multiple examples of poor behaviour from one child, who is coming to my child’s party. What do I do when or if that child misbehaves or hurts mine?”

Out in the real world of course I wouldn’t refer to any child as a horror. On an anonymous internet forum however, I’ll use my liberties.

You are out of order calling one child the class horror.

They're 4, you have no idea what's really going on and you just sound judgemental and self-satisfied.

@MyToasterHatesMe

They are still really little, there will be more than one child that misbehaves.

Also plenty of people have answered your question, try reading the thread...

I'd change your attitude to one of less judgement. That way you may make friends with some of the parents which will benefit your child socially.

Thank you to those who replied substantively, it’s helpful.

Theyve been at school a week! If you stand and look at a bunch of reception children for long enough you will see all sorts of behaviour! My dh wouldn't even think to comment on another child's behaviour to me at pick up/drop off.

The things I described were directed at my child so of course I saw them. Seems pretty normal to me for one spouse to say to another, “Yes today was fine but A was a bit upset because B hit them while they were queuing up.”

YABU and deluded. I hope your child is a better person than you and continues to be friends with this little boy.

His parents will be on him, coming from someone who knows I have to watch my DC, I watch them like a hawk and step in when I need to.

You tell the child that we have kind hands and we don't use them to hurt people. If the child carries on approach the parent and say I just wanted to let you know that your child keeps being a little rough with my child I have told him about kind hands but he's done it again. Just wondering if you could have a word as I don't want any accidents happening. Say it light heartedly and maybe put in that the kids are so excited bless them.
Hope this helpsenjoy the party

how awful calling the child a horror, he’s 4!

How have you not been in this situation before? Have you never taken your child out anywhere ever ?? Sounds normal to me for a 4yr old especially first week of school which is a major change.

If anyone hits or pushes they get asked to stop, removed to the side, told that’s not kind and not how we behave. Hardly rocket science !

Over the past week I’ve seen multiple examples of poor behaviour from one child, who is coming to my child’s party. What do I do when or if that child misbehaves or hurts mine?”

Well you didn't make it clear that was your question.

You are being massively dramatic. The child sounds a little wild, but calling him a 'horror' is so nasty.

I can't believe you really need advice regarding managing his behaviour!

If he misbehaves or hurts, you step in & say 'No Jack, you can't do that' & move him along. If his parents are there, I assume they'll address it.

It's a small child's party. It will be bedlam regardless.

And stop judging a small child.

Out in the real world of course I wouldn’t refer to any child as a horror. On an anonymous internet forum however, I’ll use my liberties. [Biscuit] You don't seem to understand what is wrong with labelling a kid like that in your head. You don't sound the type to listen really, so what's the point of advising? The first issue is your attitude towards this kid. It is week one.

I'm not giving details about the party for obvious reasons but it’s outdoors, in an enclosed space, with lots to do in a free flow kind of way. I hope, like a PP said, that that will help. I’m not locking them in a dog pen for an hour and mainlining them Haribo.

Ffs if you really need a script.

Being rough unintentionally "calm down, gentle hands everyone"

Hits somone "No hitting"

Continues "Paul! stop that!"

Next "Mum, can you have a word with Paul. He just hit xxxx"

I suspect the mum will step in long before you have to.

'Please don't hit, that's not kind'. Smile and move on. Rinse and repeat.

Other than that, any other boisterous behaviour at a 4 year olds outdoor party is pretty ok.

Try and be less judgemental too. 4 is still very, very young. He may be a summer born so literally 4 (my nephew started Reception this September, he turned 4 at the end of August!) And if your child likes playing with him, there must be something good there.

This makes me a bit sad, my son has sensory processing disorder. So runs about, accidentally crashes into things struggles with impulse control. He's a sweet boy underneath but struggles. He even tells me he doesn't know why he is like he is which is hard for a 4year old to understand.

If his parents are switched on to it they wont be taking their eyes off him and will be aware of his behaviour. I would imagine they would step in themselves. If not intervene if it's hitting etc or ask them to stop him running around if it's causing issues I.e carrying food etc.

4yr need structure at parties so an activity or bouncy castle

and if you see not nice behaviour just say say xxx don’t do that etx

The first time he hit/pushed I'd say you must do that to X and I'd tell his parent if he does that again he has to leave. Make it their problem.

*Not do that

OP people aren’t answering you ‘properly’ generally because it’s a non-issue and you are being over the top.

Hi,

Hopefully helpful:

Have some organised activities for them to do - think of the kind of things they do at playgroups and copy that. Some group singing can be fun if you have the courage 😬

Little kids love bubbles and dancing too.

At the very least provide some toys for them to play with. We did a treasure hunt thing for mine at that age. They all loved that. Pirate gold was the prize, and everyone got a piece of pirate gold.

If you see this child (or any other) misbehaving, speak firmly 'stop hitting right now! ' in a strong voice. If they don't stop, physically separate the children and ask for the owning parents to come over and deal with their kids, explain nicely that 'with so many kids here, and only 1 of me I really need your help to keep this lot under some control so no one gets hurt, and everyone has a good time'.

If the parents don't step up you have 2 choices - ask them to leave, or do the discipline yourself.

With kids prone to bad/ full-on behaviour my ploy was always to catch them doing something nice /good early on and to heavily praise it with a huge beaming smile 'you are playing so nicely, I think you might have to have an extra special big slice of cake for that later on 😁'.

Most importantly, make sure you watch your child and protect them so that they can have a memorable fun party.

Exactly.

I think you are a bit unfair with your label but I do understand what you mean. There was a child with extremely challenging behaviour in DS nursery class.

Where is the party?

You've said the parents are on it, so you just stay out of it unless your child or your home are directly affected and they aren't doing anything.

FWIW, I don't agree 4 years olds parties need to be structured. It depends on the context and if there is enough for them to occupy themselves e.g. at a play centre.