Queen Passing but Not feeling It – AIBU

[Richielogic]

Now don’t get me wrong, of course it’s a massive loss to the UK, commonwealth and to her family, I get that but for me personally I’m just not feeling it. I think I have so many matters of my own, work and family to deal with and worry about that I just can’t relate to it.

Only today three hours before the official announcement, all five main UK TV channels were nonstop talking about the queen and we have gone into what I can only describe as a “24hr Queenathon” where in respect, TV is in a loop just talking about the same thing over and over constant. We will have weeks of this now and a bank holiday so more business interruption at a horrendous economic time and I’m sick of it already.

It's not that I’m uncompassionate, I got very upset recently over some of the atrocities that children in Ukraine have faced from Russian aggression, they have something to really worry about at night, that really upset me but with the Queen passing I’m just not feeling it. I will celebrate the life of the Queen, she has been amazing, but I can’t relate to mourning over her, I just can’t.

My Sister-in-law today has been in tears over the Queens death, half of me feels like saying “just get a grip, you're lucky that’s all you need to cry about” of course I won't, will just nod and say it's very sad but I just think, yes Queens been incredible, let's celebrate her life but as for mourning, shouldn’t that be for direct family only? AIBU?

Finally, at 96 I feel she had a really long life, worked hard but the best of everything. Some good people just don’t get a fraction of that, maybe that’s also a factor for me. Anyone else feeling the same or am I being uncompassionate?

👏 👏

Those are both excellent posts.

The same way you didn't explain how my comment about irony going off the radar was incorrect. I must have missed your reasoning behind it.

I feel that it's the end of an era and the last of a certain kind of dedicated public servant - she was a real trooper!
I am sad for her family but sad in the same way I was when someone like David Bowie or Mandela died.

I think it's hard for a lot of people as it brings up memories of their family members and I am sad that whilst the queen had a dignified death in comfort there are so many people that don't have that option , I was out with a district nurse many years ago and saw nice old people declining in bedsits and quite unpleasant nursing homes.

I feel particularly sad for the Queen that her last few years were (as she put it )an annus horribilis, covid, The antics of the government, squabbling family situations, Philips death and an awfully sad funeral , Andy's shenanigans. That will no doubt have all took its toll-

Performative grief. I hadn't heard this term before. I wonder whether people who are more likely to be more demonstrative in their grief were also more likely to be the ones clapping on their doorstep during lockdown. It feels empty and misdirected. I also find it sinister in how this performative grief actually contributes to the massive inequality in the UK. How many thousands will die out of poverty and medical neglect and many other injustices and yet people are mourning over someone they did not know. Yet we have an unarmed black man who was shot and you can bet he won't get as near enough media coverage nor a similar public response as the queen has got. The queen enjoyed a full life and received the best of everything.

@DuvetHugger

I think it's more in response to peoples response. It feels unbalanced. Of course they are welcome to mourn as they wish but that doesn't mean a balanced discussion can't be had about it. People are literally crying over someone they did not know. I would be intrigued to know what is actually going on here. Is it just sheep mentality? It's the ‘right’ thing to do...

All of this

I feel this is much more balanced response. It recognises the inherent sadness of loss but is also balanced.

Not left then after all...

The same way you didn't explain how my comment about irony going off the radar was incorrect. I must have missed your reasoning behind it.

I asked you to explain, because I knew you couldn't, and of course you did not .

With kindness I think you need to leave the thread as you stated you intended to do. I don't see that you've read the thread properly and you're arguing with several posters. I particularly objected to you accusing one poster of irony as it was simply untrue and showed a lack of understanding on your part.

People from overseas, might be crying over somebody they never knew, but still respected. It is different for the UK. I was overwhelmed because I have never known another Monarch during my lifetime. The significance of that for many others, may be what has triggered such disbelief.

Anyway, I'm going to adhere to the wise words of @DuvetHugger.

I'm aware this does make me angry because I strongly feel it does fuel the inequality of everything. It somehow acts like a smokescreen for the absolute travesties, inequalities and abuse that so many suffer. It just feels like for many mourning they flock to something society perceives as the right thing to mourn but will then ignore the homeless guy sitting at the same spot each day. My FB feed is filled with condolences. Copy and pasted. It's easy. And hence feels inauthentic and empty. This is what makes me angry.

Once again, this is posted in the AIBU section. Do you not anticipate discord? As I said from the beginning, you don't understand irony. You are also arguing with me! Double irony.

I'm not emotionally effected by the Queen's death, but find the general atmosphere depressing and lowering my mood, which I could do without.
I think the circumstances call for a much more positive tone, to celebrate an incredibly good and long life, and (for those who value monarchy) the start of a new era.
I understand the need for some people to demonstrate respect, but don't see why it has to be all doom and gloom.
Members of the public are not 'grieving', as for even the most ardent royalist, the Queen is not a real figure in their lives who will be missed in any true sense of the word, so I genuinely don't understand the need of some to go through the rituals of mourning, making themselves unnecessarily and disproportionately upset by seeking out sentiment and sadness.
Imo its a lot healthier to try to keep persepective and focus on getting on with our real lives.

As I said from the beginning, you don't understand irony.
How odd you've forgotten already (try scrolling back). It was I who, from the beginning, said you didn't understand irony. You'd addressed another poster and I pointed it out. It's clearly upset you.

You're still here, arguing with several people, after saying you were leaving...

@Sparklybutold Totally agree with your post. I think some people need to develop a healthy sense of proportionality. It's interesting you mentioned the clapping on doorsteps thing. Personally I would prefer that people took note that staff had been left unprotected despite pandemic preparation reports 4 years before and not gone along with what was essentially 'distraction' techniques. If you don't go along with it you were made to feel a party pooper.

If our economy falters and tanks which it already is but gets much worse then the people's anger will become much more acute. And then you can bet your bottom dollar the tabloids will be full of Kate and William stories and the like as a form of mass distraction. I had my brief moment of sadness and reflection but I'm sorry if I don't buy into the whole British imperial story. As a human being, I feel sorry at the death of any person who was essentially good but as an institution, I wish to see it gone.

And there are alternative narratives, virtually unspoken like this old lady who suffered brutally at the hands of the British during the Queen's reign and sought an apology and compensation but got none. We paper over this in our history and pretend these things didn't happen., but they did and in relatively recent times as well.

Tony Benn who renounced his peerage reminded me of his belief that those in positions of economic, social and political power should always be asked five questions:

“What power have you got?”
“Where did you get it from?”
“In whose interests do you use it?”
“To whom are you accountable?”
“How do we get rid of you?”

@Crikeyalmighty

It all feels performative and brilliant politically because it prevents people from digging deeper and actually thinking. I work in social care and have my conditions approved? Have they fuck. But it's no longer sexy to clap like seals. Instead it feels people jump onto the next thing. It's easy and requires little thought beyond copying what everyone else does. And yet those that don't do it are perceived negatively. Again - perfect politically.

I think the circumstances call for a much more positive tone, to celebrate an incredibly good and long life, and (for those who value monarchy) the start of a new era

Yes it's sad she's gone - as I said on a thread yesterday, even though you knew nobody lives forever, it felt like she would. And after the Queen Mother made it to 100 I thought the Queen would too. But it's not a tragedy when a 96 year old dies, and she had an incredibly interesting life.

Once the funeral is over it's time to look forward. I am sure some Commonwealth countries will be considering if they want to continue with the monarchy and either way it's a new era. People don't like change and 70 years is a long time, but it happens regardless.

Its sentiment. Many people get pleasure from experiencing sadness in a safe way, like watching a tear jerker film. Have a good cry, while knowing all the time you've nothing really to be sad about. Better still when you're able to enjoy a feeling of community with others doing the same.

I am feeling absolutely no sadness about the death of a wealthy, privileged 96 year old who died in one of her properties, warm and fed with family who love her.

I am hoping that businessess/events do not have to close for 10 days as "the nation mourns" (eh?) Which will mean more money lost for people who are already absolutely struggling.

I feel more sorrow for elderly people who are having to chose between food or heating.

This country is full of numpties and their performativec grieving. It’s just embarrassing and sad.
As for the Facebook huns😂
96 year old women dies. Shocker!!!

It is ridiculous- radio playing sad songs all day. Doesn't genuinely affect anyone but her family

@5128gap

Really interesting perspective - ‘grief in a safe way’

Yes. What would be a helpful gesture is if the new king started his reign with a simple statement requesting that people stop with the flowers and instead donate to food banks or other charities in memory of the Queen. Even if only some listened it could make a huge difference.

Agreed.