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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family won't respect our no screen policy foe DS

343 replies

MoMuM7 · 08/09/2022 07:19

I have a no screen policy for DS (1 yo). Everyone who watches him ie family, childcare knows this. I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child? BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly.
I have now decided she can only see him when I'm around. She's very upset. Family thinks im over reacting. AIBU?

OP posts:
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 07:25

Are you paying her to look after your child, or is it a favour to her that he goes?

giveovernate · 08/09/2022 07:26

YABVU.

Afterfire · 08/09/2022 07:27

I think you need to unclench.

Some TV and screen time isn’t going to cause any damage to your child - them losing relationships with those who love them because you have such strict views is far more damaging.

I have two children now aged 10 and 19. If you monitor screen time at your own house that’s enough. You really need to pick your battles.

vroom321 · 08/09/2022 07:27

It's hard looking after kids if you don't have them yourself. I wouldn't like to look after someone else's child if mine weren't around.

lookingformycheck · 08/09/2022 07:27

Are you paying her, and at a rate you'd pay a childminder?

If yes YANBU

It no then YABVVVU

XmasElf10 · 08/09/2022 07:28

If she is doing you a favour by babysitting then YABVU… if your kid is alive, fed, watered and mostly clean then she’s done a good job!

YellowTreeHouse · 08/09/2022 07:28

YABVU and PFB.

Dont ruin familial relationships because of ridiculous rules that don’t mean anything.

LowDownn · 08/09/2022 07:29

Unless you’re paying her to provide childcare then you don’t get to have a tantrum about it. However, if she lied to you about it then she’s being unreasonable too.

Needmorelego · 08/09/2022 07:29

Did you tell her as you said it here - a "no screens policy"?
She might have thought that meant computers, phones or tablets.
Not a bit of Cbeebies !
Breathe my dear. Breathe.

DDivaStar · 08/09/2022 07:29

I get where you're coming from, but why is she looking after him for so long ? Is this childcare ? or just a visit to Aunties ?

Stompythedinosaur · 08/09/2022 07:29

It is pretty hard to entertain a dc, particularly if you aren't used to it.

I think you'll need to stick with paid childcare with such strict rules.

Snowiscold · 08/09/2022 07:30

Why is your child even at your sister’s for hours?

Cosycover · 08/09/2022 07:31

Best not ever put him in a nursery then.

Or you could move into the 21st century and get a grip.

Apollonia1 · 08/09/2022 07:31

I agree with you. Whatever your policy is (be it no screen time/ no chocolate etc) your family and childminders should respect it.

Did your sister say why she put a 1-year old in front of a screen for hours?

My twins are 2.5, and only recently started to look at a screen (they love PeppaPig).

pennysarah · 08/09/2022 07:32

Yes yabu and v pfb.

TooHotToTangoToo · 08/09/2022 07:32

I agree with other pp, if you're paying her the going rate for a cm then yanbu, if it's a favour, then yabu.

HappyHappyHermit · 08/09/2022 07:33

YABVU. This is really quite ridiculous. When you fo to someone's house and they are watching TV with their children are you going to make them turn it off? Screens will be part of children's lives, they shouldn't be over used certainly, but they do have a place. Building relationships and connections with other familiar adults is extremely important to a child's development, you will be doing your child a huge disservice to deprive him of the bond he is building with your sister.

brookstar · 08/09/2022 07:34

A bit of tv really isn't a big deal. Especially when someone is offering you free childcare 🤷🏼‍♀️

So unless you're paying her industry rates you need to relax a little.

RainbowSlaw · 08/09/2022 07:34

This will do him no harm - you will seriously damage your relationship with your sister though.

Saying she can only have supervised contact with him is an absurd over reaction - you are imposing the same restrictions on her that are put on people who have chronic drug addictions, profound learning disabilities, or convictions against children. She just let him watch some telly....

FrecklesMalone · 08/09/2022 07:34

I had a very strict screen policy when mine were young and very glad I did. However I realised that some people did want to follow it and that was then entirely my decision to not take up their offers of childcare.

ZenNudist · 08/09/2022 07:36

Another one who thinks if your dsis is looking after her for hours you don't get to say how she does it. Providing she's safe and well.

I have the attitude that I can't police my rules when other people are doing me a favour. This goes for diet as well as TV/ gaming.

UnagiForLife · 08/09/2022 07:36

It sounds like your sister wants to see your child on her own by how upset you said she was when you told her she couldn’t. So I’m not getting the impression you use her for childcare but I might be wrong. I think YANBU to ask her not to use screens while she’s with him if she is wanting to spend time with him alone. If she’s looking after him as a favour to you then I don’t think you can enforce that rule, it’s up her how she looks after him and if you don’t like it find alternative childcare.

I do think no screens at all is a bit extreme though and voted YABU on that basis. A bit of screen time is fine, kids need down time too and if they’re too young to read proficiently this a great way they can relax, zone out and feed their imaginations in my opinion. It does need to be limited and monitored though. Your sister obviously is of the opinion that he’s missing out, which I agree with. Do you have no screens yourself? Otherwise it’s petty hypocritical to not let your child have screen time.

Sockwomble · 08/09/2022 07:36

You can't set rules like this for your family and then expect them to watch your kid for a favour.

Petronus · 08/09/2022 07:36

Yes, it can be very hard to entertain a one year old that’s not yours. Way harder than looking after your own kids.

PugInTheHouse · 08/09/2022 07:37

YABVU and really OTT, you will look back and feel embarrassed by your behaviour in years to come.