Family won't respect our no screen policy foe DS

[MoMuM7]

I have a no screen policy for DS (1 yo). Everyone who watches him ie family, childcare knows this. I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child? BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly.
I have now decided she can only see him when I'm around. She's very upset. Family thinks im over reacting. AIBU?

They are your rules not theirs.

It's fine. Stop stressing and day thank you for looking after my child

Trust me you won't give a shit when they are 18

Let's see if the OP returns.

How on earth did our mothers manage without wretched screens?

My mum and I were actually discussing this recently as I was beating myself up about screen time. Her answer was that the kids were sent out to play all day long and told not to come back until tea time!

Babies don't need screens but if someone's providing free childcare for you and sticks CBeebies on you don't need to ban them from caring for your child.

Agree with others - you’re not being unreasonable to have your own views and “policies”, but you are wholly unreasonable to inflict those on people who are doing you a favour. Either look after your own child or pay someone who agrees to those terms.

How on earth did our mothers manage without wretched screens?

By leaving DC in a play pen whilst they got things done. So not necessarily any better than watching Yakka Dee or Hey Duggee.

We are a no screen family too (although we do have a tv - more a no gadget family)

Left them in a playpen or pram while they did the work they needed to do.

No better than a screen really.

If she’s watching him free then you don’t get to decide how she spends her day. If you’re unhappy with the care offered by family then put her in childcare for more days

There is a pretty good systemic review here: Systemic reviews take into account lots of studies and collate the information.

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/9/1/e023191

I limited all screen time for my children when they were tiny and definitely don't look back on it as a mistake - entirely the opposite.

I did not let my baby cry it out in her cot. My Mum babysat DC and is pro crying it out but I made it clear that I wasn't OK with that and asked her to rock DC in the buggy instead. Which she did.

I don't see a difference between that and requesting no TV. I am also not keen on TV and rarely turn it on for DC or myself. I understand you OP. I think your sister should appreciate your no screen rule and follow the under 2 guidance.

Cry it out is developmentally detrimental to the point of neglect/ cruelty at a young age. A few hours of TV, on a rare occasion (particularly when no TV is watched at home),.is totally false equivalence. Unless op is using her relatives frequently for childcare of course, in which case she can stop using them for childcare and screen time is intact. Her social life and bank balance might not be though.

@MoMuM7

get a grip

she doesn’t need to entertain him every minute he’s with her

HTH

Well I mean it must be easy to have a no screen rule at home when you've got other people looking after your child for hours at a time

So? If I was babysitting and was requested not to put on Cocomelon I wouldn't do it. No big deal. In fact, I don't think I ever put on the TV for children whilst babysitting.

I am also astonished that so few people take the research behind the no screens under 2 rule seriously. The other day I read a thread on Facebook where the majority of people have the TV on as background noise all day!

Look after your child yourself then.. Honestly a lot of people would give their eye teeth to have family around to look after their child. Be grateful for what you've got, or stop taking advantage of your relatives.

"I try and compromise by thinking that it's an exciting treat for DC, and by requesting to avoid some programmes I particularly dislike. So no Peppa Pig, Cocomelon or Teletubbies. But Charlie and Lola, Mr Tumble and Moon and Me are ok."

Pmsl 🤣

My Mum babysat DC and is pro crying it out

• another answer to how previous generations managed without screen, I suspect.

YABU a d very pfb. Pay for childcare if you aren't happy but you will find many nurseries and childminders will allow tv watching occasionally.

I think all of those that have told the OP to unclench, or relax about this, seem to have forgotten or have chosen not to realise that this could easily have been about the OP saying "Don't give our child sweets" and the OP's sister wants to be the fun aunt and subsequently gives the child sweets.

This isn't really about the television, it's about a boundary that the OP and her partner/husband has set down and want to be adhered to, for their child.

The television won't do any harm to the child but the OP has asked that there is no television when others are looking after the child. How difficult would it be to follow that request for a few hours?

I am not surprised your sister is upset. I am astonished that you need to ask why! You have pretty much ruined your future relationship with your sister, and this won't be easily forgotten. Your family think you are being ridiculous, and the longer this goes on the more they will be angry at you for upsetting your sister over such a silly thing. And you are potentially ruining any relationship between your child and his aunt. She loves the child, spends a lot of time supporting you as parents whilst also getting to spend time with a much loved nephew, and does this for no better reason than she is your sister and this is what families do. Good luck ever getting a favour from her in the future.

None of your family are going to want to look after your child if you keep this up!

This is honesty not worth causing bad feelings in the family and you could destroy the potential of your little one having relationships with your family.

We were screen free but would not have expected anyone caring for free to follow this.

How on earth did our mothers manage without wretched screens?

A much higher proportion would have been stay at home mums and it was just accepted that was the way of the world and their role in life was to raise the kids. Nowhere near the same competing pressures of work v home, running around madly in the evenings trying to prepare for the following day, cramming all housework into evenings and weekends. Times have changed.

I'm surprised at the responses on this thread, I think if your sister knew your feelings about television then it's incredibly disrespectful to plonk your child in front of a TV.

I'm saying this as someone who does let my DD 18 months watch TV. It's not about the TV it's about your decisions as a parent and it's about trust, if you can't trust her to follow something as simple as no TV then what else will she disregard.

Also the comments about the OP ruining the relationship between Aunty and the child, she's not saying they don't see each other, she's saying no unsupervised visits. Which is very reasonable.

I remember before I had kids someone telling me they took their vegetarian nephew to McDonalds and gave them a cheese burger every time they took care of them. As a child free person, I thought this was amusing. As a mother I now see how disrespectful and unnecessary this was.

I don't know what age you are but we had a tv when I was young and I'm late 40s.

You have to go back a few generations now now to not have screens.