Family won't respect our no screen policy foe DS

[MoMuM7]

I have a no screen policy for DS (1 yo). Everyone who watches him ie family, childcare knows this. I've recently discovered that my sister has been letting him watch TV for HOURS when he goes over to hers. She loves him to bits but why won't she abide by my rules? Is it really that hard to entertain a child? BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly.
I have now decided she can only see him when I'm around. She's very upset. Family thinks im over reacting. AIBU?

I don't know any baby who just sits and watches hours of television.

The reality is probably more like the TV's just on and she's still interacting with him throughout those hours whilst he watches then plays then watches then plays and so on.

I'd bet my house actually that the child isn't just sat there staring at a TV unmoving for hours.

I have a baby.

Yes I've also had one. As have probably most people on this thread.

At first I was ready to say you were wrong but actually, coco melon has been proven to be really shit for children. Like visual cocaine! And one of mine couldn’t cope with screens as a toddler. So, it sounds like she just wants to borrow him, toy like and unsupervised, rather than actually put any effort in with him so…..no. I’d stop it too and tell her she can visit or take him to parks and that’s it.

OP asked for opinions on her boundaries though so people are giving them.

If my colleague told me they had a no screen rule for their child then fair enough I'd not comment but OP literally asked if she were unreasonable so what are we supposed to say?

Oh no we couldn't possibly comment OP because we must respect your parental boundaries.

She asked and we answered.

When my son was your DD's age, we had a no tv rule at home, but my son LOVED cuddling up with his grandparents to watch cartoons together at their home. Made me happy to see it.

You need to relax and be grateful for your sister.

Also, "BTW she's single, lives alone and as far as I can tell has no other responsibilities/distractions that would cause her to plonk DD infront of the telly."

Yes, now that you are an ALL IMPORTANT parent, no one has as many responsibilities/distractions as you do. 🙄🙄

You're so wrong it's laughable.
Come along to some of the domestic abuse threads & learn about what a victim actually is you absolute melt.

I've been giving OP constructive advice to help her get what she needs while reconciling with her sister & getting to a place of mutual understanding between them.

YOU, however ... have just been a wind-up merchant, & are sewing more discord with your black & white thinking.
Also - anyone who bangs on about parent's boundaries is inevitably thinking of themselves rather than their child. "It's my way or the highway!" "I will forbid you to see my child" "Mother knows best!!"
Fucking ridiculous.

I think, although it's up to OP to clarify, that she was asking opinions on if she was being unreasonable to have only supervised visitation because her sister wouldn't abide by her boundaries and lied to her. She didn't ask for opinions on her no screen policy. People on here, out of guilt it seems, are lashing out at her over her no screen rule. Whereas if it was a MIL ignoring the no chocolate or no lactose or only go on walks if he's on a leash wishes, most people would say an OP wasn't being unreasonable. It's the blatant hypocrisy from the clearly pro-screen posters, that are basically trying to justify their own choices, that gets me.

I’m clearly in the minority! If I am afforded the privilege of looking after my nephew, paid or not, I am absolutely respecting the parents rules on screen time. It’s not like this kid is 7 years old and watching a couple of hours, he’s only ONE years old. Sure I’d be asking the parents to bring some toys, books or something (if I’m single I’m unlikely to have this) and hopefully be making some attempt to go for a walk or to the playground or something. Sure TV for 20 mins or half an hour here or there won’t hurts to break up the day, but if the parent is adamant that it’s a no then I would stick to that and if I couldn’t then I wouldn’t offer to babysit for a lengthy period. There are lots of ways to bond with a baby without using a screen.

Your post is so unhinged and ridiculous it says far more about you than me. The defensiveness for your choice is quite obvious, you are so wrong and I think you know it hence your overwrought language, that really ads nothing to the discussion and doesn't help the OP at all. If you had any sense you'd withdraw from the thread. That's all I have to say.

Yes I'm not trying to win a medal for being the second person on this thread to have birthed a child.

I'm just providing some personal background to explain my opinion. Much as you did with your story about snuggling up on the sofa with your little boy. Am I not allowed to do that?

So your telling your sister she can't turn her own TV on in her own house

YANBU to supervise visits if someone is being untrustworthy, doesn’t matter who it is. It is a matter of respect for you as a parent, it’s no one else’s right to pass judgment on your personal parenting boundaries. Your sister may be happy for her child to have lots of screen time one day (if she goes on to have kiddos), my DS has much more screen time than I thought I’d ever give him before I became a mum, but hey, I respect the fact that some people have strict rules and that’s up to them. As a sister, or friend, or in whatever capacity I am to them, I would respect their rules. It’s not unreasonable to have those looking after your child, to respect your rules.

Well said. And that, is what this topic is about. Not any poster's beliefs on screen time or their guilty consciences, but the OP being respected as a parent and her wishes respected.

Your sister should respect your decision. But she doesn’t. So I’d suggest no more time at her flat. If she wants to spend time with him, she can come with your house or to the park or activities or take him herself. But sitting in a flat watching TV is not quality time.

Your post is so unhinged and ridiculous it says far more about you than me.
What does it say about me?
That I've tried to help OP with constructive advice, which undermines you so you decided to invent a "position" that I hold about TV?
I'm not the one inventing stuff here @CatsandFish so be wary where you cast your kneejerk & unoriginal "unhinged" lest it makes you look a bit silly & lacking in comprehension skills.

The defensiveness for your choice is quite obvious, you are so wrong
What defensiveness?
What choice?
Do enlighten us.

and I think you know it hence your overwrought language, that really ads nothing to the discussion
It's up to OP whether she feels any specific PP has added to her discussion.
Who died & made you Thread Monitor? Also, do you get a special badge?

and doesn't help the OP at all.
What "help" have you offered OP?
What practical advice?
What constructive advice for how to approach her sister?
Yeah, that's right - fuck all.
Whereas if you'd bothered to actually read anything I've written to her ...

If you had any sense you'd withdraw from the thread.
😂😂😂
This is such a delightfully odd mixture of pomposity & feebleness I'm not sure where to start ... so I'll just leave it there for others to rock with laughter at.

That's all I have to say.
Bet you a fiver it isn't.

@CatsandFish

noone had to spend every second with a kid when they’re looking after them

Some people just really show themselves up. 😂

Sighs..
Your child your rules.
Wherever you go your rules may be difficult to keep. Good luck.
Most of us here have DC. Quite a few will be able to reassure you that nothing awful will happen to your DC if they watch a screen for a bit. Some of them even grow up to be nice people.
Maybe moderation in all things.

Um... they would have had toys to play with! They weren't left facing a blank wall!!

I never said they did. I'm not even commenting on screen time. I am saying, regardless of my views or your views or the sister's views, the OP said no to screen time. Her wishes should be respected.

If it's not a situation that's working for your child and your DSis is unwilling to change anything - I think it perfectly reasonable to do something else and invite the aunt along to something with you there.

I don't think that's an overreaction or wider families business - if the Aunt is upset well she's an adult had was given option of changing situation and declined and Op seems happy enough to do thing with Aunt still with her there - so she's not denying a relationship between Aunt and Op child.

Stuff about screens time and what to watch - is incidental - OP feels situation isn't what she expected, isn't doing her child any good has raised it and been dismissed and has lost confidence that the Aunt will respect parenting decisions - at least one Aunt doesn't agree with - logical thing to do is discontinue situation and find a new way forward.

As child gets older the entire situation can be re-thought - and Op stance of screen time will have probably adapted with change of circumstances as well.

A dumb assumption. Firstly, tv is hardly teaching a child to entertain themselves. Secondly, people who don't use screen times aren't automatically entertaining the child all the time. My 18 mo old happily played with their play kitchen whilst I folded laundry and happily played in their cot with their doll and book whilst I showered.

You are raising a child to need to be entertained by an adult at all times.

I wasn't keen on screen time with my children when they were one or bit older.

That changed as they got older and they were perfectly capable and still are - all teens - of entertaining themselves - I only really place limits on youngest 13 not so much time as content.

They get older situations change and thus rules and restrictions change.

OP can I have your sisters number? I'd love to ask her how she gets a 1yo to sit and watch TV for literal hours.

I babysit my 1.5yo niece one day a week and she is exhausting! She doesn't sit still for 2 minutes, never mind 2 hours and sometimes I'd kill to be able to just put her in front of the TV for 10 minutes so I can get something done quickly without her under my feet or "helping" - making/clearing up from lunch, tidying up toys, hanging laundry out etc.

We don't tend to watch TV as usually we do activities or she plays with her toys when she's at my house but sometimes while she's napping after lunch I will put the TV on and watch a programme with a cuppa for half an hour. When she wakes up, often it's just left on in the background unless I remember to turn it off and she barely even looks at it never mind sits down to watch, regardless of what's on.

A mother of 2? Well as DS is being treated like PFB he probably is. Is the second child younger?

That's probably what's disturbing his sleep, a new baby. Or it could just be that sleeping patterns change as we grow.