AIBU?
Maternity ward visitor is driving me mad
custardshire · 08/09/2022 04:09
I had a baby yesterday and I’m currently on the post natal ward. Right next to me there’s a couple which baby cries all day and all night. I’m fine with that and I sympathise with the mother. The staff is being really helpful and supportive as well.
tonight her baby woke up and cried desperately for over 30 minutes and both partner and mother were sound asleep and snoring really loud! I called the midwife to help the baby (hungry and had a full nappy). Again, I’ve got no problems whatsoever with the mum she must be having a very difficult time.
Her partner however is driving me insane! He snores like an animal all night long. She’s awake now and AIBU to think she should wake him up and make him move or change position? I would definitely do it to my DH. I can hear her moving and walking around so perhaps she could at least poke him whatever to try to make him stop? She’s just there minding her own business whilst her partner is keeping me and my newborn awake with his snore that sounds like a trumpet.
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
RachaelN · 10/09/2022 05:29
I absolutely hated! Hated! Going into the ward. Had to stay a few days due to a heart murmur. My god I could have murdered the lass in the bed over from me. Talking on her phone a 3am, having about 15 visitors at once while I'm feeling vulnerable. Stole my visitor chairs with my stuff on and put t it all on the floor. I was livid and it made the first fews days unbearable. I cried alot.
Was so happy when I got home to my 18 month old and a quiet house.
Zoejj77 · 10/09/2022 10:16
I know this pain of being stuck on a post natal ward for days. I sent my husband home. It’s so annoying but I think it’s just the lack of sleep and overwhelming feeling of being unwell and with a newborn. I had a woman who had twins and her interpreter snored all night. She was useless with her babies and rarely fed them the nurses ran all around helping her she brought no formula no bottles and had no intention of BF
gimmepeaceandsky · 10/09/2022 11:38
It sounds awful. It is a horrible place to be and I couldn’t wait to go home.
i would tell her to have some decency and wake him up.
If I ever had another child I would go privately like I have my first one. My own room, no one to bother.
my second was in a ward like yours. Lesson learned! What a terrible place to be with your newborn with many other families around.
i feel for you and I hope you get out of there soon.
axolotlfloof · 10/09/2022 14:01
I don't think Father's should stay on maternity wards.
They are not the patient, and they take up space, and make some women feel uncomfortable.
I had my first in hospital but insisted on going home the same day, and home Borth with my 2nd.
If I was staying in a maternity ward I would prefer it to be just women, at night.
Smellyoldowls22 · 10/09/2022 14:04
Mazel tov to you OP, I hope you're soon home enjoying the cuddles.
I've had two very different pn ward experiences - first was so bad it gave me symptoms of ptsd for years, second, last winter, was great and I stayed in an extra day to get feeding sorted.
The difference seems to have been a relatively quiet ward and clear instructions from my perinatal mental health team that included me having a side room if possible (it was possible). It was quite a healing experience actually.
Soubriquet · 10/09/2022 14:56
TooManyMoronsHere · 09/09/2022 21:49
Yep, same! Aside from my stitches I also lost a lot of blood and almost needed a blood transfusion. I wasn't able to get up (as I was so weak and close to fainting) and go to my baby and change their nappy or feed them. I would have been completely helpless without my partner there - He took care of our baby when I wasn't able to! Reading some of these comments makes me sad that so many women are judging innocent men who are trying to support their partners (during a difficult time) and look after their baby. My husband was absolutely exhausted and sleeping in a tiny armchair just so he could look after us both.
I'm sure sexually harassing women behind curtains is what a lot of the men have on their mind on a maternity ward FGS!
toodlesthen · 08/09/2022 07:04
Partners were encouraged to stay when I had my daughter. All mothers on the ward had c-sections and the partners were doing all the work. Nurses were only administering pain relief drugs. London.
There will be a very low risk of men wanting to sexually assault women just after giving birth, but that risk is never zero.
Women are extremely vulnerable after giving birth. Surely their and their babies safety should be paramount. This should extend to no men on the maternity ward after visiting hours
Miisty · 10/09/2022 16:48
My daughter for her 2nd had a c:s and came home asap with strong painkillers Only reason out early was I was a midwife and looked after her and the younger one You never get a rest on postnatal ward My son born 36 years ago wanted me to stay in for rest(told them you are kidding no rest in here at least at home only my baby crying )
Emotionalsupportviper · 10/09/2022 20:59
There will be a very low risk of men wanting to sexually assault women just after giving birth, but that risk is never zero
Absolutely! And even one is too many.
And a number women on here have spoken about men leering at them when they were trying to B/F their babies - this may not be a physical assault, ut it is repulsive.
KelvingrovesBest · 12/09/2022 13:35
I do wish some on her wouldn’t swear!
Please please. It so natural to some that the children must pick this up. Its just not thoughtful positive parenting. Bad enough listening to some using this ‘potty’ language, it can just slip out but to type it! Gross.
Just because I swear on here, doesn't mean I swear in front of my children.QweenT · 12/09/2022 13:55
This reply has been deleted
This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.
Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 12/09/2022 14:01
TooManyMoronsHere · 09/09/2022 21:49
Yep, same! Aside from my stitches I also lost a lot of blood and almost needed a blood transfusion. I wasn't able to get up (as I was so weak and close to fainting) and go to my baby and change their nappy or feed them. I would have been completely helpless without my partner there - He took care of our baby when I wasn't able to! Reading some of these comments makes me sad that so many women are judging innocent men who are trying to support their partners (during a difficult time) and look after their baby. My husband was absolutely exhausted and sleeping in a tiny armchair just so he could look after us both.
I'm sure sexually harassing women behind curtains is what a lot of the men have on their mind on a maternity ward FGS!
toodlesthen · 08/09/2022 07:04
Partners were encouraged to stay when I had my daughter. All mothers on the ward had c-sections and the partners were doing all the work. Nurses were only administering pain relief drugs. London.
It's fine for the mother's to be supported by their partners if there's appropriate facilities for this. Chucking an extra 6 people only a 6 person ward so it's overcrowded with no privacy is not appropriate for anyone, least of all the mothers.
Soubriquet · 12/09/2022 14:07
KelvingrovesBest · 12/09/2022 13:35
I do wish some on her wouldn’t swear!
Please please. It so natural to some that the children must pick this up. Its just not thoughtful positive parenting. Bad enough listening to some using this ‘potty’ language, it can just slip out but to type it! Gross.
Oh fuck off.
Guess what. We are a swearing family. My children know they aren’t allowed to swear at their age.
It isn’t difficult.
FlatWhiteExtraHot · 14/09/2022 12:16
KelvingrovesBest · 12/09/2022 13:35
I do wish some on her wouldn’t swear!
Please please. It so natural to some that the children must pick this up. Its just not thoughtful positive parenting. Bad enough listening to some using this ‘potty’ language, it can just slip out but to type it! Gross.
I think you mean “loo” or “toilet” language don’t you? 😉
I would hazard a guess that 99% of “positive parents” 🤮 know the difference between an adult audience like this, where we can say what the fuck we like, and talking to small children.
Melonapplepear · 17/11/2022 09:10
KelvingrovesBest · 12/09/2022 13:35
I do wish some on her wouldn’t swear!
Please please. It so natural to some that the children must pick this up. Its just not thoughtful positive parenting. Bad enough listening to some using this ‘potty’ language, it can just slip out but to type it! Gross.
Oh chill out.
LookItsMeAgain · 17/11/2022 09:42
@Melonapplepear - www.mumsnet.com/talk/site_stuff/4678030-what-is-this-you-might-also-like-clutter?page=3&reply=121585836
Just passing this info along as I'm not sure you realised that you bumped up a thread that was last posted on (before your message) back in early September.
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