Maternity ward visitor is driving me mad

Midwives probably thought it was more than their jobs worth to ask him to leave…

Asking him to leave is the job of the midwife. Enforcing him leaving is the job of the security that hospitals unfortunately have to have. If they suspected abuse, I would hope they would have put pressure on him leaving so they could get the woman on her own.

I’ll never understand the ‘men shouldn’t be allowed on the ward, men shouldn’t be allowed to stay over’ comments. Utterly bizzare. Have any of you had babies in recent years, especially post Covid?

Midwives are rushed off their feet and barely have time to give you your meds without you having to ask. There isn’t any help from them at all and if there is, you’re limited to about 5/10 mins of their time. Having a partner there to actually help and do everything that you need is beneficial. Or should women just struggle straight after having babies for the sake of men not being allowed on the ward….

If the care ever improves on the postnatal ward, then maybe it can be suggested that men don’t stay (and even then, why should it? Should men not be allowed to bond with their newborn baby straight away?)

Let’s not forget, it’s not JUST men that snore on the postnatal ward. Women do too. They also look into your section when the blinds are open and stay up speaking on the phone until all hours of the night. In an ideal world, everyone should have private rooms until they’re discharged but it’s just not possible.

Oh and I had a baby in early 2021 and early 2022. Different hospitals and the care from the midwives and maternity support workers were piss poor. Women were having to help each other due to the poor lack of care so yes, partners are needed on the ward.

Okay rant over and OP you’re not BU. Like you mentioned, she could have nudged him to reposition or just wake him and tell him to shut up. Not sure why he has to have a great sleep and disturb others as if he’s just had the baby

Partners are allowed to stay because there isn't the staff to care for new mothers and their babies. The safety and comfort of vulnerable women is jeopardised because of the shit state of the NHS, its outrageous.

Anyway yes I don't know how they manage to make these wards so awful

This is really it tbh

Having my second in Covid times it was loads better without partners or visitors on the ward. You just had to be pushy with the call button.

The particular highlight of my having my first include wetting myself on the ward because a dad was having a shit in the only toilet instead of walking to the visitor bathroom.

I’m sorry OP, postnatal wards are torturous. They wouldn’t let my DH stay but let the partner of another woman stay 🤔one baby had jaundice so was in one of those incubators that lit up the entire room like the sun. The DH who could stay spent the entire time on Candy Crush with the sound on so I just heard “ping” “whoosh” 24/7. One baby screamed all day and all night (no one’s fault but still horrible). And, to trump it all, one woman’s DS (who was about 12) would come and stare at me and peek around the curtain every time I was breastfeeding no matter how many times he was asked not to. I’ve never been so close to hitting a child.

If there’s one space that should be exclusively female, it’s a ward where women are at their most vulnerable, physically and mentally.

Ask for a private room.

It’s so they can do stuff so the midwives don’t have to.

I am pregnant and worried about the post natal ward. My first pregnancy was in a different hospital and I had a private room. I have no idea what it is like this time. I must ask my midwife.

I do not think there should be any partner's sleeping over unless it is a private room.

Dreadful stories . The state of care for women and babies must be at an all time low. Some men may be supportive and helpful but many won’t be. The system should not be relying on them to prop it up. Women should be allowed to rest and recover in an environment that recognises this. Stressed midwives and staff will be very damaging to women feeling vulnerable. For some getting back home quickly may help but for others home will be unsafe and definitely not involve rest. This situation needs urgent action to recruit more midwives and support staff, and the policy of men staying needs to be changed. I would suggest a return to fewer visiting hours for everyone .

What is the point of him staying if he is just going to sleep/snore all night. Surely the only reason would be to help with the baby when it wakes so Mum can rest?? Wasn't a thing in my day, thank god!

This is true. I had 3 x CS and hated every minute of the PN ward. Congratulations on your lovely baby, and I hope you get home soon.

Why are men allowed to sleep on a PN ward?! He should sleep at home.

I had my son 3 1/2 months ago. My partner had to leave at 7am when I got took up to the ward from labour suit. The hospital I was in only aloud partners to be there during visiting which was from 11am-6pm I think it was but none got to sleep over

I hate post natal wards. I had 5 completely sleepless nights and by the time I got home ended up having my gp come round as an emergency as I had some sort of psychotic episode, it was awful. GP said it’s was done to giving birth and no sleep. I opted for a home birth with my second but sadly it didn’t work out but I discharged myself early so I could escape that ward and get some proper sleep!
And this was in the days when partners couldn’t stay, I can only but sympathise. Hopefully you’ll be home soon. Congratulations.

Men shouldn’t be allowed to sleep overnight on postnatal wards. Unfortunately they’re being used to plug staffing gaps. I had a forceps delivery and it was agony getting off the bed to reach DD so DH had to stay overnight and do nappy changes etc. I wouldn’t really have needed him if the cot had been at a height that I could lift her out from the bed. But YANBU, I would definitely ask the midwife to have a word with her.

Congratulations on your own new arrival.

It doesn't bode well for that woman and baby if both her and her DH are snoring through their own child crying for 30 minutes!

You have my sympathies in relation to that!

No, it’s not utterly bizarre that women are aggrieved by having to share a ward with unknown men . Post-partum mothers are vulnerable and sometimes immobile. Often it’s impossible to be fully dressed, especially following a CS, or if a catheter is needed. New mums may need to be partially undressed to establish breastfeeding. Midwives often insist on open curtains to make checks faster. It’s often a struggle to get to the loo, with lots of blood loss and potentially urinary/ bowel issues after a traumatic birth.

Newborn babies are obviously a vulnerable group, utterly dependent on their mothers.

It is a massive safeguarding issue that women and babies are expected to sleep in a room with men they don’t know. The argument goes that men are just there to support their partners , which is by and large true, but abusive men father children too.

We know that the NHS is underfunded and there are insufficient hospital staff. The answer to that is adequate NHS funding, not stripping exhausted new mothers of their privacy and dignity.

I am so relieved my abusive ex wasn't allowed to stay.

The issue is staffing and wards are chronically understaffed.

They need more hca on the wards..

It was the same on kids wards... when i was in as a child parents only visited ... now parents are almost expected to stay..

When my Ds was in a few years ago i went home for a showerr ect. I was phoned because my ds woke up so needed me .

Why are men allowed to stay overnight on a labour ward ?

Ugh no I'm glad it wasn't a thing when mine were born. Partner allowed at the birth and to stay a while until mum and baby ready for the ward. Immediately post birth is a vulnerable time for new mums and I can't imagine a ward full of snoring men is much help!!!

Let’s not forget, it’s not JUST men that snore on the postnatal ward. Women do too.

Yes but the women have to be there, the men don't and their presence means you've got double the numbers of irritating people.

I had my first baby during the first lockdown, and at first I was apprehensive about not having my partner there at all, but I actually appreciated the (relative) calm and privacy of the ward with just mothers, babies and midwives. Especially when I spent the entire first two days almost naked struggling to breastfeed, with the midwives coming in and out to offer advice and help. I really appreciated then not having my ward neighbour's husband and kids and great uncle Ted on the other side of the curtain.

What we desperately need is small individual rooms on postnatal wards with some sound insulation between them, and the option of the baby going to an overnight nursery. They can bring them to you for feeding if they start crying. I honestly don’t understand how women are expected to go through the most agonising and physical experience of their lives, without a reasonable night’s sleep afterwards. I would be interested to see how a lack of sleep in the week after birth correlates to things like PND and slow healing times, because I’m convinced it’s all related.

I agree with other posters that the partners seem to be used as an additional resource because the wards are so poorly staffed. Thankfully at the hospital where I had my DC they couldn’t stay overnight but they were allowed to stay until 9pm, I found that really helpful as DH was able to help me and baby get ready for bed but not there for the actual sleeping. It shouldn’t be needed though! Some of the stories here make me so sad and angry that in 2022 women are still treated this way. Would love to know what it would be like if men gave birth!