Maternity ward visitor is driving me mad

Men shouldn't be allowed to stay on a postnatal ward.

I would hate having men stay. I know my dh hated having to go home, but I felt safer with just us mums.

I did not appreciate the nurse waking me up to tend to my baby whilst he was still asleep though. He wasn’t even grizzling but because it had been 4 hours she insisted I got up and fed him

Yep, I’d much rather have my husband there who I am happy to share everything with and for him to see. No way am I getting my bits out in front of my mum or listening to her way of doing things which is 40 years out of date. And no way would I willingly stay there with a friend and take away the precious first 24 hours of bonding from her husband for me.

For me, of course I want my husband there. But I don’t want anyone else’s husband there. And therein lies the rub as I suspect everyone else feels the same.

We need more money on the NHS to allow for more private rooms and more midwives.

That sounds awful, I really feel for you. You'll be home soon with your baby and don't have to see those inconsiderate people again!! I had similar, it was just the mum but she snored, talked insanely loudly on the phone in the middle of the night and just left the baby crying.

Don't get me wrong my baby cried but i was desperately trying to do everything I could to look after him.

Got no sleep. Strongly considering home birth for second one, not because I want to birth at home but because I don't want to be on that ward again, they wouldn't let me leave. I was so sleep deprived I was hallucinating.

@Blondeshavemorefun

Ever heard of the saying 'birds of a feather flock together'?

Do you think hospitals would change policy for fun?

If women didn't want it even those with the policy allowing it would be male free zones surely

But no

Those that allow men often have men stay

Because many women want it

The thought of men staying overnight on postnatal wards just doesn't sit right with me! I had a baby last week and was on a 4 bed bay the first night and then moved to a side room the second night. My hospital policy was that partners had to leave by 7.30pm and tbh it worked well! I'd have hated to be sitting there with my boobs out all night and random men the other side of the curtain.

Post natal wards are hell. With DD1 there was a lady in the bed right next to me - every day from noon until night her MASSIVE extended family were there, bringing in smelly takeaways, children running amok through the ward, Netflix playing at top volume. They stayed well past when visiting hours should have ended. By the third day I totally lost it, picked up DD1 and sat on the floor in the corridoor in tears with her in my arms. I sat there for half an hour with midwives walking past and completely ignoring me until a lovely cleaner stopped and asked if I was okay. He fetched a midwife and they moved me to a different ward with one, very quiet roommate. It was bliss. Although they kept me in for six days in total, even though there were no problems with DD1, which we were confused by at the time - looking back, I think they thought I'd had some kind of breakdown 😳

Partners aren’t allowed to stay over in the hospital I had my babies in…thank god.

I don't think partners should be allowed to stay it can make an awful start to motherhood for the other mums. My childs a teensnd I had mumoen room with him, own bathroom, and my partner wasn't Llowed to stay. Tbh don't know if I asked 🤣 but I was there for 4 days and he didn't stay. Was lovely.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing my experience is similar. I had a planned section for my first, he had tongue tie, cmpa and severe reflux. I suffered so badly after the cesarean with no oramorph but sent my partner home, though he was allowed to stay. Then baby boy started to get a bit more awake. By 4am they'd had enough of his screaming and took him for a formula feed "while I rested." It was the start of a first year of hell. I got f all sleep that night, on my bay of 6-8 plus partners. I was probably the problem mum with my screaming all night baby, unhelpful/absent midwives, and quiet sobbing.

Second time round was this year, i was dreading it. DP stayed home throughout to look after DS. Precipitous labour, shoulder dystocia, all alone, and then they kept us in overnight because baby girl had to be resuscitated. It was just me and 1 other mum (also alone) on my bay, and her baby was in nicu. She was pretty strung out, assume diamorphine like me, but we chatted and slept no problems. No partners allowed overnight at this point due to covid, and no other visitors (including other children). It helped that baby girl has no health issues bar the tongue tie, and is an excellent feeder!

It seems pretty brutal that we have to share rooms not only with other women, but with men, at the most vulnerable time of our lives. I hate knowing that we caused sleeplessness for other new mums the first time round, even though there was nothing i could do :(

Oh god, I need to proofread before sending. My screens awful sorry. I'm not even drunk yet.

Why is there a man on the ward overnight?

Are you able to go home?

Sad to see that 15 years later from my awful ward experiences staff on Labour/post natal wards allow annoyances like this! Perhaps they make it so hellish so that you don’t want to stay!
No common sense and very little actual
care in the NHS on wards - be better off in a vet hospital

Why the hell is he there all night? I’d hate that.

Feel your pain and I would absolutely say something. I had an 8 bay ward (shoot me please!) and a husband playing music out loud and making phonecalls on loud speaker through the night!
However I disagree with what seems to be the general consensus on this port with regards to dad's staying with the mums on the wards.
I NEEDED my husband with me. I had a very complicated labour and many complications post labour. The midwives get annoyed if you call them too much and honestly can be very snappy, etc. My husband left me for one night (I stayed 5!) and I cried all night. I couldn't have been on my own for 5 nights. Absolutely no way. He helped LOADS but even if it was just for moral support, I NEEDED him.

Why the hell is he there; when I had my children dads got kicked out at 9pm so mums could rest.
He sounds like he’s a complete fucking tool; if he has to stay he could at least be useful & let her sleep & care for the baby.
I’d ask the nurse to turf the useless fucker out.

When I had my 4 I used to HATE the visiting hours with the whole family jabbering all day and I longed for 8pm when they were kicked out. You need peace and quiet to relax with new baby - esp after C-Section!
now that they can stay all night! Omg Hell on earth! I am definitely going to ensure that my DD has medical insurance and has a private room. I really feel for you and yes, I would 100% tell her to wake him - what’s the point of him being there anyway if he’s asleep! Or tell a nurse. You’ve had a major operation ffs!

Wow letting the man stay isn’t the norm everywhere. I was on a six bed ward first time round. First night they took my baby off to feed her so I could get some sleep. There was a teenage mother who had a takeaway delivered and her boyfriend stayed til he was kicked out. They were very loud. At least he left, but she did then ring him and talk loudly on the phone. Second night I was the only one on the ward so thought I’d get some sleep. No chance. My baby screamed all night and none of the MWs came to offer help like the night before. I sat and cried, on my own and down the phone toy husband who was off to bed at home on his own for a good night’s sleep!!

Second baby wasn’t much better. Baby was taken to SCBU and I was put on a 6 bed ward with h babies crying and got no sleep. Cried as I didn’t have my baby. Second night she was allowed out of scbu. They’d got her into a good sleep pattern straight away and she slept longer chunks but I couldn’t because of the other crying babies!! Glad to get home eventually!

we have a new hospital nearer us now and I believe they all get individual rooms post natal and dad’s can stay.

I would definitely speak up to the midwives and ask if there’s any chance you could be moved or if they could have a word about how disruptive they are being.
FWIW for DC1 DH was able to stay with me all the time both on post natal after the birth and when baby was readmitted days later with jaundice. I was beside myself when DC got readmitted and was convinced she would die and I’m so so so glad DH could be there all the time. Those nights setting an alarm to wake a sleepy jaundiced baby and try and get her to latch while barely conscious would have been unbearable without DH who could go look for a midwife to help and just be there for support. I couldn’t have done it without him.

Unfortunately now due to covid they keep a lot of those rooms free for covid mums!

Oh my goodness I remember those days. Was horrendous. I couldn’t wait to go home!

Yep, same! Aside from my stitches I also lost a lot of blood and almost needed a blood transfusion. I wasn't able to get up (as I was so weak and close to fainting) and go to my baby and change their nappy or feed them. I would have been completely helpless without my partner there - He took care of our baby when I wasn't able to! Reading some of these comments makes me sad that so many women are judging innocent men who are trying to support their partners (during a difficult time) and look after their baby. My husband was absolutely exhausted and sleeping in a tiny armchair just so he could look after us both.

I'm sure sexually harassing women behind curtains is what a lot of the men have on their mind on a maternity ward FGS!

YANBU OP. I hated having partners staying on postnatal. I had my third under full COVID restrictions and although it was hard not having visitors and missing DH and older DC in a way it was better than the first two!

@Toomuchtrouble4me

And what medical insurance would you suggest for your DD, as the vast majority only cover maternity services privately when travelling - not in your home country

Plus to guarantee a private room she'd have to have an entirely private birth, which costs upwards of £25k in the U.K. - current prices, not adjusted for inflation over the years

He will be there as the hospital allow partners to stay overnight

Why are so many on this thread unable to grasp this basic concept

Many hospitals have this now