Maternity ward visitor is driving me mad

[custardshire]

I had a baby yesterday and I’m currently on the post natal ward. Right next to me there’s a couple which baby cries all day and all night. I’m fine with that and I sympathise with the mother. The staff is being really helpful and supportive as well.

tonight her baby woke up and cried desperately for over 30 minutes and both partner and mother were sound asleep and snoring really loud! I called the midwife to help the baby (hungry and had a full nappy). Again, I’ve got no problems whatsoever with the mum she must be having a very difficult time.

Her partner however is driving me insane! He snores like an animal all night long. She’s awake now and AIBU to think she should wake him up and make him move or change position? I would definitely do it to my DH. I can hear her moving and walking around so perhaps she could at least poke him whatever to try to make him stop? She’s just there minding her own business whilst her partner is keeping me and my newborn awake with his snore that sounds like a trumpet.

[autienotnaughty]

It sounds awful but I don't think you can say anything. You could tell might staff though?

[ElizabethBest]

The postnatal ward is the actual 7th circle of hell.

[Needmorelego]

Stick your head through the curtains and say "Excuse me love but do you have any way of shutting him up. Cheers."
(She might be immune to it and doesn't notice it anymore)

[XJerseyGirlX]

Congratulations on your baby op , surely the staff can have a word with them
and explain why he can't stay? Hopefully your home soon.

[custardshire]

@Needmorelego

Stick your head through the curtains and say "Excuse me love but do you have any way of shutting him up. Cheers."
(She might be immune to it and doesn't notice it anymore)

I thought about that but I had an section and I can’t sit up straight yet.

[FictionalCharacter]

What a nightmare. Do maternity wards actually let fathers stay overnight now? Ugh.

[custardshire]

@FictionalCharacter

What a nightmare. Do maternity wards actually let fathers stay overnight now? Ugh.

Yes it’s allowed. My DH is at home with our DS but I would definitely wake him up if he started snoring in a post natal ward.

[Sleepyquest]

@ElizabethBest

The postnatal ward is the actual 7th circle of hell.

Yep agree - I was on one for four nights and I'm sure I got about 8 hours sleep total. They shouldn't let partners stay cos none of them seem to help much anyway.

[EntertainingandFactual]

Husbands and partners should not be sleeping over on postnatal wards.
It’s like being stuck in a mixed sex bunk room at a youth hostel (with newborn babies).

[NaughtyDaddyPig]

Absolutely horrible having men on a ward. Private rooms where I am men are allowed, never on the ward with other women.
I discharged after 24hrs with my section in case I had a room mate and I was only in a 2 bay room. Horrific.

[AprilRae91]

I don’t understand why they let partners stay so bloody annoying

[allboysmum3]

I would definitely say something to them both. My tired and cranky self couldn't help it tbh. Your there to rest and you cant rest if your being kept awake because of the partners snoring. In the morning I would say... does he have to stay because he's keeping me and my baby awake all night. She's obviously use to it and he's unaware. He might be really embarrassed and sleep at home later on.
I had to stay in for 24 hours after I had my baby and was fortunate enough to have been given a side room. My OH wasn't allowed to stay but I loved life with my own room, own toilet and just me and my baby. 😂

[bestbefore]

I can't believe they let men stay...what's the point?! Are they just behind a curtain from you? How awful...

[USaYwHatNow]

You have my sympathy! I'm a midwife and recently had to stay on the antenatal ward as an inpatient for 2 weeks and stayed for the majority of that time on a 4 bedded bay. I was very unwell but sent my husband home each night (bar one night where I was actually scared I was going to end up in ICU) because 1) those reclining chairs are shite and 2) he snores 😂 and I didn't want to inflict that on myself or the other women if I could help it. We were really lucky and had a private room for the 3 days I was on the postnatal ward and even then he only stayed for the first night as I was too scared to be on my own. If we'd been in a bay I'd probably have sent him home.

The other women on the antenatal ward however would talk really loudly, their partners had no volume control, they'd both be watching separate videos on their phones or have the bedside TV on blast, whilst I was half comatose from pre eclampsia. I was too chicken to say anything, however I did make a few thinly veiled (loud!) remarks whilst on the phone to friends and family the next morning, in the hope they'd hear and shut up 😂

I hope you get home soon to the comfort of your own bed!

[Glitteratitar]

@bestbefore

I can't believe they let men stay...what's the point?! Are they just behind a curtain from you? How awful...

Honestly, I think it’s to do the midwives’ job for them. I gave birth during covid so visiting hours were limited for my DH. When I arrived on the ward, the midwife very clearly said they will help me tonight but tomorrow I’m on my own. So seems like they delegate care of mothers in recovery to their partners.

[GobbolinoTheWitchesCat]

Congratulations op!

I don't agree with partners staying overnight at all - except in genuinely exceptional circumstances, which would generally result in a single room anyway.

[Unexpecteddrivinginstructor]

Although awful for you, his snoring is going to drive her bonkers when she has woken at 3am with the baby and then needs to get back to sleep.

If you don't feel able to say something to them maybe see if a nice midwife would move you to a quieter part of the ward if you need to stay another night. Or hope they are discharged in the morning.

[FictionalCharacter]

@bestbefore

I can't believe they let men stay...what's the point?! Are they just behind a curtain from you? How awful...

Really awful. I would have hated being on the ward with some random bloke just the other side of a curtain from me when I was in such a vulnerable state.

[HeathcliffsCathy]

Ask a nurse to do the deed! They should definitely give him a stern talking to or send him home.

[SunnyD44]

I can’t believe that you are allowed partners to sleep overnight!

When I had mine they were only allowed to visit until a certain time.

The partners didn’t bother me and one was lovely and brought me a big bar of chocolate and asked if I needed him to bring anything the next morning.
I was very young and on my own so this meant a lot to me.

But I would not have liked partners there all night.
It’s nice to have some privacy and peace.

I felt the midwives encouraged time with just mum and baby so they can ask them safeguarding questions without their partner right next to them.

[purpleypinkwitch]

@ElizabethBest

The postnatal ward is the actual 7th circle of hell.

@ElizabethBest and that is on a good day. Worst place ever.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You can’t sit up straight. Have the nurses taught you how to get out of bed? I have had major abdominal surgery and was given plenty of pillows and to prop myself up all the time and with the bed a bit tilted. I could then get on my elbows, pull my bottom slowly backwards to get into a seated position. From there, I could swivel my legs off the bed a bit.and get into a seated position with feet on the ground. Then slowly stand up, balancing. You should have nurses with you the first time though. If you just want to get into a seated position, just do the elbows, bum thing.

[SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am]

Christ - this (and all the other reasons) is exactly why I was out of that ward in less than 24hrs.

And don't get me started on the 'shower' covered in blood and sweat from labour and EMCS, and the shower cubicle was an 8inch step up, tiny (like the smallest they sell them), with those sliding doors that open up a corner. I couldn't get in, and I was twice as worried about getting out again. I just stayed filthy and showered at home. Utterly unfit for purpose.

[Sux2buthen]

My first two, men weren't allowed to stay. I assumed the same for my third so didn't arrange childcare.
The night after my c section I was the only one without a partner there and I held my baby from 8pm until 10am with no help at all and couldn't move. No sleep or anything
I'm guessing partners are allowed so they can help and the wards are so horrible anyway they're not even the worst thing there.
Congratulations OP
I also had snorers, mostly the mums. It's shit

[User4648367373774]

I might get hate for this but this is why partners shouldn't be allowed to stay overnight to keep the numbers down imo. I've had two babies both by c section and I was grateful for the alone time when it was just me and baby. The ward I was on was quite peaceful as they didn't allow partners to stay.